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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New house

19 replies

Numptysod · 13/03/2019 11:04

Me DP moving into new place, both got full house of stuff?

I was thinking buying whole new lot of furniture making it ours?

Got cash no issue!

DP wants all of his stuff in the property can’t see what issue is?

OP posts:

HilaryBriss · 13/03/2019 11:06

Why do you need a whole load of new furniture if you both have plenty between you, that is a complete and utter waste whether you can afford it or not! Keep whatever you need and sell/freecycle the rest.

Frenchfancy · 13/03/2019 11:08

Compromise. Pick a couple of things that you would really like to change, things that make the bigest impact perhaps like sofa or dining set, then keep the other things (for now)

Original poster

Numptysod · 13/03/2019 11:09

DP wants all his furniture that’s the issue!

OP posts:

youknowmedontyou · 13/03/2019 11:11

Can you not compromise? What a waste of money!

AnagramBixter · 13/03/2019 11:11

Well tell him you want all of yours too.

Then move in with it all, he'll soon see he has to compromise.

SavoyCabbage · 13/03/2019 11:12

Cash is never no issue, no matter how much you have as there is always something else you could do with it. Be it just an extra holiday or a animal sanctuary in the Pyrenees.

My furniture is too nice just to get rid of and buy new. So I wouldn't want to. And I couldn't be bothered with looking at dining tables etc for weeks on end either.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/03/2019 11:14

Pick the nicest pieces, and the stuff with durability.

DameFanny · 13/03/2019 11:14

The point of moving into a new place rather than one of you moving in with the other is that you make it a new place for you both.

NOT by ditching everything and buying again - that would be an appalling waste. But by agreeing which pieces you'll each contribute, and what - if anything - you'll buy new together. Maybe a bed?

But if he's not willing to compromise and work with you on this, then take that as a big red signpost for how he sees the relationship and your place in it. If he can't recognise your equality at the start of living together you're never going to be an equal partner.

Weebitawks · 13/03/2019 11:17

It depends...are both of your stuff nice? DH and I bounced around rented houses for years with a lot of hand me downs that we'd never picked and when we finally bought a house, we decided to get new stuff that I we picked.

flirtygirl · 13/03/2019 11:24

The only way is to pick items from both houses together and buy new pieces if needed together also.

If he doesn't compromise then it's a big red flag and don't move I with him.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/03/2019 11:32

If you split up in future he has all his stuff and you have sod all and have to start again.

He is being a dick expecting new place to have all his stuff in.

Original poster

Numptysod · 13/03/2019 11:58

@Whatsnewpussyhat that’s what I worried about! Having nothing!

Most of DP stuff is pretty old, 4:5 years old, and boyish man cave kinda thing!

Mine is light airy everyday stuff.

OP posts:

AmIAWeed · 13/03/2019 12:04

How is 4.5 years old for furniture?!

Go through what he has and what you like, pick individual pieces then suggest he has those. If the sofa is comfy for example you could agree to having his but add some cushions or a throw to make it more you
Chairs can easily be recovered to update them
Get him to look at what he likes of yours and use that as a starting point

Frenchfancy · 13/03/2019 18:26

Laughing at 4.5 years being old for furniture. We just changed our sofa. It was DHs when he was a kid. It was about 50 years old, still going strong just ugly.

LOTR · 13/03/2019 21:02

Why don't you make two lists each of your furniture...wants and needs ranking them? Then work down both lists until you have a set...and agree a few new purchases.

My and DP have decided that when we move we take all the old crap with us until we can afford to upgrade as most of our furniture is my mother's from before I was born :D x

Good luck with the move!

burritofan · 13/03/2019 21:15

For each duplicate, you choose the best-quality/nicest/most sentimental piece, or the one that best fits the new space. Maybe that's his bed, your sofa, his chest of drawers, your wardrobe, etc etc. The other one you sell/donate. You both probably have a list of non-negotiable sentimental pieces, as well as stuff of each other's you love and stuff you hate; and a few items where both versions are crap – but all those pieces you sold fund a new one you buy together. All DH stuff is not a great outcome, but nor is getting rid of everything and buying new! You both need to compromise.

Apartment Therapy has a good guide to figuring out what to do with all the stuff of combining homes:

www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-to-combine-your-things-when-you-move-in-together-228451

Etino · 13/03/2019 21:17

Poor planet.

SoyDora · 13/03/2019 21:19

4.5 years isn’t old! Our furniture is a mish mash of things from my dad’s house when he downsized, things from the IL’s house when they moved abroad (including a dining table that was DH’s great grandmothers when she was a child), things we’ve had custom made, things we’ve picked up from antique shops and stuff from ikea!

Bellon · 13/03/2019 23:10

I do not quite understand why you need a lot of new furniture. You may well purchase the things you need. Look or read the reviews you need. I often visit this site furnishingsmaster.com/best-outdoor-furniture-covers-review/ . Where a lot about buying furniture, its use and quality.

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