DH furious about after work drink

[dkl55]

Wondering if I’m being totally naive and ridiculous. I recently went to a networking event where myself and a few others spoke on a panel as freelancers. Met a really nice group of people. One of the others who works in a similar industry suggested we meet one day for a coffee - I thought there was a client I had who might be able to use his services and he had said he’d recommend me on too. Anyway he emailed me to follow up and asked to meet late afternoon for a pint, nearby where he had a job on - fairly close to where I live. I said to DH I had a work meeting with the guy and went off. Was texting DH whilst I was there and said when I was on my way back - nearly two hours later. We chatted about work and was also nice to just catch up about working for ourselves, the industry we work in and potential client I think could suit him. Anyway DH was making me dinner and when I got home he asked why I was so long and who was this man anyway. Proceeded to get really angry - I was just looking at him slightly astounded. He said I was drunk and smirking (I literally had one large glass wine). I certainly wasn’t smirking. I said he’s being unreasonable which made him angrier than ever and he said he didn’t want to speak to me. I went to our room and after a bit went back and said I was sorry he was upset but there was nothing to be upset about. He refused to listen and just got even angrier and the started to say he’s going to go for drinks with women after work. Even getting annoyed enought to say he’s going to download tinder. He won’t listen to me and honestly I don’t believe there was any sleazy intentions - certainly not on my side. AIBU to think it’s ok for a married woman to go and have a late afternoon drink with a potential new work contact?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

NameChangeNugget "Sorry to say this but, people who react like that, are normally judging others by their own standards"

Sadly that was my first thought too .

[dkl55]

He was pissed off because last week I was invited to a business awards do by a company who I pass on a lot of work to. It turned into a bit of a piss up and we all went out after. I ended up getting home at 3am. He did call me as he was worried and then the next day was a bit annoyed but not terribly. Now he's brought that up again along with this, as me behaving "oddly"...

[Ninkaninus]

Yes. When there is unfounded rage like this it is very often that projecting. They cannot see anything else because that is who they are. He is quite likely either the kind of person who will cheat at some point, if he hasn’t already.

But even if that isn’t the case, he is bang out of order. Like I said, if my DH ever pulled that kind of stunt and didn’t sort his attitude once I’d challenged him on his utterly dickish behaviour, it would be the end of us. I am no man’s chattel.

[Ninkaninus]

Sigh. *That person.

[Ninkaninus]

What, so you -gasp- had the temerity to actuallly go out and have fun recently?? And he had a problem with that and so now he feels justified in being furious with you for doing your job?

He sounds like a dream...

[Sashkin]

"suggest to him that rather than put him through such pain, you will stop working"

Oh god, don't do this! It sounds like that is exactly what he wants, a good little wifey chained to the kitchen sink....

I would have absolutely zero tolerance for this, particularly his "downloading Tinder" tantrumming. Really, he thinks that you working is the same as him going on Tinder? Has he always been such a controlling cunt?

[Sashkin]

"He was pissed off because last week I was invited to a business awards do"

Oh I missed this. He is jealous, not of this guy, but of you, having a job and being successful, instead of knowing your place and staying at home to make his dinner.

The drink is not the issue here. You not being sufficiently under his thumb is the problem, but hopefully if he is horrible to you for long enough you will learn how you ought to behave as his wife to avoid setting him off.

[MulticolourMophead]

My first thought was that he already has Tinder and has concocted a cover story for his own behaviour. If someone were to subsequently tell you they'd found him on Tinder he'd just claim he did it to spite you.

I thought this as well. I bet if OP searched now, she'd find it.

[ILoveMaxiBondi]

Ooh I would stamp on that shit so hard he’d never raise an eyebrow again about networking drinks. No way would I be saying sorry to him! I have zero patience for jealousy or accusations of whatever. If he thinks you would cheat then he needs to end the relationship. Tell him that’s his only option. Or you will end it for him because you certainly will not be accused of cheating.

[cuppycakey]

Another one here thinking he is projecting.

I bet he is already on Tinder

[expat101]

Hubby has his panties in a twist because he has worked himself up into a state. Leave it for now, if he brings it up again tell him you are happy to talk it over when he is calm and reasoned enough to listen.

[ILoveMaxiBondi]

I bet if OP searched now, she'd find it.

Yep.

[AudTheDeepMinded]

Happy International Women's Day OP!

[HappyLife21]

Surely when he calms down he will apologise and realise what a twat he’s been?

[Aquamarine1029]

It is seriously fucked up that he would even think to threaten you with joining Tinder. Who even thinks like that?

Oh wait... Someone who's already on Tinder.

[DuchessOfPhysics]

He threatened Tinder very quickly, I agree with PPs, there's a chance he was glad to have a REASON to have Tinder.

Don't say sorry to him OP. IF you say sorry he'll want you working from home next.

[64sNewName]

misogynist dicksmack

^^ this, this is perfect

[ILoveMaxiBondi]

Set up a tinder account OP and set your distance bracket to within 2 miles of yourself. Set the age bracket about 10 years either side of his actual age. He’ll probably have lied about his age.

[HollowTalk]

Are there children involved, OP?

[Ohyesiam]

I would be suspicious op, the only time I’ve ever been accused of cheating was by an irate bf who I subsequently realised (while at the clap clinic) cheated on me.

[WeWantJustice]

1. He's either been playing away or he's intending to.

1. No one ever remarks on just how insulting this sort of shit is. What exactly is he accusing you of? Of being unfaithful? Of intending to be unfaithful? So he thinks you're dishonest and promiscuous?

Are you dishonest and promiscuous? If not, why are you wasting time wondering whether he's unreasonable or you're unreasonable, instead of just telling him to leave? You don't want to live with a man who has such a low opinion of you.

[Howdidthisbecomemylife]

This has made me feel a bit sick for you. This was exactly how my dh would behave, it only got worse. They chip and chip until you feel like you are in the wrong and you walk on egg shells, living life to their rules. Coercive control is getting a lot of press right now, this is it. You need to take a massive stern stand right now. I’d pack a bag and go stay somewhere, you need to make it 1000% this shit won’t fly or before long you’ll be drowning.

[Shoxfordian]

He sounds like a jealous controlling shitbag

[Coyoacan]

One thing for sure, OP, jealousy is not love. If you don't leave him now you will be leaving him a few wasted years later. Meanwhile you will not have advanced in your work and you will have no friends, because eventually these jealous men become jealous of your friends.

I'm so sorry

[Arnoldthecat]

YANBU..this is ridiculous. Clearly you are easily swayed ,the guy is using subterfuge of networking to eventually getting around to bedding you and you of course will succumb to his charms. After all,he is more handsome,more interesting,more alluring and potentially a better lover than your husband.

Anything could happen. Its all about trust . He needs to have a long hard think and come and explain himself to you !