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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if child can leave school early every day

60 replies

Max12 · 13/03/2019 19:14

Name changed as will be outing as lots know my position.

Year 5 child was bullied to a point I have changed him to a different school. Previous school did not act on many instances which led to this.

Reception child has settled well and is happy at this school and couldn't change anyway as school son changed to is for juniors only.

So, two school runs. At time head teacher told me they would do whatever it took to support us with all of this. Traffic is a nightmare in the afternoon once kids are out of primary, but if I left the primary school 5 minutes early I can collect both within timeframe. Given these children literally spend the last five minutes of the day getting coats on and traipsing across the school to the gate I have requested my youngest meet me at reception five minutes early so we can jump in the car and go. If we do this we are on time to collect older child, if not, due to traffic we are fifteen minutes late.

Primary school say they are not allowed due to education authority guidelines. I have accepted this, but AIBU to challenge it? I know it's an unusual request, but given their lack of action over bullying caused this problem in the first place I feel a bit irritated.

OP posts:
WhenZogateSuperworm · 13/03/2019 19:18

How old is your reception child? If they aren’t 5 yet they are not compulsory school age anyway.

If they are then the school does not have to authorise this. They have to provide a set number of hours per year of education and would fall short if your DS misses 25 minutes every week.

TeenTimesTwo · 13/03/2019 19:18

Surely the sensible thing is to collect the little one first, then the y5 can wait in the playground for 15 mins daily?
Most schools would let a y5 walk home with permission, and as they understand the reason for the move, I would hope they would be flexible re this.

It isn't just getting the reception child ready. It is a TA doing this and not their main job. Then walking the child to the school office etc at what will be a busy time getting everyone else ready too.

blockedoffandfuckedoff · 13/03/2019 19:20

Year 5....is he 10? Sorry I’m in Scotland.

could he not wait for you? Would he be allowed to sit at the school office?

SavoyCabbage · 13/03/2019 19:21

It will just be about logistics. Someone will have to remember to go for your ds and bustle him into his coat and remind him to get his water bottle and look in the going home tray to see if there are any letters to go home and then take him to the office. And they could be listening to someone read or something else in that time.

RedSkyLastNight · 13/03/2019 19:22

Surely a better solution would just be to ask your year 5 child to wait 5 minutes? or even to walk to a prearranged meeting spot.
I don't think leaving early as an on going arrangement is really acceptable.

Rubusfruticosus · 13/03/2019 19:23

Can the year 5 start walking home and meet you somewhere if it is too far to walk all the way?

Original poster
Max12 · 13/03/2019 19:27

Youngest is five already. Classroom is next to reception so they literally walk out of classroom and are in reception area.

Oldest can wait, but in school reception. This was my plan but since they moved they get very distressed thinking I am not coming. (they are under camhs and have counselling for anxiety and depression caused by bullying at previous school).

OP posts:
Original poster
Max12 · 13/03/2019 19:28

It's too far for year 5 child to walk and by busy road so I wouldn't want them to anyway.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 13/03/2019 19:30

Yes they can.

It used to be at the Heads discretion. Ask how you get permission if that's not the case.

I got permission via my Education Officer.

A child by law is supposed to have so many hours teaching, but that can be waivered for exceptional circumstances.

Sirzy · 13/03/2019 19:30

Ds does finish early every day but that is because he can’t cope with the end of the school day due to his autism. Before he had full time 1-1 although school accondated it it was a pain because it took someone out of the classroom to sort him and bring him out. The leaving is written into his EHCP now so School are covered for why it happens

PCohle · 13/03/2019 19:31

I don't think this is hugely reasonable tbh.

It would be convenient for a very large number of parents to drop off or pick up early or late. It's just not workable for schools to do so, and it does kids miss out on hours of school over the year.

By all means speak to the school again and emphasising his mental health needs, but I wouldn't expect them to bend on this. It's ultimately more about your logistics than it is about his particular needs.

If nothing else I would be worried about singling out my child like this if bullying has been an issue previously.

Original poster
Max12 · 13/03/2019 19:31

@Birdsgottafly
I'm not sure this would be seen as exceptional as most 10 year olds could cope with waiting 15 minutes, it's just that my son is highly anxious.
Also, how would I go about contacting my education officer? I'm clueless!

OP posts:
choli · 13/03/2019 19:32

No harm to ask, but I doubt the school will make an exception like this for one child. You will probably have to come up with another solution.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/03/2019 19:34

A child by law is supposed to have so many hours teaching, but that can be waivered for exceptional circumstances.

Not true Im afraid. All the legislation states is that an education must be suitable. Its very wishy washy.

Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme · 13/03/2019 19:34

Your oldest will be okay to wait, you need to be no nonsense about it.
Explain why they have to wait, remind them they will never be forgotten etc
Your really can't expect any school to be happy with a child leaving early every day for an indefinite period of time.

Can you older one do after school clubs?

Stinkytoe · 13/03/2019 19:36

There’s a couple of children in my DC’s class with SEN, they leave 5-10 mins early every day to avoid the hustle and bustle

Yesicancancan · 13/03/2019 19:45

YABU, your request is disproportionate for 15 a minute wait. It’s disruptive for the teacher to manage an early collection and does nothing to encourage your child in coping with such a short wait.

superram · 13/03/2019 19:49

Use childcare like everyone else-problem solved. Totally unreasonable request and his classroom won’t always be next door. As a head I would say no.

whatsleep · 13/03/2019 19:53

Could you pick your older child up first. If he is under cahms and struggles with anxiety etc you may find his school more willing to compromise with you. Also with him being older he would probably just need prompting by the teacher to get his things together and go to reception to meet you.

The fact that his anxiety will be heightened if your late may mean the school are more inclined to be flexible.

FurrySlipperBoots · 13/03/2019 19:58

Is there a park playground near your eldest's school? There usually is in my experience! If so how about you arrange to meet there? There are bound to be other kids from his class going, and younger children with their mums so he wont be alone. You can text him just before you set off from picking youngest up, to reassure him you're coming, and meet him 15 mins later.

Birdsgottafly · 13/03/2019 19:59

"Also, how would I go about contacting my education officer? I'm clueless!"

Phone your LEA office.

Tell the Head that you are going to make the request.

It is exceptional, you've been forced to move schools because of bullying and now your older child has medical (emotional) needs.

I've known early finishers for, bullying, SEN, Foster Carers and circumstances such as yours.

Tell the Head that it is temporary whilst you get strategies from CAMHS to help your eldest with the transition of waiting for you.

It's disgraceful. We should be doing all we can to protect the child's mental health.

CloserIAm2Fine · 13/03/2019 19:59

I think the problem is that it’s not due to the needs of the child you want to take out early. If a child struggles with the end of the day due to SEN then taking them 5 minutes early is reasonable. But there’s no benefit to your youngest with this arrangement, they’re losing 25 minutes of education a week for a year and a half until your oldest goes to secondary school. Yes the last 5 minutes are packing up time, but your child would need the previous 5 minutes to get ready to go, when they should be doing other things.

I think you need to look at after school club for one child, if your eldest struggles then can you get them first and have the younger one at after school club?

Happygolucky009 · 13/03/2019 20:00

I would look to move the youngest child, lots can happen and although the child is settled, they are still only in reception and you know the school has a history of managing poor behaviour. Failing that pay a childminder to pick up the youngest while you support the eldest. We had a similar situation and paid only £5 a day and would often collect the child at the bottom of the school road .

StBernard · 13/03/2019 20:00

Could you approach it as a short term request? If your older child is receiving counselling then hopefully the 15 minute wait won't always be insurmountable? Maybe rephrase and ask if it would be possible until the Easter holidays? And then review the situation again?

PandaPolarBear · 13/03/2019 20:01

Is your oldest allowed to have a moblie phone (cheapy PAYG basic handset) in school with him? Or arranged to be kept in reception for him if they're aware of his anxiety issues?

You could text each day to reassure him that you're on your way. Possibly easier to arrange than collecting the younger child early.