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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think oh just piss off...

216 replies

KatnissMellark · 12/03/2019 21:21

With your patronising reminders to get a fucking smear test, you self righteous bores.

I do by the way, because I have to have an in date one for other medical procedures to be carried out. But I have concerns regarding false positives and unnecessary stress and procedures. And I am so bored of so many people with what appears an absolute lack of critical thinking self righteously reminding others to go for them on social media. Are you the fucking smear police? Have you read the science or are you just on the bandwagon Hmm

On balance I'd probably still have one, even if I didnt HAVE to. But the lecturing just annoys me.

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 13/03/2019 08:20

My DH had bowel screening recently and put a well thought out and amusing account on FB. One of his former colleagues contacted him privately because he was terrified of his upcoming screening. DH talked him through, he went, was fine and thanked DH for putting it out there. Likewise one of my colleague's friends is now undergoing cancer treatment as a result of this free routine screening. This stuff works.

Incidentally I had my bowel screening last week - not fun - but necessary. Got home that night to find my summons invitation for a smear 🙄 booked it yesterday (and my last one was really uncomfortable). Having recently lost a sister to cancer, I'm more than happy to be patronised by a few FB friends.

As an aside, we're all busy and sometimes it is hard to get an appointment but it's better than the possible alternative surely?

AFistfulofDolores1 · 13/03/2019 08:22

OP, I understand what you mean - though for me it's more about the lecturing itself rather than the content. I have a problem with authority and being told what to do.

BarbarianMum · 13/03/2019 08:25

I dont think mumsnet is a forum where people can lecture you against your will. Hmm Perhaps you could exercise a modicum of self-control and not click on threads about smear tests? Or hide them? Starting a thread to discuss something you don't want to discuss seems perverse.

Original poster
KatnissMellark · 13/03/2019 08:34

I'm not talking exclusively about Mumsnet...

OP posts:
Travellinghappy · 13/03/2019 08:39

I’m far more concerned about the real health bollocks people share. The latest one being that if you get up quickly in the night you’ll faint and have a stroke plus temps of 37.8 are serious and need immediate investigation.🙄🙄

Sindragosan · 13/03/2019 08:43

I think the awareness campaigns are helpful, but when the only nurse who does smears at your surgery works 10-12, you can't pre-book, you can't go on your period etc, it can be more akward to actually get a smear, so it is easy to have good intentions, try to get an appointment a few times and forget about it.

youknowmedontyou · 13/03/2019 08:47

Yes, but I do wonder how many of them were treated unnecessarily. And whether the longer term issues my best friend suffered were completely avoidable.

So it's not the reminders on FB you want to whinge about them?

PassTheDutchie · 13/03/2019 08:52

I'm getting sick of it from the NHS too.
Yes, women having them is falling. I get that is dangerous.

However, I have PCOS and Endometriosis. Twice in the last year, and several times last year, I've tried to book a smear at the right time in my cycle (a week before) and every time I'm told I have to book for the next month, or even 2 months after due to a lack of appointments.
I've explained every time that my cycle is all over the place, I cannot guarantee that I will be at the right point of my cycle to have the smear, and they will not budge.
So, it's been booked, and then cancelled because either I'm not where I should be in my cycle and so they say they can't do it, on one occasion I got a right telling off by a secretary as I called to cancel as I had been so late/out of sync that my period had started the day before.
So I'm now at a point where I feel it's being denied to me due to something I cannot control.

I'm also N/C with family so have no idea of family history medically. I was told 5 years ago that my mother had breast cancer and I was to ask my GP to put a marker in mine and DDs file due to an increased risk of cancer as others have had it.
I asked for this to be done but because I cannot give more details proving a genetic risk, they refused. I wont be called for early screening.
I've changed GP since then and they've all said the same. I've tried to get more info about the genetic link but my family refused to give it.
My current GP even asked for me to have a genetic test to assess risks to health on the grounds of my family refusing to give information, she was told no as it's costly and my family should be "made" to cooperate. I couldn't get my parents to look after me as a kid but apparently I can force them to list illnesses.

It winds me up every time I hear about the importance because I'm clearly not important enough to them.

jaseyraex · 13/03/2019 08:52

My mum admitted to me recently that she hasn't been for a smear in over 10 years. She was also invited for a breast screening that she never went to, despite having a small lump near her armpit that she says is "probably" just a cyst. This is a woman who is almost 60 whose mother and sister both died of cancer. I talk to her about at least booking in for chat with the doctor or nurse every time I see her, I tag her in reminder posts on Facebook and the like. She works Saturday-Tuesday. She has 3 days of the week where she can make an appointment, our nurse is there all day every day. She just can't be arsed. I'll give her all the reminders in the world in the hope that she'll eventually get up and do it.

BitchQueen90 · 13/03/2019 08:53

YABU. That is all.

Ratonastick · 13/03/2019 09:05

YABU. I saw the smear campaign and twigged that I haven’t been called in for about 6 years. Turns out there was an error on my records and I had been dropped off the list by mistake . I’m now booked in for a couple of weeks time, but if I hadn’t seen the campaign I wouldn’t have thought about it.

EstrellaDamn · 13/03/2019 09:11

I've never been told that there's a 'right' time in my cycle PassTheDutchie only not to do it during my period. Are you sure there's only that one week they want you to have it done in?

almostn9ne · 13/03/2019 09:13

I've probably missed the point of the thread.

Just shouted through to my DP (we're both women) 'How overdue is your smear?' and she has just shouted back '6 months'. I have just shouted through that there's a thread here encouraging women to get their smears done.

Coz for me that has been the overwhelming message of this thread.

So - thank you OP Wink and everyone else! xx

almostn9ne · 13/03/2019 09:15

PS I don't mean the last one she had was 6 months ago, I mean the reminder letter has been sitting on the kitchen worktop for 6 months

ItchyKondera · 13/03/2019 09:19

YABU
I put off having a smear for a fair few years, and when I had one last year I was diagnosed with Stage 1 cancer (luckily sorted surgically, no Chemo).
I couldn't give a shit if people on my FB get pissed off with me talking about it openly, i know for a fact people have booked smears off the back of my posts, and friends come to me who were going through checks for abnormal cells but didn't know who to speak to.

I would rather piss off 99% of my FB friends, have them un-friend me, roll their eyes, for that ONE person who gets a smear and gets things found before they turn to cancer.

I've got my next smear booked for next week, plus my cancer check up - and yes, I will be putting it on facebook.

ItchyKondera · 13/03/2019 09:27

BUT YANBU to make your own choice on if you have a smear, one of the reasons i put mine off was how bloody hard it was to get an appointment that worked time wise, around work, life, periods, when its nightmare to get through to the docs in the first place then they tell you there are no appointments. It was just a massive faff.

Its up to each individual what tests they want to put themselves through, what risks factors there are - same as it is with all health related things.... i would never push someone to go have a test, i would hope my experiences would prompt them.

I am hoping all this awareness pushes the NHS to make it more accessible and easier to get a test.

Weebitawks · 13/03/2019 09:32

Fucking hell people can find literally anything offensive

clairemcnam · 13/03/2019 09:43

I wish the campaign would stop going on about smear tests being embarrassing and uncomfortable. They bloody hurt. So yes I do put off going for a procedure that hurts.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 13/03/2019 09:56

Regarding getting appointments, when I was younger, I used to get smears done at the Family Planning Clinic (or Sexual Health Clinic as it's called these days) and they had evening appointments.

A quick google shows this is still an option and my recent "invitation" said you could have it done there as well as the GP surgery. Might be something to look into?

Not lecturing, just passing on some hopefully useful info...

clairemcnam · 13/03/2019 09:59

I thought Family Planning Clinics did not exist anymore and Sexual Health Clinics were only for STDs. Had no idea you could get a smear there.

madcatladyforever · 13/03/2019 09:59

Having been through two yearss of exceptional hardship I couldn't give two shits about things like this.
I've learnt only to get angry about things that really matter and ignore everything else.

EstrellaDamn · 13/03/2019 10:12

But claire lots of things hurt, but they're still less painful than, say, a hysterectomy, radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I get that it's not the nicest thing to do, and I have a lot of sympathy for people who struggle with intimate care due to sexual abuse, etc, but really, if it's 'just' sore, then it's still the least bad option if there is something there that needs dealt with.

IME it's nowhere near as painful as getting a scale and polish at the dentist, and I still do that. I hate it, but I do it.

clairemcnam · 13/03/2019 10:16

It is much bloody worse and hurts much more than getting a scale and polish at the dentist. That does not hurt.
Of course it is not as bad as cancer. But the minimising does annoy me. Its clear you and others don't actually believe me when I say it hurts.
When I went for my first ever smear I was very relaxed as I believed that it did not hurt or would just be a bit uncomfortable. That is not true for me at least.
And I have not been sexually abused.

clairemcnam · 13/03/2019 10:20

And I used to get it done at the Family Planning Clinic as well. They used to make it hurt less as they did so many every day, they were pretty skilled at doing them.
These days I have to go to the nurse. I have had different nurses at the GP practice do it and all have really hurt me and/or made me bleed.
Yes I know it is less bad than having cancer and I should get it done. But when it is difficult to make an appointment in the first place, it makes it easy to put off.
Every time I have actually had a smear in the last 10 years, it is when I have been at the Drs for something else and they say - while you are here why dont we give you a smear.

CardsforKittens · 13/03/2019 10:30

Katniss I agree with you. I find the hyperbole worrying and I think there’s something deeply disturbing about a system in which women are expected to undergo painful and emotionally difficult procedures for a very tiny chance of saving their life.

It also distresses me that so many women think they’ve narrowly escaped death (because that’s the rhetoric about treatment) when actually the majority of them will have received unnecessary treatment that could have an impact on any childbearing they might wish to do in the future.

I’m not against screening programmes, but I do think the actual risks should be properly explained, especially when so many women find the experience so difficult.