Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To ask if child can leave school early every day

60 replies

Max12 · 13/03/2019 19:14

Name changed as will be outing as lots know my position.

Year 5 child was bullied to a point I have changed him to a different school. Previous school did not act on many instances which led to this.

Reception child has settled well and is happy at this school and couldn't change anyway as school son changed to is for juniors only.

So, two school runs. At time head teacher told me they would do whatever it took to support us with all of this. Traffic is a nightmare in the afternoon once kids are out of primary, but if I left the primary school 5 minutes early I can collect both within timeframe. Given these children literally spend the last five minutes of the day getting coats on and traipsing across the school to the gate I have requested my youngest meet me at reception five minutes early so we can jump in the car and go. If we do this we are on time to collect older child, if not, due to traffic we are fifteen minutes late.

Primary school say they are not allowed due to education authority guidelines. I have accepted this, but AIBU to challenge it? I know it's an unusual request, but given their lack of action over bullying caused this problem in the first place I feel a bit irritated.

OP posts:

spanieleyes · 13/03/2019 20:02

The trouble is, you want to pick up 5 minutes early, and Mum B wants to pick up 10 minutes early so they're not late for swimming, and Mum C wants to pick up 5 minutes early but only on Tuesday and Friday because Grandma collects them and finds it hard to park and Mum D wants to pick up 15 minutes early on Friday because child goes to Dads then and Mum E...... and so on! Everyone has a reasonable reason why they have to pick up early but it causes chaos!

Ylvamoon · 13/03/2019 20:08

I was in a similar situation with my DC's.
My solution was for DC 1 to walk with friends to a bus stop -was a 10 min walk. (Friend walked home that way )
This was enough time for me to pick DC 2 up and meet DC 1 at allocated bus stop.
Great side effects where that other DC from school wanted to walk as well. So my DC had friends and other parents waiting till I turned up...

Klj29 · 13/03/2019 20:09

Can the youngest child not go to after school club? Pick the eldest up on time and then go for the younger child?

TildaTurnip · 13/03/2019 20:13

*It is exceptional, you've been forced to move schools because of bullying and now your older child has medical (emotional) needs.

I've known early finishers for, bullying, SEN, Foster Carers and circumstances such as yours.

Tell the Head that it is temporary whilst you get strategies from CAMHS to help your eldest with the transition of waiting for you.

It's disgraceful. We should be doing all we can to protect the child's mental health.*

I totally agree with birdsgottafly . These are exceptional circumstances and mental health shouldn’t be minimised.

PCohle · 13/03/2019 20:18

But isn't this more to do with the OP's convenience than the child's specific needs?

This problem could be resolved by paying for a childminder or after school club, whereas something such a SEN child finding the hustle and bustle of finishing time distressing couldn't.

converseandjeans · 13/03/2019 20:19

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here. I don't think it is especially unreasonable but in the mele that is the end of the school day in primary school they may well forget.
Could your eldest not leave early and do it the other way round? Then they could sit in car and wait for you if they don't like the idea of getting out in the car park/up road from old school.
it must be really distressing as a Mum to have an anxious child who has been bullied & is anxious.

converseandjeans · 13/03/2019 20:20

But isn't this more to do with the OP's convenience than the child's specific needs?

No it's to do with the eldest child being anxious and being bullied! They find it distressing waiting on their own. Yes in an ideal world a 9/10 year old would be fine but this is not the case here.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 13/03/2019 20:21

Could you give your year 5 a phone and call him while he waits in reception so he can be reassured you are coming..???

cantfindname · 13/03/2019 20:22

OP if your child is allowed to leave early this will single him out among his peer group and provide possible ammunition for bullying to star at this school.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/03/2019 20:23

Get older one to wait at reception and give him a colouring book or Rubik’s cube or something to do while he waits. He needs to be able to wait for 15 minutes.

converseandjeans · 13/03/2019 20:24

Would eldest consider doing an after school club perhaps one day a week?

NailsNeedDoing · 13/03/2019 20:34

Honestly, it would be a huge pain in the arse for staff to ensure that a reception age child is ready to go and delivered somewhere different safely five minutes before the twenty something other children in the class. To you it looks like all they're doing is putting coats on, in reality it can be one of the most hectic times of the day depending on what they've been doing that afternoon and a million other little things that need to be done at the end of the day.

To expect them to reliably do this, on time, every single day for the foreseeable future is a huge ask that I don't really think your email entitled to make when you could solve your own problem by using after school childcare or school clubs.

81Byerley · 13/03/2019 20:35

Could you work on the issues your ten year old has, to build his confidence that you will turn up? Or leave a mobile phone with the school so you can text him when you are on your way from the other school?

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 13/03/2019 21:26

Blimey, there’s a girl in dd’s class who leaves 20 mins early every week to get to swimming lessons! When they could just as easily find a later lesson!!

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 13/03/2019 21:27

I would work in getting the ten year old to wait though.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 13/03/2019 21:28

The only other alternative is to put the five year old in after school club until you can get there

Crockof · 13/03/2019 21:34

Yes, a child in my dd class does this for the same reason. When dd is singing end of day songs child is collected.

PCohle · 13/03/2019 21:36

Converse but the older child's needs have nothing to do with the reception child's ability to go to childminder/after school club.

It's a childcare issue, not a SEN issue.

ForalltheSaints · 13/03/2019 21:38

If only those parents who could easily walk with their child to and from school did so instead of getting in the 4x4 to travel about five minutes, then the OP would not have the issue.

I think the after school club is the best suggestion, if only as allowing a child to leave early every day (assuming for two or three years until oldest goes to secondary school) could lead to nasty comments for the younger one.

ASauvignonADay · 13/03/2019 21:43

We allow it at secondary - although we are fairly flexible with timetabling etc when needs be - although not for long term. I imagine it's more complicated with a small child though, will an adult need to help organise them and get them to you? (Secondary age they just know to leave early and sign out)

youarenotkiddingme · 13/03/2019 21:52

Totally what birds said. I'd ask Camhs to write you a supporting letter

MoBiroBo · 13/03/2019 21:54

Could you pick your year 5 child up early? They would be capable of leaving the classroom and getting their things, heading up to reception by themselves ready for you to collect.

All core subjects are done in the morning, so only things like history/art/assembly etc in the afternoons.

Love51 · 13/03/2019 21:56

The head of the school where the reception child is would grant an exception if the issue related to the reception child's health or SEN. That isn't uncommon. But the issue lies with a different child.
I'd try getting them each to do an after school activity at least one day a week, and on the other days alternate who I was late for, call in favours and see if I can pick 5 year old up early once a week (I wouldn't get into why, I'd just tell the office that's what I'm doing and get on with it,).
If aren't a stickler for rules, just get on with it. Very few schools prosecute for persistent lateness, for early leaving would be even rarer. You could just let them take you through the process. I would worry about the impact on 5 year old, but between say, now and Easter might be long enough to work with your older child on this.

Lougle · 13/03/2019 22:04

I used to collect DD2 & DD3 5-10 minutes early every day from their primary school. DD1 arrived home on special school transport and I couldn't be in 2 places at once. I gave the HT 2 proposals, either 5-10 minutes early, or 20-30 minutes late.

There was no available childcare for DD1 due to her needs, so that wasn't an option. The HT said that early was ok with her. I was very grateful.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/03/2019 22:07

I’d try to pick the eldest up first until his anxiety settles. I think having a mobile phone, where he could call you will be the way to go once it does.

Flip

1 2 3