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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend

68 replies

Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 13:52

My Dd has a DP of 18 months, and we got card, and cake, but no present?

DD, DP is upset but we just feel we shouldn’t have to buy a present! At Christmas DD, DP got a present?

Don’t understand why it such a big deal?

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/03/2019 13:53

I’m confused

Numptysod · 08/03/2019 13:54

Boyfriend didn’t get birthday present now his upset? I assume this is correct?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 08/03/2019 13:54

eh ?

TinselAndKnickers · 08/03/2019 13:54

So you got him a cake and a card and your daughter is upset you didn't get her boyfriend a present?

But you got him one at Christmas.

It's not a big deal but I think if Christmas presents are given then it's sort of expected you will give a birthday present too, especially as he has been with her for 18 months. Having said this, he has got a cake aswell.

Praying I got the right end of the stick here?!Grin

HollowTalk · 08/03/2019 13:56

You bought your daughter's boyfriend a card and a cake, but no present?

What was your reasoning behind this? They've been together quite a while - why wouldn't you buy him a present?

thefirst48 · 08/03/2019 14:02

I'm glad somebody managed to decode the original post lol. If you buy a present at Christmas I would buy one for his birthday too.

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 14:03

We hardly know him, only met him 3/4 times.....

Suppose we would normally do meal out for birthdays rather than presents, but suppose this isn’t normal with DD boyfriend?

We got him cake I thought that would suffice?

OP posts:
happymummy12345 · 08/03/2019 14:05

Your post is a bit confusing. I don't see why you wouldn't get him a present. To me that's the normal thing to do.

Numptysod · 08/03/2019 14:06

I would get Dd boyfriend a present as well, 18 months is quite a while tbh. I do feel for Dd it like you don’t value their relationship.

You can have cake anytime.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/03/2019 14:10

Why have you only met him 3/4 times in 18 months?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/03/2019 14:10

If you don’t know him particularly then it’s not weird, but in that case why did you get him a Christmas present?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 08/03/2019 14:10

Buying someone a birthday cake, but saying you don't know them well enough to buy a gift, is odd. Surely a bottle of wine or some chocolates/sweets would've been fine and skip the cake. getting a gift at Christmas set a precedent that you would. Also your DD has been with him 18 months you might have to accept him at this point.

Tink88 · 08/03/2019 14:11

Yabu. How mean.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 08/03/2019 14:11

Given you've only met him a few times, I assume you're not close to your DD, another reason to err on the side of caution and politeness

HollowTalk · 08/03/2019 14:12

Does he live near you? Does your daughter live at home?

Kolo · 08/03/2019 14:12

I don’t get a birthday present from my MIL despite 12 years of marriage and 2 grandchildren. Apparently she only buys for ‘close family’ Hmm.

I’d buy him a present. He clearly means a lot to your DD.

Whatisthisfuckery · 08/03/2019 14:16

Why would you buy a perishable cake, which he might not want or like, or he may have already been made or given one by his own family. Wouldn’t an Amazon voucher have been better?

I will caveat this by disclosing that I hate it when people give me unexpected cake, it makes me irrationally annoyed. It normally ends up wasted.

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 14:23

DD isn’t bothered and is happy with it, it’s boyfriend who is upset about it all, but talking to DD.

It down to the boyfriend why we not met him much, always been invited to events. He doesn’t do family is what I’ve been told by DD.

I haven’t ever gone in to detail regarding meeting him. We accept him as he comes. But DD is a training to be a doctor so they hardly get any quality time, which is ok but I hardly seen much of my DD since this relationship tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 14:24

DD lives 20 minute drive away. And studies medicine at local university.

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 08/03/2019 14:24

He sounds like an arsehole. Next time go to the pound shop and get a milk tray and that will do!

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 14:26

Sorry to drip feed.

He lives 30 minute drive away, and works shifts. Every weekend nights and week day days?

OP posts:
ImNotTheDramaLlamaHere · 08/03/2019 14:27

How old are they?
He sounds rather proprietary.

Leeds2 · 08/03/2019 14:28

I think you are being perfectly reasonable. If he doesn't "do family" why would he expect to receive a present from them? Particularly when you have barely met him.

NunoGoncalves · 08/03/2019 14:28

Sounds like a dick. Next time don't bother with the card/cake.

Crinkle77 · 08/03/2019 14:29

I don't think you're in the wrong. You've only met him 3/4 times cos he doesn't do family stuff even though he has been invited but then expects a present. He's a cf.