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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To press charges against this parent?

643 replies

Rosegarden10 · 10/03/2019 08:39

I've name changed for this as obviously this is very outing.

On Friday, my child attended a school disco. Whilst they were at the school disco, another parent broke into the school and was banging on the hall doors to get in. When she couldnt access the hall she kicked the glass door and broke the window smashing the glass. The children and adults inside were terrified and they had to evacuate the children in an emergency lockdown procedure.

My child (and the majority of the other children) are now traumatised. My child doesnt want to go back to school tomorrow. The police arrived at the scene however it doesnt appear as though they arrested her as she the parent was on the parent WhatsApp group trying to justify her behaviour an hour after the incident.

Can I press charges against this woman for the trauma she has caused my child and the other children? I am so angry!!

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 10/03/2019 10:59

OP if your DC is so traumatised and you aren’t equipped to reassure her can I suggest you contact Judy Murray for some tips ? She seems to have done ok with her DC despite the ( very real ) trauma they went through .

Ellapaella · 10/03/2019 10:59

And how is swearing on Mumsnet in anyway comparable to an adult shouting and swearing and behaving in an intimidating way in front of young children?Hmm

IceRebel · 10/03/2019 11:00

a real life deranged lunatic rocking up to a kids disco making threats to kill?

The Op has no proof this is the case, and deranged lunatic is completely inappropriate language.

The poster shocked about the swearing has proof the Op has done so.

ScienceItUsedToBeAThing · 10/03/2019 11:01

I've been through something similar with my children. Tried not to make a big deal of it. Unsurprisingly they were scared shitless for weeks.

Funny enough it's not really the parent or child's fault for not being "resilient" enough. Fucking hell.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 11:01

Who said she wants anyone to pay anything? Ffs!

I didn't say pay money. Posters are clearly reading other peoples posts an assuming people are saying pay money.

The OP said she wants them to Pay. Which is what people have repeated. Not pay money.

A suggestion to sue was made because that's the only thing she could do. Though it probably wouldn't be successful.

Ellapaella · 10/03/2019 11:02

What's so shocking about people swearing on mumsnet? Anyone shocked by that needs to get a grip.. not the Op. The OP has the word of her child and the other children that were there and were upset and frightened by it. That would be good enough for me.

saoirse31 · 10/03/2019 11:02

If you're after cash OP I'd think you could sue school if they in fact made any errors in safeguarding. But seeing as how lockdown/ evacuation worked properly from what u say, and nothing happened children other than that they were briefly scared, to sue would show everyone exactly what type of person you are.

I'd concentrate on saying to your child how isn't it great that teachers protected you so well, you're safe in school and back in on Monday.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 11:02

Perhaps we should have the police charge the OP with swearing. Lol. Sad.

Frecklesonmyarm · 10/03/2019 11:03

I've been through something similar with my children. Tried not to make a big deal of it. Unsurprisingly they were scared shitless for weeks.

How do you know you have?

The op doesnt know what happened. She only has the story from children's gossip, which is where the terrorist suggestion came in. From older kids.

Bluntness100 · 10/03/2019 11:04

I'm quite surprised thr kids thought this was a terrorist attack given that some of them would have recognised the woman and known she was one of thr mums.and staff would have been on hand to reassure rhe kids.

As much as I am sure it was upsetting for thr kids, I think the op is over exaggerating for reasons only she knows. I the fact there was no arrest would indicate this to be correct.

Op, instead of being all drama llama and vindictive wanting her "locked up" I suggest you focus your energies on talking to your child about it. In a reasonable way, if you cannot control yourself and emotions then do you have a responsible adult who can do it for you? Father, grandparent, uncle aunt etc?

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 11:04

'to pay' doesn't always refer to money. Its often used to mean feel the consequences of actions.
And cyber suggested that the woman must be drunk or suffering ill health or be a victim of dv (apologies if any of that isn't quite right, not checked back). I asked if she similarly excused everyone acting in an aggressive, threatening manner. I thought it was quite clear.

LakieLady · 10/03/2019 11:04

they can ban the parent from school grounds.

They had to do that at a school local to me, to 2 feuding families. They just brawled outside the school then, until the head insisted that each family used a different entrance and staggered their timings.

The children seemed to find it very exciting that A's mummy had a fight with B's mummy, my neighbour's little girl couldn't wait to tell me the whole story!

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 11:05

I think we've seen recently that being a mum doesn't stop you being a terrorist

Waveysnail · 10/03/2019 11:05

I'd actually feel sorry for head teacher for death threats

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 11:05

I'm sure it is a hell of a lot less likely. But not impossible

Serin · 10/03/2019 11:05

Apologies, no time to read full thread but I would probably send in some nice biscuits or a bunch if flowers tomorrow for the staff who were involved.
I would have a chat with DD about how rare these incidents are and how although it's wrong to behave in such a way the teachers and police dealt with the lady swiftly and reassure that she is safe at school.
Then I'd do something nice today to take her mind off it.

StealthPolarBear · 10/03/2019 11:07

I do think the main point is that this all happened on Friday. The op needs to see how the school deals with it Iver the coming weeks before deciding whether they've dealt with it well.

iklboo · 10/03/2019 11:07
Shock
Bluntness100 · 10/03/2019 11:08

The mother should have definitely been arrested

Absoltely, if the ops version was true she likely would have been, there would have been further action of some sort, if nothing more than for her own protection.

The fact she was not tells you everything you need to know about thr ops version.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 11:08

Anyway, by the sounds of what the OP said, she isn't the only parent annoyed. The others on the Whatsapp group are discussing what if anything they can potentially do.
She asked a question and got eaten alive. Way to go MN!

IceRebel · 10/03/2019 11:10

She asked a question and got eaten alive

The OP has been more than able to stand up for herself.

llangennith · 10/03/2019 11:10

Maybe run school discos a bit differently? No need to lock hall doors.
When we run any after school event the doors are unlocked and an adult is stationed at each door, to stop kids disappearing as much as anything else. There are two internal doors to the hall and two double doors from the hall leading to the field which are generally opened for fresh air. All doors manned by staff or approved helpers.
The situation you describe wouldn't have escalated the way it did if the angry parent hadn't been locked out but dealt with calmly and appropriately.
Unless you are in the USA I'd say everything was badly handled by the adults.

7Pip · 10/03/2019 11:11

It would be interesting to hear from a teacher who was present. Perhaps the woman had calmed down by the time police arrived.

M3lon · 10/03/2019 11:11

Hey OP, I'd be totally enraged if my DD had this experience too.

I don't really understand the responses you've had. It is a shit thing that has happened...it shouldn't have happened and damage has been done to the confidence of a great number of children as a result.

You have my sympathy!

The key thing to focus on is supporting your child. Children all need to feel that the places they go on their own without their parents are safe - particularly school. That trust has been dented/destroyed by this event - I'm not surprised your child doesn't want to go back.

I think if it were me, I'd focus on making sure they still felt safe at home at least. Lots of reassuring physical contact etc. Then I'd be talking about the way people can feel so angry that they do things they don't really want to or mean to. Most kids can relate to that! Shouting 'I want to kill X' doesn't really mean that someone would do it - there's a big distance between threatening and acting. Reinforce that throughout it all, there wasn't actually any danger to them, just fear of danger. Fear is pretty darn horrible - but it shouldn't be confused with real danger or actual damage. Part of trauma like this is losing that dividing line...possibly even starting to believe you have been physically hurt when actually you haven't. The memory plays tricks when it fails to function properly during a traumatic event.

Finally do make yourself aware of the symptoms of PTSD, and take action if your child exhibits any of them.

twattymctwatterson · 10/03/2019 11:13

Op are you taking in that individuals "pressing charges" isn't a thing in the uk? The police arrest and the CPS prosecute so you're not going to have her locked up. It's not possible.
I completely understand how scary this must have been but you're not doing yourself any favours on this thread.
I've no idea if you'd be able to sue which is a different thing. It would cost you money to bring a civil case to court and you could end up massively out of pocket. I'm not a solicitor but have the feeling you're unlikely to be successful.