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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday and no gifts

82 replies

Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 14:13

This is not the first birthday I have not received anything. I am not a grabby person but it just makes me feel like I don't matter to anyone. That I am not special. I always make birthdays a big thing for loved ones and no one reciprocates with me. My husband has confessed to not getting me anything and has no plans to do so either. Feeling very sad tbh. It is not a materialistic thing. I just feel un loved.

OP posts:
JaneEyre07 · 09/03/2019 15:45

My DH is awful at birthdays, and I've spent far too many feeling a crushing disappointment so now I arrange my own.

Last year I took the dogs off in the car, drove for 2 hours to our nearest beach and sat for the day watching the world go by with a nice picnic, good book and my camera, and had a fab day. I highly recommend it!

And he no longer gets a lot of effort and attention.... no more homemade cakes, family parties, weeks of thinking of a gift. This year he got a card, box of chocolates and a shop bought cake. His face was a picture, and he think he's now learned you get what you give.

GreenTulips · 09/03/2019 15:48

I agree what comes around goes around

Do the same back and see how he likes it!!

Book yourself a treat for later or tomorrow and tell him to look after DS your going out!

Sparkletastic · 09/03/2019 15:50

Utterly shit of your DH and I would honestly be reconsidering the future. But OP please don't waste this day feeling sad. Do you have enough money to go out and treat yourself and DS to a meal? Or get yourself some lovely flowers and order yourself a takeaway. If DH asks where his is tell him it's wherever your birthday present is

harriethoyle · 09/03/2019 15:56

Your husband's an arse. Happy birthday OP Cake

Springiscomingsoon · 09/03/2019 15:56

Happy birthday! Unless you are having money troubles then I would find something you want and ask for it! Although this obviously isn't ideal! Maybe even get your husband to take your son out to choose you a candle or something!
I hope DH cherishes you in lots of other ways.
A 🎁 from me x

Nicolamarlow1 · 09/03/2019 15:56

I am sad for you. I always dread my birthday, it is always a disappointment. I am totally sick of pretending that I don't really mind that neither of my siblings has got a card to me on my birthday (usually DS rings and says the card is on her hall table ready to be posted).
I know it's not the same as I don't know you personally but 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"CakeCakeFlowersFlowers

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 09/03/2019 15:58

Petty but ignore his.
And Father's day too.
And ltb.

thedisorganisedmum · 09/03/2019 16:05

You won't change him. You have told him how important it is, how upset it makes you feel, and he hasn't changed. He won't. That's not on.

Book yourself a day somewhere, take a friend with you if you prefer, make a special day out of it. Even take your kid to a weekend somewhere. You don't have to be miserable, you can make a big thing out of it. It should be your Dh who organises, but as he won't, then you must do something and treat yourself.

And buy your own present from your joint account too of course.

Walkmehome · 09/03/2019 16:06

Is he taking you out anywhere to celebrate?

Even if he thought it was Monday (don’t believe that for a moment) what are his plans for Monday?

ILiveInSalemsLot · 09/03/2019 16:07

Is he crap at Mother’s Day too? If it matters to you and he’s not going to bother then plan something with ds for then too. Do remind him though.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 09/03/2019 16:12

Happy birthday 🥳 mummyshark. This is crap, please please stick to your plan and don’t buy anyone else that hasn’t bothered a present this year.

Do you have siblings, parents, friends? Have they not bothered either? Do you buy for them?

I hope you have a lovely day, get a vase out 💐 🌷 🌹

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 09/03/2019 16:17

YANBU, in fact I’m furious for you.

I too have a shitty DP, I’ve learned not to expect much over the years, so I save myself £20 a month and blow it all on my birthday!
Happy Birthday Op CakeFlowers xx

missbattenburg · 09/03/2019 16:21

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear mummyshark,
Happy Birthday to you!!

Wait till DH's birthday. Find a pressie for him - for example a jumper worth about £30. Don't buy it. Put £30 aside and then buy yourself something nice with the money when your own birthday comes around again. Oh, and try downing tools for the day too. Only do nice things for the day.

darthbreakz · 09/03/2019 16:30

Go out, buy yourself something extravagant and come home pissed on melon saki tinis somewhere around 3am.

Happy Birthday!

Bookworm4 · 09/03/2019 17:15

Ignorant git he is, you celebrate his birthday but he ignores yours 😡😡
Do you have other family? Are they just as rude?

Original poster
Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 18:00

He just said he will take me out for a present and Incan choose it. I told him to stuff it! I am raging. I told him he should have thought about this before and this is a cop out. It is 6pm and I am not going to go round the shops frantically looking for a gift so he feels better. I told him he is selfish and to leave me alone. I am angry now, not upset!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 18:00

I just got one present from a friend but nothing else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 18:01

Yes, he is also crap at mothers day. I am going to plan something just for DS and I this year.

OP posts:
StandUpForYourRights · 09/03/2019 18:05

Happy birthday FlowersWine

My DH is a bit like this. Doesn't make a fuss. It was definitely the way he was raised. No one ever made a fuss for children or adults when he was growing up, not even for big birthdays, so its completely normal for him. A bit sad really. We are raising our DC differently Wink.

Could it be similar for your DH? You need to book the table and be forthcoming in telling him what you would like / like to do.

Original poster
Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 18:12

I went off in a huff upstairs and the car is gone. They have gone out to see what they can get. Hmm

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 09/03/2019 18:24

@JaneEyre07
That sounds a perfect day.

AdoraBell · 09/03/2019 18:32

Happy Birthday 🎂🍾

Definitely do something with DS for Mother’s Day and don’t involve “D” H

Also, do nothing for his next birthday.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 09/03/2019 18:32

Glad he’s gone.
It’s always so sad reading about partners who can’t be bothered with acknowledging birthdays and mothers days. Or Xmas sometimes.
Usually all the op is asking for is a token, a symbolic gesture which says ‘you matter and I thought of you’. It could be a car, flowers, chocolate, candle, books whatever.
I’ve hardly ever read a post where the op was expecting anything extravagant

Original poster
Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 18:56

Yes but I feel that he's gone because I made a fuss. I would just love to be given something without having to make a big song and dance. Because it hasn't come from his heart. It's just a matter of grabbing what he can before the shop shuts to get him off the hook.

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 09/03/2019 19:07

Yes I agree it's the thought that counts not the actual thing that's bought.
Buy yourself something nice next opportunity you get. Treat yourself. Inconsiderate man would be lost without you.Remind yourself you are special.
Flowers A big Happy Birthday from me.