To not give a flying fuck for anyone or anything anymore

[mrcharlie]

First time I've posted on here.
Both me and my partner recently hit the BIG Five O. We have a son still in secondary school.
The past 20yrs has been a monumental slog, as I'm sure it is with everyone.
However, last year we finally turned the corner, mortgage paid, all debts paid...we now owe diddly squat. The feeling has hit us both like a tsunami, having gone from penny pinching for the past 20yrs whilst all those around (friends and family) lived a completely different life to ours we find ourselves switched off. We don't wish to hear their tales of woe, nor do we wish to visit others either...we are both perfectly happy and content to spend our weekends at home or out and about. But the animosity this has created with those around who in the past would turn up with a flash new car, or news of something extravagant we now find it so tedious and dull, we speak our minds and they leave.

Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please.

Are we BU ? or are we justified. Others (siblings and friends) have had massive financial help over the years and its been really tough for us to be the dull poor ones, we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please.

It's probably a good job you're happy with just each other as company then.

Nah, yanbu
The older I get, the less of a fuck I give about others. Not in a mean way, I'll never stop being kind and caring but unless it impacts me or my family circle, or a few close friends, I don't really care.
I think it comes with the wisdom you get with age. Flash cars aren't important, extravagant weddings, holidays etc.., I don't care! As long as my family and I are happy and safe I couldn't give a shit!

I don't fully understand your post . You were jealous of other people having a new car, now you can afford one , so you don't want to talk to anyone.

You sound intense. It'll be a relief to others, I think.

we speak our minds and they leave. no worries, they wont be back and you can enjoy your new car.

I still love spending time with friends and my own family unit, and I have lots of lovely work colleagues who I've formed bonds with. But I have absolutely no desire to make new friends, meet new people... be involved with drama. I just love locking my door at the end of the week and lavishing my time on those who I couldn't live without

I think it’s one thing to enjoy being debt free, but if you’re sneering at people not in the same position to their face I can see why people might not respond well. Especially if they’re your friends and family?
Basically do whatever makes you happy as long as you understand you might alienate others in the process.

So wait, you over stretched yourselves on the mortgage, paid it off at last but you’re butt hurt because?

They threw it in your face while you worked hard now the tables have turned...try to have a bit of dignity about it all go on holiday enjoy yourselves

Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please

What has this got to do with paying your debts off?

Well done on getting to this give no fucks point though, more ppl should earlier imo.

You sound like really unpleasant people. On the inside. Filled up with lots of nasty that you’re projecting onto everyone else for having the audacity to do alright for themselves. No-one else made your life decisions for you. It isn’t their fault you’re life was a slog.

I don't understand your post at all.
we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please. why on earth couldn't you do that when you still had a mortgage for example?

I can't see the link between being debt-free (which is a thing to celebrate), and the need to be rude and unpleasant. we speak our minds and they leave. Why couldn't you do that before? Did you feel inferior or something?

I’m so confused. So now that everything’s paid off you don’t want to talk to anyone?

I don’t get it. Congratulations for being debt free, that’s amazing and must be a lovely feeling. But I’m not sure why that means you’re not worried about anyone else any more?

So all these years you've resented anyone who was in a better financial position than you? Now you're debt free you're just going be an ignorant git to everyone? Thats twisted.

I don’t think I get it either. You were dull but now flash, and everyone else has always been flash but now poor and dull.

We both just don't want to end up back in debt. Friends and family constantly trying to push us into buying a newer car or going on a expensive lavish holiday or buying something extravagant, we decline all these and say we are just not interested none of these items are important to us, but I know that they see these materialistic objects differently and seem a little annoyed that we dismiss their pride and joy parked outside as a waste of money, we are both perfectly happy to live a simple life, the fact is we both are really wanting to quit full time work and work only part time. We are still saving hard to try and get our savings up. None of them know this and I'm certain it would kill the friendship dead.

Whenever they visit , the conversation always seems to turn to money and we both just switch off and pretty much glaze over!! They then get the hump and leave shortly afterwards.

Rather than try to build bridges I honestly wonder why I should. They chose their lifestyle and we chose ours.

Sorry if it sounds somewhat arrogant but "you reap what you sow" that's been both our mantra and driving force for the past 2 decades. We want to make our life easier, not dash out and line others pockets. We want to take a step back and breathe. We are not hurting anybody, but the resentment from others is making us both want to tell everyone to fuck off!!

They chose their life and we've chosen ours...What's the big problem!

You didn't like them flaunting, then you paid your debt, then you didn't like them moaning? Is that correct?

Well I agree with your second post. Well done for getting yourself in a secure financial position. You should still be interested in your family and friends though.

I’m not buying that all your friends and family are forcing you into buying holidays and cars etc and that the friendships would be dead if they knew you wanted to work part time. That’s utterly ridiculous. I think you and DH have massive chips on your shoulders about your situation and you’ve turned your F&F into the enemy. That’s not friendship. Friendship is what you have with people you like and enjoy talking to. You seem to resent everyone you know.

So when these friends/family turn up with their sparkly new cars, do you tell them that you think they’ve wasted their money? Or is it just when you get the hard sell that you give your views?

Why on earth would they care that you want to work part time?

Now the pressure is off you a bit, I think you should concentrate on finding friends who share your values. I think that will make you a lot happier.

How peculiar

I think I get what you're saying, OP.

Your friends equate success by having new cars and exotic holidays, but you're not that way inclined. You'd rather work part time to have added freedom of time, rather than more money in the bank.

If you think your friends will judge you for life choices like this, then they're not really friends.

But if you judge them for being materialistic, then you're not really their friends, either.

I think you're in the wrong social arena! My oh and i think like you. We are paying off or mortgage and saving for early retirement. It will be fine, but meagre-ish. So many people around us at work marvel that we could consider retiring on a low wage, but we value spending our time differently, and our friends and family get that. Maybe find friends who share your position?