To ask if you would be/are happy with this level of sex education?

[manicinsomniac]

Last week the Year 8s where I work were off timetable for a morning to attend workshops run by a company which specialises in more sensitive sex education that is difficult for children to open up to teachers about - consent, sexting, porn, legality etc. The workshop is marketed at their age group and parents were informed it was happening/given the option to withdraw their children. Nobody did.

But I was really taken aback - both about what was covered and what some of the children evidently understood. Some of it was done with no teachers present so I don't know about that but what I saw included detailed discussion about the content of pornography and how it compares to real life, how to know if you are ready to have sex, the dangers of anal sex and which scenarios are and aren't legal when it comes to sexting and consent.

Many of the children clearly knew about and appreciated such statements as 'The pizza man just delivers the pizza and leaves - real life or fantasy porn?' 'Most couples have anal sex - true or false?' Putting aside the awkward sense this left me with that these 12 year olds have obviously seen more explicit material than I have (!), I can see that the workshop was really important for them. They're obviously at that level so they need it. I'm just stunned that they are. They seem so young.

My concern is really that there were some children who had no idea about any of this. And it seemed a bit early/inappropriate to educate them in it! Our head wants Year 7 to have the same workshop towards the end of the summer term. My daughter is in Year 7 and I am 99.9% certain that she has never seen porn, never sent or received a sext, doesn't know what anal sex is, has never seen an adult penis to wonder whether it's above average size or not and hasn't had any sexualised experiences at all. She doesn't have a phone or an iPad and she isn't on social medial. Several of her friends seem to be at a similar developmental stage. The year group as a whole seem much more than a year younger than the year above. But some are more experienced/mature than my daughter, obviously.

I don't want to be 'that parent' (especially as I'm a teacher at the school!). But I would really like to withdraw my daughter from this. I just don't really want her listening to it. Some of it even made me hot and uncomfortable! (yes, I admit, I'm a prude).

Would you be happy with it?

I think yr 8/ yr 9 is about the right age for this type of sex education based on what I know goes on with some yr 9's. their concept of what constitutes 'normal' sex is very scary.
Have some myths busted out would be very useful.

The game you are describing is 'Planet Earth vs Planet Porn. I teach SRE and do this with Yr10. Yr 8 is too young for this game. Consent, healthy relationships, respect, even sexting, all suitable providing the content is measured. But the porn game isnt

Yes! That's the one. There were definitely planets involved. That's interesting that it's normally ranked older than the other sections. It's certainly the bit that had me sinking into my marking pile and wishing I was anywhere else.

I would not be happy at this at all. Children are being sexualized from a very young age and I do not understand why we as parents aren't in uproar !!

They need these sessions because they are being sexualised from a young age. The sex ed sessions aren’t the cause of sexualisation at this age, but early intervention has to be a good thing.

When I did my training, I was advised that it was aimed at KS4. Im a HOY and took on teaching SRE as a discreet subject during PDC lessons. I teach Yr 10 on a rotation. Knowing the resource, you ard right with your concerns. Yr 8 are too young.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/international-womens-day-girls-schools-sexual-abuse-rape-revenge-porn-a8813901.html

Read this OP. If your daughter isn't learning NOW about sexting and porn then she's going to learn from boys who tell her "one photo won't matter", "I won't show anyone", then "let me do this to you or I'll show everyone", "come on, it's ok, everyone does it". Yes at 12 and 13 years of age, because the boys will be getting their sex ed from porn at that age and with nobody to tell them otherwise they will think this is normal. You would be doing your daughter a massive disservice to communicate that you are uncomfortable with her learning facts, that things that might happen to her are things she cannot talk about.

OP you say your daughter doesn't even have a tablet or phone. She seems very sheltered. In the cases I've worked with in the past, it's these children who are the most at risk.

I’d say that was more appropriate from 15 year olds

That is a good point omgithurts - I just need to get over my natural squeamishness, I guess. I think it's harder to be there and see/hear the children's reactions that just to know as a parent that it's happening at school.

Greggers - I don't know. She's pretty sheltered, I guess. But I haven't got much spare money and she's never been interested in tech so it's never seemed worth the money to get anything like that. I have a phone and a laptop. She's not banned from them; just not really engaged by them. And she uses iPads/does computing at school. I've got a 16 year old who's similar (she does have a phone but doesn't use social medial). It's just the way they are. And they're both dancers which is sooooo expensive. But yes, maybe her interests have made her unusually sheltered.

This sounds fantastic!
It is great that the kids get that kind of education before they get to the age when they are all having sex. If you do it two or three years later it will be too late for a lot of them.
There is a lot of pressure to engage in the kind of sex seen in porn, knowing the difference between porn and reality will hopefully equip the kids with much better understanding and empower them to stand up for themselves.

Most teens have lost their virginity by age 15 in my experience, so any kind of education at 15 is far too late. They’re already teaching themselves all the wrong things and they won’t believe anything you have to say about it.

My daughter is in Year 7 and I am 99.9% certain that she has never seen porn, never sent or received a sext, doesn't know what anal sex is

You may well be absolutely correct but I do think it’s actually better to educate kids about it before they experience it, rather than try to undo any harmful consequences after the fact, for example a child not being aware of the potential consequences of sending nude pictures.
(Also I imagine she does know what anal sex is, and if not it’s pretty self-explanatory - I don’t think it’s particularly difficult, or graphic, to explain anal sex to someone who is already aware of vaginal sex.)

If the material being used is recommended for older children, then this should be raised.

Made me realise all ours are due a bit more education. Eldest has a phone. Will have a chat about sexting etc.

I agree that having to discuss all this stuff is difficult, but I would rather they were educated and understand. Ignorance makes them so vulnerable.

Age 12 is not too young! Kids that age want information about sex. I used to read my mother’s romance novels to try to piece together scraps of information. Surely it’s better to have the facts and the details than no information or untrue information?

My DD has this in PSHE in the spring of year 8. Thank god she did as in the summer term she was sent an unsolicited dick shot by a year 10 boy another school. She understood she needed to delete and report.

Yes, I'd be fine with this. I wish it wasn't needed quite so young but from what the kids I know tell me as to what's happening then it's definitely needed.

If you remove her she will still hear about this from all the other children in her year, just without the context she would receive from actually attending. It's better for her to hear from an adult than feel pressured from someone her age.

Sounds like this is the perfect time for her to learn about these things. Better to prepare her before this is part of her life, rather than to try fix things after her peers have influenced her.

I wish it weren't necessary, but I think it probably is.

I have a year 7 kid, and almost all of her year group have smartphones. With this comes the possibility of accessing explicit material, including being sent it unsolicited. According to my year 7 kid, very few parents discuss this with their DC. Most worryingly they neglect to discuss that sending an explicit picture of themselves or another is an offence that could lead them to be placed on the sex offender register.

This may not be an unpopular opinion, but IMO if your kid has any form of unsupervised internet access, and here you may wish to consider what they can access on friends' phones or at friends' houses, then it's irresponsible not to have some level of conversation about porn and there explicit material.

I think this is the right age. Sex education needs to happen before the sex, not after.

One of my friends think the same about her boy age 10. He's all innocent- Oh no he's not from what my ds tells me he talks about in the playground. Tbh I will be having porn chat in the summer before secondary school

If they don't get taught it aged 11/12, they'll hear about it from the Year 8 and 9s. By Year 10, it's too bloody late, as they're already being coerced into sending selfies, being manhandled or sharing snapchats of the younger girls who don't realise it's not normal to send photos of your (shaven) vulva to somebody who wants to 'see the goods beforehand' and aren't confident enough to be able to say 'Fuck off' and cope with the resulting 'You're frigid', 'I'll tell them you gave me a blowjob anyway, so you might as well do it' or worse. Year 7s are nightmares for attempting to get around filters to find pornography (YouTube - I'm fucking looking at you here - we need YT for lessons - sort your fucking act out) and phone related pornography and sexual coercion are the number one reasons why most schools have mobile phone bans onsite. It's not because they distract or leave them open to robbery, no matter how much we say it is - it's because teenage boys in packs with camera phones are fucking predatory little shits if they aren't put straight before they've realised there is strength in numbers against girls.

Believe me, the little snippets that I've heard over the years drifting into my office window or have reported kids for viewing in school time are WAYYY more shocking than the education your DC and peers have, thankfully, been given.

Age 12 is too young.

I would like to agree with you I really would. But sadly they grow up very quickly these days and if we do it any later then we risk it having all the effectiveness of handing out condoms at the maternity ward.

I have a year 8 boy, in year 7 he asked me what porn was as one of his mates was egging him on to Google it. Sadly I think the sex ed OP outlined probably is needed at this age.

for year 8 fantastic!

Mitzik - I don't know if makes any difference but our Y8s are the oldest in the school (it's an independent pre prep and prep school) so they aren't been taught anything by older children - not in school, at least. Having said that though, yes, some of the things that have happened in that year group since Christmas have been really worrying. Our Year 7s seem like babies in comparison but I'm sure there are a couple who would follow suit in a few months time. You're right, the proactive approach is better than the reactive. I just don't like that we need it.