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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give a flying fuck for anyone or anything anymore

123 replies

mrcharlie · 10/03/2019 17:38

First time I've posted on here.
Both me and my partner recently hit the BIG Five O. We have a son still in secondary school.
The past 20yrs has been a monumental slog, as I'm sure it is with everyone.
However, last year we finally turned the corner, mortgage paid, all debts paid...we now owe diddly squat. The feeling has hit us both like a tsunami, having gone from penny pinching for the past 20yrs whilst all those around (friends and family) lived a completely different life to ours we find ourselves switched off. We don't wish to hear their tales of woe, nor do we wish to visit others either...we are both perfectly happy and content to spend our weekends at home or out and about. But the animosity this has created with those around who in the past would turn up with a flash new car, or news of something extravagant we now find it so tedious and dull, we speak our minds and they leave.

Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please.

Are we BU ? or are we justified. Others (siblings and friends) have had massive financial help over the years and its been really tough for us to be the dull poor ones, we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2019 19:04

Friends and family constantly trying to push us into buying a newer car or going on a expensive lavish holiday or buying something extravagant

Really? I can’t get my head around that. Very odd. Why would anyone care if you got a new care or went to the Maldives?

Hmmm.

Mrsmadevans · 10/03/2019 19:05

You sound bitter OP

Livelovebehappy · 10/03/2019 19:07

Sounds like you were maybe a bit fake all these years, feeling you needed your family and friends because you were poor and struggling and pretended to enjoy their bragging, but now you have money you don’t feel you need anyone else? Agree with you on one thing though ; I’m not as much a people pleaser as I get older. I am who I am and if you like me great, if not then that’s great too. As long as the people I care about love me then all’s fine with the world.

MillyMollyMandie · 10/03/2019 19:11

OP, dont be so mean in spirit and try to be pleasant when a family member or friend is happy with their new car or whatever else they've bought.

After reading you post I keep in thinking about reverse snobbery on your part but I know this isn't reversed snobbery - though its something very similar to it.

Ameliant · 10/03/2019 19:12

Is your young son of a similar mindset?

Littleraindrop15 · 10/03/2019 19:17

I have no idea what you are talking about. Why would your friends stop being friends over you not buying a new car

Limensoda · 10/03/2019 19:18

It sounds like you have strange friends and family and you have a strange attitude too.
We've always lived simply, never had much money and have never splashed out or gone into debt for things. If we can't afford something we don't get it.
Our friends and family range from quite wealthy to quite poor, some of them splash out on holidays and cars and some don't. How they live has never affected us and vice versa.
No one has made a point of showing off and I've never Sen their thrill at what they have as them boasting either.
I really don't understand why it's an issue with you. Find some genuine friends and stop being so resentful.

SpenglerOswald · 10/03/2019 19:18

I rather suspect that op resents anyone that spends money differently and doesn’t like to see anyone enjoy life.

Fazackerley · 10/03/2019 19:22

You sound odd. And obsessed with money. When we pay our mortgage off it wont affect us at all. I'll still want my friends over.

It's very unhealthy mentally to have no social life as you get older.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2019 19:27

Gosh one of my family members lives like you. She and her dh would never scoff at us. How rude!

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 10/03/2019 19:29

What Soup Dragon said on page 1

yorkshirepud44 · 10/03/2019 19:30

It sounds like the relationships you've had with these people have been strangely focused on money.

I've nearly paid off the mortgage and while it's not a secret, I wouldn't presume anyone was interested in me and my mortgage unless they actually asked. Which I'm sure they won't as we have plenty of more interesting things to talk about.

Inliverpool1 · 10/03/2019 19:33

I have a boring friend who isbloody obsessed with money. I dread seeing her tbh whatever happened to keeping this stuff private

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2019 19:36

It kind of sounds as though you've spent 20 years feeling bitter and resentful towards everyone who's had more than you? Confused

What a total waste of life.

Why not be happy with what you've got and happy for others too?

AnyFucker · 10/03/2019 19:36

We paid our mortgage off several years ago

It hasn't changed our attitudes nor our relationships with other people one jot. In fact, nobody really knows our financial business.

You sound strange and unpleasant. My mother said a few years ago she was sick of life and was only going to look after number one from now on. She got her wish....nobody can stand the fucking sight of her, including her two children.

Inliverpool1 · 10/03/2019 19:38

Lol

7Pip · 10/03/2019 19:39

We have relatives who are very wealthy, but fuck me, buy a decent car ffs. I was transported in this 'vehicle' and had the take an antihistamine at the airport as my eyes swelled up from the dog hairs.
They're lovely, money is never mentioned, the circles I move in, you need to appear poorer than you are to avoid the tax man lol.

You sound deeply unpleasant and I would say that having a solitary existence until your death is not a pipe dream.

Slowknitter · 10/03/2019 19:40

You sound bitter and 'holier than thou'. It was your choice to be frugal over the years, it was their choice to enjoy life while they were younger and rack up some debt. I expect, from the sound of it, that you did plenty of moaning about their flash cars etc (were they actually showing off to you about those - or did they simply... own them?), but now apparently they aren't allowed to have a little moan about how life's going.

Original poster
mrcharlie · 10/03/2019 19:53

With regards to family members (siblings) it's a very fractured relationship due to parents showing favouritism on a monumental scale. Caused deep wounds that will never heal, parents tried to build bridges but wouldn't admit what the real cause was - end result NC with entire family. Huge amount of bitterness and made me determined to stand on my own 2 feet. Sheer stubbornness I agree.
Friends - the two I was closest too I've known since primary school. One has changed so much that I barely know them, not just my thoughts others have turned away too. They have become so materialistic and judgmental I find their company dull and tiresome and their circle of new friends have very similar traits. My other closest friend I rarely see as, like us they are knuckling down and trying to pay off all the debt.
We met up just after the new year and the snide comments began almost straight off. First the car we arrived in was called a "piece of shit" next my jeans (sainsburys) were mocked loudly. In all it was just horrible we left early and since then have barely spoke, I know that snide comments have also been put on Facebook, but I rarely ever visit Facebook - just don't like it.
The friend who we get on with wants to try another go at keeping the group together - but I just don't care. If I never see them again I wouldn't be bothered.

It's very sad as I remember all the laughs we once shared - but so much has now been said I'm perfectly happy to tell them to F off.

OP posts:
7Pip · 10/03/2019 19:56

My point is that money can become such an obsession to some people, that they couldn't lie straight in the bed.
Would I love to be a millionaire? Probably. I'd love not to have to worry. But if I spent my life worrying about not having to worry, I'm not sure that's so good.

BoomTish · 10/03/2019 19:57

I’m very confused.

20 years isn’t that long to toil and gain financial security.

I’ve never once had someone given me unsolicited advice about how I should spend my money. In fact, bar knowing that we’re ok, I don’t think any of our friends or family have a clue about our financial situation.

Weird thread, weird attitude.

BoomTish · 10/03/2019 20:00

I read your 19.53 update, OP.

I’m seeing one common demonitor.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 20:00

Ok, so you sound exactly like my relatives, right down to the car. They seem as contented as pigs in shit. Do I want to socialise with them again? No.

BarbarianMum · 10/03/2019 20:04

I've always wobdered why some people turn entirely self-centred and selfish when they hit later life. Thanks for the insight.

I would add that many I've known like this end up lonely and bitter and alone, so enjoy it whilst you can.

BarbarianMum · 10/03/2019 20:07

20 years isnt that long to toil and gain financial security

Indeed, many people take far longer. Others never get there. But I guess some people resent it and feel entitled to better things.