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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday and no gifts

82 replies

Mummyshark2019 · 09/03/2019 14:13

This is not the first birthday I have not received anything. I am not a grabby person but it just makes me feel like I don't matter to anyone. That I am not special. I always make birthdays a big thing for loved ones and no one reciprocates with me. My husband has confessed to not getting me anything and has no plans to do so either. Feeling very sad tbh. It is not a materialistic thing. I just feel un loved.

OP posts:

TapasForTwo · 09/03/2019 15:08

OH has memory issues and actually asks me to remind him when it is my birthday. I usually arrange a meal out as well. He hates it when people passively aggressively make pointed comments about forgetting birthdays (SIL does this).

mumwon · 09/03/2019 15:08

dh was in hospital for long time he managed to get card & scarf from hospital shop for me :) it doesn't take a lot to say thank you & happy birthday (or whatever!) a card box of chocs a bunch of flowers from a supermarket or garage - & than I will cook you a meal or get take away - (shakes head) happy birthday if you share bank account or money with him - treat yourself to tea & coffee out (with girl friends or sister or mum) & he pays!!!!!

ILiveInSalemsLot · 09/03/2019 15:08

Your ds sounds lovely. How old is he?
Go out and buy yourself something with him. Even if it’s a bunch of cheap flowers. Get some ingredients for a cake and tell ds you’re both going to make s cake for your birthday.
Show him that you do matter. This is how he’ll learn. If you leave it to your dh, he ll never learn.

Definitely don’t do anything for his.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 09/03/2019 15:09

Tell dh he can make it up to you later. If he won't, I would be considering my future.

sodabreadjam · 09/03/2019 15:11

Happy Birthday!

If he thought your birthday was Monday, why is he not getting something now?

You can make an agreement not to get anything for each other but it is a pretty joyless way to live and it doesn’t set a good example for your DS.

Is your DH mean and inconsiderate in other ways?

Cherrysoup · 09/03/2019 15:14

Take dc and go somewhere lovely. Dump the inconsiderate twat you’re married to.

Busybusybust · 09/03/2019 15:14

Hapy birthday Mummyshark!

I totally understand what you mean. Your problem is you haven't made enough fuss about this! My husband 'forgot' our first wedding anniversary......let's just say he never forgot it again!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/03/2019 15:15

His excuse was he thought it was Monday.

Well that's the biggest load of bull shit for a start. He'd already and seemingly unashamedly said. He's not getting you anything, so to say that. He must know quite well it's your birthday.
Your ds is a little . Kids certainly show a lot of adults a thing or 2 about compassion and thought for others.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/03/2019 15:17

My husband for got our wedding anniversary. Let's just say he never forgot again.

Is that you Sybil Fawlty.

Orangecake123 · 09/03/2019 15:20

Happy birthday OP.

I don't think your grabby and would be hurt too.

Can you do something nice for yourself?

BlueJava · 09/03/2019 15:21

Sorry your birthday wasn't as you wanted... how about next year planning something nice for yourself and your DC. Plan to go somewhere and do something - it needn't be crazy or expensive and you can put the off £1 by for it. It should be something you don't usually do to feel special though! When I lived in another country by myself I know I would have no presents or cards so I booked myself on a hike (my thing - yours may be different!) and then in the evening went to a lovely restaurant all by myself. I don't know if anyone looked because I was by myself as I didn't care - I prebooked and asked for a table by the window for the view!

YouTheCat · 09/03/2019 15:21

Did he bother at Christmas or did he forget the date for that too?

Don't buy him anything, not even a card. Show him the same consideration he shows you.

woolduvet · 09/03/2019 15:22

I'd ask him what he wants for his birthday, give great hints, then do nothing claiming you thought it was Monday. Then smile sweetly.

FriarTuck · 09/03/2019 15:22

I always make birthdays a big thing for loved ones and no one reciprocates with me.
Yes he should have got you a card or something, but just because someone makes a big deal of others' birthdays doesn't mean that others should reciprocate. Obviously birthdays mean a lot to you, but it's possible that your DH (and others) aren't that fussed and would be happy with just a card on their birthday or even not bothering with it. You shouldn't be giving with the expectation of receiving. And if it means that much to you then you need to be communicating that fact clearly in advance (and hints do not count).

neveradullmoment99 · 09/03/2019 15:25

Why on earth do you not just tell him you are upset? Maybe then he will not forget next time and pull his finger out to get something.
I would treat myself to something. Then go out and have a nice meal with a friend/mum. Stuff him.

DwayneDibbly · 09/03/2019 15:27

That was a total dick move on your DHs part. Even if he wasn't buying you something from himself, he should've bought a gift on behalf of your son IMO. As for thinking it was Monday, surely the weekend before your birthday would be an appropriate time to celebrate, seeing as you'll probably be back in work at the start of the week.

Is he generally quite thoughtless?

Whatsnewpussyhat · 09/03/2019 15:30

Selfish dickhead.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 09/03/2019 15:31

Happy Birthday OP

rosydreams · 09/03/2019 15:33

i get no presents but one from my other half if it wasn't for him i would have nothing .Your man sounds like a twat

Piapiapianopianopiano · 09/03/2019 15:34

Happy birthday!

Yabbers · 09/03/2019 15:37

My birthday too. 🥳

Happy birthday, day mates!

emilybrontescorsett · 09/03/2019 15:38

Can you and ds go somewhere nice?
Make sure you don't put yourself out for your dh.
It's awful my ex h could be like this.
Dp is the total opposite.

cmjwx · 09/03/2019 15:39

Happy birthday OP

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/03/2019 15:39

That’s rubbish OP.
Did your parents/friends/family not bother either? Or just your H?

Godowneasy · 09/03/2019 15:45

I have the rage on your behalf OP!
I can't imagine how awful a lot of people's relationships must be for one partner not to bother getting a present at all for the other on their birthday when they would like one. Just how does a relationship disintegrate that far?
It must be like a kick in the teeth for the one with the birthday. It seems a very passive aggressive act to me.
As a single parent, when my dd was young, I'd take us both out to dinner and also I'd buy myself a really lovely gift for my birthday or Xmas. I suggest you do the same OP- grab yours and DS's coats and go into town and look together for a present for you and one for DS too. then go for an early dinner in a naice restaurant before grabbing a bottle of wine just for you to drink this evening at home while watching netflix. In fact, make a whole weekend of your birthday celebrations and take DS out for Sunday dinner tomorrow too.
Tell DH you're looking forward to celebrating your birthday with him on Monday and receiving a wonderful present from him too!

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