AIBU to ask DH not to go abroad when I'm 33 weeks pregnant?

[Kate5555]

1st baby due mid June. DH wants to go for a week to his home country in Europe to visit his mum and other family and friends before the baby is born. His mum usually lives in Asia but will be back in Europe for a few months although isn't being very clear on her plans. He suggested the last week of April when I'll be 33 weeks but I'm concerned if the baby is early then he would miss the birth. I've no reason to think the baby could be early though so not sure if I'm being overly cautious?

I've been really healthy all pregnancy but don't particularly fancy a week by myself in my third trimester although may be able to ask a family member to come to stay with me.

The other issue is cost, with the cheapest flights costing £100-£150 and he could easily spend another £200-£300 while he is there, plus earning nothing for a week (he is self employed). Not a huge unmanageable amount for us but still significant when I feel we need to be saving as much as possible for when baby arrives. We've just got back from 1 week in Tenerife so it's not like he hasn't had a holiday for ages!

I understand he misses his family and his own country, but wish he would wait until next year when we could go together with baby. WIBU to ask him not to go?

If it was 37 weeks id agree with you, maybe even 35, but 33 is pushing it if you have no reason to think dc will come early, now is the time for him to go because things get much more complicated once the baby is here.
You will be fine alone.

Really! Why?
I'm due end of April 33-34 weeks. My hubby is away skiing on the other side of the world! I'm home with our other son and still going to work full time! Please!
Unless they've told you that you're at serious risk of premature labour let the poor bloke have a few days away!

I think YANBU OP but then my 4 month old DD was born at 34 weeks. My waters broke with no warning and I started contracting, she was born by EMCS 3 hours later.

DH had only got back from his last foreign business trip 2 days before 😩.

I am aware this isn’t common (and I’m sure it wont happen to you) but just wanted to give a counterpoint to all those saying ‘he’ll have time to get back if you go into labour’.

I also don’t see why MIL can’t come and see you of she’s coming to Europe anyway.

I think at 33 weeks he's safe to go :) I know you're probably anxious OP and that's normal but I can assure you it would be 99.9% unlikely you'd go into labour before he's back.

If you've had a healthy and safe pregnancy so far then I'd be okay with him going.

Op you are nbu. Your life changes so much when you are pregnant and it seems no one likes it when you ask the father of the baby to make a few changes. He can hold off until baby is born. Family could visit you? 33 weeks is a rubbish time. You're big, you're tired. Feel your pain, everything is 10 times harder at this point!

No problem at 33 weeks. You’ll still be at work?

Coming from someone who’s had a baby at 27 weeks and panicked through the whole subsequent pregnancy, even I think you are right to let it go

Do you actually need the money? I can’t see why he can’t go from a risk perspective but if you do need the money for maternity leave or baby things then YANBU.

@cocodash my OH is in Benidorm on a stag do when I'm 37 weeks and I can't wait to watch chick flicks and stuff my face 😂

From what you’ve told us I think it’s unfair to ask him not to go. Yes you are pregnant but he’s going to see his family and his mum. He’s not going on a massive inconsiderate boozey boys holiday. It’s pretty unlikely your baby will be 7 weeks early, yes it’s possible but not probable. Most 1st babies come a bit late! And 33 weeks is only just in the first trimester, what would you need him around for? Are you suffering any complications? If you had another child it would make more sense as you may need help, but surely you can take care of yourself whilst he is away?
If his mum is normally in Asia and she’s going to be a lot closer, I think it would be unkind to prevent him from seeing her.

I'm in the YABU camp. My immediate family are spread over 3 continents, and it costs so much (in money and time) to see each other. If two of us are ever fortuitously on the same continent at the same time, we move heaven and earth to see one another. He doesn't know when he'll next get to see his mum; if she's usually in Asia it could be years from now. Sensible to do it now while it's more affordable and shorter travel time.
Why don't you plan a couple nice things to look forward to while he's gone? Spend some precious time with your dad, get a pregnancy massage, take some long baths, whatever makes you feel happy and relaxed.

Yabu

Hi

I think you're being unreasonable, glad you have listed

My partner is away with work from 32-36 weeks and is 3 flights away. I'm not overly thrilled with it but just going to plod on as usual. We also have an 8 year old.

Purpleartichoke

set EVERYTHING (except essential work) aside for 2 years 6+ months???

really? set aside... everything except work??

So, in your world, for TWO AND HALF YEARS (+) theres:
no going out with friends? no after work drinks? no hen/stag dos. no going to see a cousin in a play? no weddings? no holidays? no funerals? no visiting anyone? no going to do the weekly shop... no nipping to see Mum for a cuppa... ? etc

unless all 3 of you are present??

I think you're being a tad unreasonable and it's good that you've accepted that so readily. Your DP does need to go and see his family.

Let him book it and see how it goes. If complications arise then he can just not go surely?

I had no complications until 31 weeks and dd was born at 33 week 🤷🏻‍♀️ DH had a stag is booked for when I was supposed to be 35 weeks, obviously he didn’t go and instead we got to bring DD home from hospital😊

I disagree with most, as it happened to me! Had a perfect pregnancy and waters broke unexpectedly at 32 wks. DH had been away on work trip and had got back just hours before my waters broke. In my opinion I wouldn't take the risk even if it is unlikely!

Wow! Some people really are highly strung

No words. Of course he should go.

I understand why you wouldn't want him to. Talk to him.

TheMagicTorch 37 weeks! You're braver than me

YABU. My DP is going to her mum's and brother's birthdays (twice in one month) and I'll be 32 and 35 weeks pregnant with twins.
At least that's a bit of a risk as twins mostly come early.

Let your DP see his mum. He probably misses her. My DP and I travel to the UK about 6-12 times (mostly birthdays and holidays) a year and we are far from rich, we do however prioritise family. I understand you worrying about your finances, but seriously. Family is more important than money.

OP well done for accepting that. Not all posts were nice so it's good you've been able to see past them.

While I think it's not really necessary to have someone stay with you, if your DF would enjoy it then why not? It might be really nice for both of you to spend that time together.

I don’t think partners should be leaving for any of it if they have a choice. I personally believe that parents need to be prepared to set everything else aside other than necessary work during the pregnancy and first year or two of life. I recognize not everyone shares that opinion. I am happy to be partnered with someone who holds the belief even more firmly than me

That actually made me shudder, and not in a good way.

You sound like you are worrying about it. Let him go and see his Mum and let your Dad come and have a nice week with you.

Above all enjoy these few weeks as much as you can.

Thanks all for further responses, i am going to "let" him go although I am still a little nervous about baby arriving early but will try to relax about it. I really like the suggestion of planning some nice things to do while he is away.

I had briefly mentioned to him this morning that I was concerned about him going at 33 weeks and asked if there was any other time he could go but he was struggling to find affordable flights at a time he was sure his mum would be there. I've told him I've changed my mind and he is happily looking at flights now

...
He just looked over at my phone while I was typing the above and asked what I was doing, I had to admit I had asked the collective wisdom of mumsnet about him travelling which he thinks is very funny!