Wedding

[Notwavingimdrowning]

LSS: Fdil hates our family. We are definitely the poor relations, even though we live in a lovely but modest house and work hard for every penny. She has been overheard referring to us as losers, ignores us and is generally very rude on the rare occasions that we have had any interaction, like family occasions she cannot avoid attending, although she avoids most of them if she can. We’re a normal family, not rowdy,barely drink and definitely know how to behave ! It’s fine .. I’ve done my trying and finished crying over it. I accept that we will never be friends and will remain friendly, open and civil as we always have done.
The wedding is in 2 weeks time and non of us are looking forward to it at all but will be there smiling and graceful. My problem is that although I have a beautiful dress that I considered to be elegant and formal, when I sent a photo, fdil has implied that it looks cheap ( it wasn’t at all) and that she hopes I’m wearing a hat and going to the hairdresser on the morning before the wedding because of the wedding photos. I’m so upset and hurt if I’m honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my hair. I cannot afford to buy a hat that I will wear only once and hadn’t really thought about it, but apparently I have to as her mum is wearing one and I will look odd and underdressed. A friend has a lovely hat I could borrow but it doesn’t go with my navy coloured dress ( it’s a green fascinator type ) I have looked on eBay, gumtree and local selling sites but can’t find anything. AIBU to just not wear one ? I am now paranoid that we will look like the poor relatives that she really thinks we are and I know I shouldn’t care, but I do.

On the other hand, if you don't and her dm does, won't she look overdressed?
Go in your lovely outfit, enjoy your day and don't let any of her bridezilla behaviour and snipes get you down. Who the fuck does she think she is telling you it looks cheap? Sounds like Hyacinth bloody Bucket. Yeah, start calling her that in your head! She can only get pleasure of she sees a reaction so practice your slightly bored of it now dear look.

I'd get a hat the size of a cartwheel that blocks her out in all the group photos just to pee her off....but that's just me. Either that or tell her that hats at weddings are sooo passe.

I’d come in a wedding dress op

Loving some of the ideas you do make me giggle ! In real life I’m just going to hold my head up high and bite my tongue !

I think you're giving her opportunity to be mean on a plate. Stop telling her what you're wearing, sending photos etc. Share no information with her then she can't criticise
Charity shops had tonnes of wedding hats.

Tell her you won't feel comfortable in a hat so won't be wearing one as you know she wouldn't want you to look awkward in the wedding photos.

I'd also be tempted to tell her you assumed that, as mother of the groom, you'd be included with the bridal party at the hairdressers at her expense.

@MumW why would you tell her anything? Why explain, why justify?
Stop telling her anything at all.

I was going to suggest hiring a hat but Vanilla has already mentioned it.

I'm so sorry OP but your son needs a good shake. If ANYONE treated my Mum and Dad like this they'd be out the door faster than the speed of light. Shame on him.

How sad.
Can't believe some posters are suggesting you miss your ds's wedding
Do whatever makes you feel fabulous - for me, I would get my hair done, but that's because I'd get my hair done for my ds's wedding anyway (as I think most of us would?), but do it for you, not because of what she has said.
I would also wear a hat to my ds's wedding too (assuming it is a traditional sort of wedding) - I don't think that is strange. However, charity shops are your friend. Or ask your actual friends. Most people my age have a couple of hats stowed away they would be more than happy to lend.
You FDiL sounds an utter nightmare and you must have the patience of a saint. I can't believe that your ds doesn't challenge her about speaking to people like that

I haven't read the full thread so I'm sure this has been said multiple times, but have you looked in charity shops for hats? I love wearing a hat for a wedding (am often the only one ), and have bought pretty much all my hats and fascinators from charity shops.
Sending

Debenhams often have some lovely fascinators for sale in cream and navy, Not pricey, maybe £15. They're on a headband and will look lovely on your hair 👍

I don’t know. You remind me of my MIL who likes to make out that she’s the victim in everything and is a martyr to everyone as she loves the sympathy and attention it brings. I’m always made out to be the wrong -doer but she’s clever and manipulative and I’m a bit too trusting and gullible but I’ve learned over the years. I’d like to feel sympathy towards you but I just find it hard to believe that you are 100% innocent in this.

She won't be happy whatever you do. So do what makes you feel comfortable.

Your account does make her sound rude but presumably you raised your son well and he sees some good in her.

I would have my hair done prior to my child’s wedding for the photos and just to feel good. If it’s an expense you haven’t planned take a local at local college salons. They often offer up dos or blow outs for £10 or under.

If it’s a formal wedding etiquette may dictate you wear a hat. However etiquette also tells us it’s frightful rude to tell someone they have made a fashion faux pas. So... Personally I would find a hat (love the offered John Lewis one and the charity suggestions), and remember the Mother of the Bride should be the first to remove her hat. If she doesn’t do so before, it’s fine to remove yours between the wedding breakfast and the evening reception.

Good luck

Claire's accessories have lovely little navy fascinators in navy blue and they're around £12-15

eBay will have loads but look for uk seller so it's not miles away.

To be honest, I wouldn't bother my arse going but I saw your post that you will be going. That must really suck seeing your son marry a complete bitch.

I think it’s understandable to say don’t go. This woman and the OPs own DS have behaved atrociously and made the OP feel like utter rubbish. I can’t imagine why anyone would be jumping up and down at the thought of once again being made to feel like the shit relation.

I take my hat of to the OP though and hope she has as good a day as possible.

TheBreastmilksOnMe are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?

Do you hand on heart think the way the DIL has acted is acceptable? For all this time
?

my mum didn’t wear a hat to my wedding and neither did my MIL in fact no one wore a hat and i didnt give two hoots about who wore what apart from the guy that turned up in a t shirt and combat trousers... as others have suggested how about a fascinator. my mum got hers from debenhams for under £10 and it looked lovely. www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_61252+280286_-1

How sad your DS is allowing you to be treated this way. I'd go to the wedding in your fabulous dress with (or without) hat/fascinator, smile brightly to everyone and have as good a time as you can. Then when you get home afterwards have a large 🍷 in relief that it's over!! 🌹

If she's expecting you to wear something on your head, turn up in a tiara ?
She sounds awful, OP.

I'd swap my existing dress for a floor length white one 😂

Oh, I'm sorry. My horrid SIL is like this. Sadly, my DP haven't seen my B and SIL, or children since a year after the wedding in 2008. We tried for the kids but have been NC for two years now.

As many have said - just ignore what she has said and carry one. Don't buy a hat is you don't want one or can't afford one. If she says you look cheap just quietly reply "... but so classy on the inside"

Tell her she needs to worry about her own appearance before criticising others!