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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding

89 replies

Notwavingimdrowning · 11/03/2019 09:48

LSS: Fdil hates our family. We are definitely the poor relations, even though we live in a lovely but modest house and work hard for every penny. She has been overheard referring to us as losers, ignores us and is generally very rude on the rare occasions that we have had any interaction, like family occasions she cannot avoid attending, although she avoids most of them if she can. We’re a normal family, not rowdy,barely drink and definitely know how to behave ! It’s fine .. I’ve done my trying and finished crying over it. I accept that we will never be friends and will remain friendly, open and civil as we always have done.
The wedding is in 2 weeks time and non of us are looking forward to it at all but will be there smiling and graceful. My problem is that although I have a beautiful dress that I considered to be elegant and formal, when I sent a photo, fdil has implied that it looks cheap ( it wasn’t at all) and that she hopes I’m wearing a hat and going to the hairdresser on the morning before the wedding because of the wedding photos. I’m so upset and hurt if I’m honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my hair. I cannot afford to buy a hat that I will wear only once and hadn’t really thought about it, but apparently I have to as her mum is wearing one and I will look odd and underdressed. A friend has a lovely hat I could borrow but it doesn’t go with my navy coloured dress ( it’s a green fascinator type ) I have looked on eBay, gumtree and local selling sites but can’t find anything. AIBU to just not wear one ? I am now paranoid that we will look like the poor relatives that she really thinks we are and I know I shouldn’t care, but I do.

OP posts:
Whereareyouspot · 11/03/2019 19:39

What does the F in front of DIL mean?

What has your DS said about her behaviour? I’m confused as to how he can accept it if you and he are genuinely close.

It sounds a horrible situation tbh.
Do you get on with any of her family? Or are they all as bad?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/03/2019 19:44

Future DIL I think.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 11/03/2019 20:07

I've got a cathedral length veil you can have if you really want to piss her off Wink

ScarletBitch · 11/03/2019 20:09

Oxfam have a wedding section with lots of nice hate etc for a one off occasion. I just read your other thread, my first thoughts were what if your son is the one feeding her lies to instigate the trouble? I'm not saying he is, but it's s possibility.

Go enjoy the wedding, be dignified and ignore her.

ScarletBitch · 11/03/2019 20:12

@PixieBob28 hahaha yes!

Snappedandfarted2019 · 11/03/2019 20:43

TheBreastmilksOnMe

Stop projecting have you read ops other thread the dil has been vile about her and op never once called her.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 11/03/2019 20:46

Sounds like my ex sister in law. She’s a high maintenance, self absorbed cunt. Brother in law left her 4 months after the big wedding. There’s hope yet.

ToffeePennie · 11/03/2019 20:50

Can we send private messages on this post??
Anyway - op, I have some lovely navy fascinators that are just sitting gathering dust, I was about to Facebook them for free, but your welcome to them if you like?
Failing that - it sounds like your son has all but forgotten you, which is horrible (I am a mum of two boys) and seems such a shame with Mother’s day coming up. Please if you can send me a private message. I have something rather nice up my sleeve if you do!

MumW · 11/03/2019 22:29

why would you tell her anything

Maybe because OP is trying to keep the peace without being a total walk over, @Hollowvictory

Notwavingimdrowning · 11/03/2019 22:29

Thank you all again.
@ Thebreastmilksonme Ihave never been anything but gracious, despite many many times where I could have completely lost it. I have a wonderful relationship with my other children’s partners and an amazing close relationship with my mil. I am not a martyr nor am I manipulative. I absolutely have tried many times to resolve things, but it is clear to all that it is the whole of our family that she doesn’t like and looks down upon.
I have received some lovely offers of help and support and thank you all. I will have my hair, nails and makeup done on the day and will celebrate with the rest of my family regardless of her opinion of us.

OP posts:
Osirus · 11/03/2019 22:47

I remember your previous thread! It was the bit you said about being called a loser that triggered my memory.

I hope you manage to enjoy the day.

Honeyroar · 11/03/2019 22:54

I hope you enjoy the day. Hold your head up and know that you're a million times more dignified than the bride. Whether you've got a hat on or not!

FuckertyBoo · 12/03/2019 08:44

Seriously? “Losers” HmmShock. She sounds like a bratty teenager, not a mother / grown woman.

All the best op. I feel really sorry for you and hope your ds stands up for you some day soon Flowers.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 12/03/2019 09:34

You’re a better woman than me Penny I would have likely lost my shit by now and declining to go on the he basis there isn’t nothing to celebrate with their union. Raise you’re high stay with you’re family and enjoy as much as you can which I know will be hard watching you’re son marry such a witch use it as a time to catch up with you’re family. You’re going to look fab Flowers

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