AIBU to ask DH not to go abroad when I'm 33 weeks pregnant?

[Kate5555]

1st baby due mid June. DH wants to go for a week to his home country in Europe to visit his mum and other family and friends before the baby is born. His mum usually lives in Asia but will be back in Europe for a few months although isn't being very clear on her plans. He suggested the last week of April when I'll be 33 weeks but I'm concerned if the baby is early then he would miss the birth. I've no reason to think the baby could be early though so not sure if I'm being overly cautious?

I've been really healthy all pregnancy but don't particularly fancy a week by myself in my third trimester although may be able to ask a family member to come to stay with me.

The other issue is cost, with the cheapest flights costing £100-£150 and he could easily spend another £200-£300 while he is there, plus earning nothing for a week (he is self employed). Not a huge unmanageable amount for us but still significant when I feel we need to be saving as much as possible for when baby arrives. We've just got back from 1 week in Tenerife so it's not like he hasn't had a holiday for ages!

I understand he misses his family and his own country, but wish he would wait until next year when we could go together with baby. WIBU to ask him not to go?

Glad you are ok.
And glad he is going! It's understandable you are nervous as it's your first.
Be prepared for him to come totally draimed as everyone he knows will want to celebrate his baby coming 😁 His family, friends, people who met him twice. Whole village, half a city... It's horrible, yet awesome.

Fair play to you op! I am suprised at the amount of sympathy your oh has received.
I cant even comment at OftenHangry's comment! If your nervous/anxious with your first baby im suprised he's going and the lack of empathy on this post. Hope you make the best of your week.

My first baby arrived at 34 weeks. Jessica st woke up one morning, and my waters had gone. She arrived less than 24 hrs later....

I appreciate though that for 99.9% of pregnancies that won't happen!

*Jessica? Who is Jessica? Just woke up one morning!!!!

I think it is good that he wants to see them before baby comes, it suggests he realises to go any time soon after is out of the question!

This ^. It's honestly better that he goes now and is around AFTER the baby's born. If the baby did arrive early, he'll come back right away.

I did genuinely post looking for opinions not a debate so I don't mind being told almost unanimously that I am BU. I suspect if i asked friends and family about this they would be more on the side of him not going so it is good to have unbiased opinions.

I am a bit of a worrier in general so that is another reason why I might ask my dad if he wants to come stay with me, so I am not sitting alone for a week worrying and overthinking things without having anyone there to reassure me or talk things through. (Yes I could phone for support but it's not the same)

DH has booked his flights now and is really excited (I hadn't realised it had been almost 2 years since he's been back or seen any of his family - time flies!). I'm really glad I posted here

Good on you, OP

Currently 33 weeks pregnant myself so totally understand your anxiety about him being away but I would let him go. It would be more difficult on you for him to go away when you have a newborn

My first baby came unexpectedly at 31+6. No warning, just waters breaking and baby out four hours later. I don't blame you personally.

I'm going the opposite way to most. I had a healthy pregnancy up to week 30 and then I had low waters. My baby was born by EMCS at 35 weeks. If my husband had been away he wouldn't have got home in time. YANBU

Defn should let him go.

Let him go. In my 20 year experience of being married to someone whose family lives overseas I have learnt to never make him choose. Let him go. You are extremely unlikely to go into labour at 33 weeks. Relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.

@Purpleartichoke good luck with that

Yabu. If it was at 36 weeks I’d say no.

@Kate5555

Just make sure you do have insurance in place now that he has booked just incase for whatever reason he needs to cancel.

You'll be fine. With my first DH was training in London every week Monday to Friday and staying there TIL I was 39 weeks when it finished.
Second baby he went away at 36 weeks pregnant got a week then two weeks when DS was 11 weeks old

It's fine and you'll be fine. If baby does start coming then have a back up person to give you a lift and make sure your DH knows all flight times by heart

I think he should go. He'd be able to fly back in time if you went into labour. 33 weeks is really still very early, you'd feel silly at the time if you made him stay.

You weren't BU at all.

I think you're right to let him go. His family matters too, he hasn't seen them in years, and you're probably two solid months off delivering still at 33 weeks. You can't make him sit at home for months on a tiny chance. as PP says many of us were still traveling for work at that stage ourselves.

If things kick off while he's away you'll cross that bridge when you come to it. He'll be in Europe not Australia so he can get back in a relatively few hours in a true emergency.

I'm glad you're not trying to make this difficult for him, it would have been very wrong. Of course he should go an see his family.

I would though try to think of ways to bolster your resilience and deal with your anxiety, because having a baby is a lot of responsibility and you need to get yourself into a more healthy mind space to manage what's to come.

I think it depends on your state of health and whether it's a straightforward pregnancy.

If it is and stays that way then YABU.

I had a high risk pregnancy and was constantly in the hospital from around 30 weeks, including being admitted. If you have a high risk pregnancy or things become complicated then I could understand why you'd want a partner around.

Well, I think for a first pregnancy, your husband is being VU in choosing to go off at the end of the pregnancy. My DH would not have dreamt of it. It’s about supporting you. Putting you and the baby first.

I understand why you're feeling anxious about it. I was in this place too with my first pregnancy! (although I was 37 weeks).

Chances are though that it'll be totally fine and this is a good opportunity for him to see his mum for cheaper than it would be if she were back in Asia again. It's relatively simply to get back from Europe fairly swiftly if it's absolutely necessary (my husband went to Spain for a conference so this was an argument for that trip too), look into it to make yourself feel better :)

So, with the gentlest of intention - yes you're being unreasonable. But I fully understand why.

Glad you changed your mind OP

I know I'm late to the thread and you've already made up your mind but I'm joining the minority who say YANBU.

I had to stop work at 33 weeks due to bad SPD, I was in a lot of pain and relied on my DP a lot at the end of my pregnancy. Plus know 2 people this year alone who had their babies at 34 and 35 weeks. Chances are you will be fine but there is a risk that he MIGHT miss the birth. I would be anxious about it too.

Haven't RTFT but could his mum come to visit here for a few days instead? That way she gets to see both of you and saves you the worry.