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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't trust my gay friend?!?!

59 replies

ApplePieIsAmazing · 13/03/2019 01:34

I don't have many friends due to work but one of my friends is a guy around my age who is very much gay.

I invited him around on my day off and DH got pissy because he wasn't home and he says he doesn't trust him!

AIBU to keep this friend? He's really nice, and he's definitely gay, I've met his boyfriend.

OP posts:
Justagirlwholovesaboy · 13/03/2019 01:35

Regardless of whether he’s gay why does your husband not trust you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2019 01:36

He doesn't have to trust your friend, whose sexuality is irrelevant. He has to trust you. Which he doesn't.

Original poster
ApplePieIsAmazing · 13/03/2019 01:36

He has no reason to not trust me, I've never cheated in my life and don't flirt with anyone. I take my vows very seriously

OP posts:
Justagirlwholovesaboy · 13/03/2019 01:38

You need to tell him this and ask him to explain, otherwise you face life with a jealous husband

Dragonfruits · 13/03/2019 01:41

Your husband is being ridiculous. Is there any chance he’s actually just homophobic?

Original poster
ApplePieIsAmazing · 13/03/2019 01:45

I don't think so, he's had gay friends in the past and we attended my lesbian friends marriage

OP posts:
Saracen · 13/03/2019 02:21

"doesn't trust" your friend as in he thinks the friend wants to have an affair with you?

or "doesn't trust" your friend because he thinks your friend is a dodgy character who might be dangerous?

Did your DH say what he meant, or is it clear that he's jealous?

My DH has a very good sense of when something is "not right" about someone. Sometimes I get very cross with him about it because he tries to justify it and often does so in an offensive way, making crazy generalisations. The fact remains that his instincts about individual people are usually correct.

Original poster
ApplePieIsAmazing · 13/03/2019 02:33

He thinks he might try to start an affair, which is absurd. I thought that maybe he thought he was a dodgy character but nope, he thinks he will crack onto me

OP posts:
Justagirlwholovesaboy · 13/03/2019 02:36

If he thinks this he still doesn’t trust you to resist, not a good basis for a relationship

Elloduckie · 13/03/2019 06:19

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 13/03/2019 07:07

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up.

So you must ask permission to invite a friend round - but only if the friend is male? Women are OK?

I would obviously let my husband know as a courtesy if I was bringing someone back to the house, especially if he were likely to be in.

FullOfJellyBeans · 13/03/2019 07:08

Unless DH thinks your friend is a rapist it's you he needs to trust not your friend.

BertrandRussell · 13/03/2019 07:10

Hang on- you have to ask permission to invite a friend round???

NabooThatsWho · 13/03/2019 07:10

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

Your comment makes no sense. If OPs DH trusted her then why would he be ‘annoyed’ by her actions?

Why would an adult need permission to bring a friend into their own home? Makes me glad I’m single.

cushioncuddle · 13/03/2019 07:13

It doesn't matter if your friend try's it on with you or not , it's how you will react to it if it happens is what's important.

What your H is saying is that he doesn't trust you not to reciprocate if it happens.

If he doesn't mean that then he's being controlling.

Not a great choice.

Not sure how he's going to dig himself out of that one.

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 07:13

OK so he doesn't trust him because he thinks this guy will try and sleep with you or he doesn't trust him in other ways like he thinks there is something not quite right ie. He is a bit sneaky or something?

newdaylight · 13/03/2019 07:13

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up.
Hmm

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 07:14

OK missed the last update. He's being a bit ridiculous then. He sounds quite controlling.

cushioncuddle · 13/03/2019 07:14

And he wants to know who you are inviting round.

He doesn't sound great.

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 07:15

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

Why?

youknowmedontyou · 13/03/2019 07:17

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

Fucking hell, do you live in the 1920s @Elloduckie?

SpenglerOswald · 13/03/2019 07:32

This is another thread where the absurd double standards of mumsnet show, I bet if the sexes where reversed the response Would be rather different

CostanzaG · 13/03/2019 07:37

ello what now? She needs to ask permission?????

CostanzaG · 13/03/2019 07:38

Ello would she have needed to ask permission if the friend was female?

Elloduckie · 13/03/2019 07:46

No she does not need to ask permission. But I do think she should say that there's another person in THEIR home. 'DH I'm at home with X'. Let's try to understand their from a male perspective rather than berating the man and burning our bras.

They are a married couple who share a home, a simple 'so and so is here' regardless if they're male or female won't hurt. You can't be married and acting as if you're still single. You're not.

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