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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD boyfriend

68 replies

Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 13:52

My Dd has a DP of 18 months, and we got card, and cake, but no present?

DD, DP is upset but we just feel we shouldn’t have to buy a present! At Christmas DD, DP got a present?

Don’t understand why it such a big deal?

OP posts:

LifeofClimb · 08/03/2019 15:26

What a manchild.
What did you do for his birthday last year? Did you do cake and card then? Had you even met him at that point?

It actually reads like he may be the type to try and turn your daughter away from your family - be very careful.

PlatypusPie · 08/03/2019 15:27

We like our DD's partners very much. I buy them cards on their birthdays and a small present at Xmas when there was a general exchange of gifts. I wouldn't expect them to buy me a birthday present or cards - my DDs buy us personal birthday gifts and gifts as we do them. Xmas gifts from us tend to be a general joint one ie gift voucher for nice restaurant that is sort of a gift for them as a couple plus something personal for the DD. Both men have brought flowers and wine when coming for more formal family dinners. I think they would both find it a bit odd if I bought them birthday presents - or cakes.

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2019 15:38

Oh she's got herself one of them has she? Thr good old fashioned grabby manchild.

I hope she recognises this for the red flag it is. Doesn't do family but a card and a cake isn't good enough for him, you need to spend more more more.

Right now she should be giving him the side eye.

Bambamber · 08/03/2019 15:48

Oh for goodness sake, grown adults kicking up a stink about not getting a birthday present is a bit sad and entitled really. Nothing wrong with a card and a cake. Next year don't bother at all

ErickBroch · 08/03/2019 15:48

This is weird, my family just get my boyfriend a pack of beers usually on his birthday (which he likes). TBH he should be happy with just a card, I don't expect gifts from my bf's family.

SilverySurfer · 08/03/2019 15:52

'Doesn't do family' but expects birthday presents from family. I would tell him to grow the fuck up.

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 08/03/2019 16:07

Suppose we set precedents at Christmas and boyfriend family do buy DD presents! Tbh least he got guts to say something, think saying he doesn’t do family prob my bad!

He does have anxiety! Maybe he worried we won’t like him, as DD said maybe he feels inferior to us as a family as he doesn’t have it! So feels insecure, DD tbh has been amazing with this, and really likes him, we just have to see how it pans out!!

OP posts:

Halloumimuffin · 08/03/2019 16:32

My MIL gets me a present at Xmas but not on my birthday. I didn't think that was particularly odd.

Itstimeslikethese · 08/03/2019 17:05

I had a ex who I was with 3 years & his parents never got me a present not even at Xmas & I saw them regularly like about 3 times a week roughly. I didn't think much of it but looking back now they were a bit tight giving & I never gave them anything either though so guess works both ways. Does he buy for you ? If he does it's nice to give him something in return

HollowTalk · 08/03/2019 20:05

I would say to my daughter that she should listen to what he's telling her. He doesn't like family. She's not seen much of you since she started to go out with him. Where does she think this will end?

Do you have someone to compare to, where the partner has integrated into the family?

I'd also say that a 23 year old student is at a very, very different stage to a 30 year old and that she shouldn't take anything too seriously at this age.

poglets · 08/03/2019 20:17

I know I have totally missed the point, but why does your daughter at 23, with the world at her feet and studying to be a doctor, want to involve herself with a 30 year old bloke who sounds difficult?

MakeItAmazing · 08/03/2019 20:23

It's not having guts to moan at you girlfriend that her family only gave you a cake and how convenient that he has anxiety.…

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/03/2019 20:25

You’re tight.

poglets · 08/03/2019 20:25

And I also think he sounds disrespectful. Red flags for me. Don't lose touch with your daughter.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/03/2019 20:51

Seriously dd's boyfriend got in a strop because you didn't get him a present and people are saying yabu, I've read it all now. What a twat honestly is he like 5? I think a card and cake would suffice tbh you don't have to vuy him.anything he's just dd's boyfriend who you barely know. Baffling frankly.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/03/2019 20:55

While I think I probably would have got him a small present, I think it beyond weird that he has mentioned it to you.

Dmil buys presents for dp and the dc but never me which I do find slightly rude, but I'd never be so bad mannered as to bring it up.

Bloodybridget · 08/03/2019 21:02

My DP's DDs are both in their 40s and we don't always give their partners birthday presents.

HollowTalk · 08/03/2019 21:45

OP, I would make a huge effort to see more of your daughter. The more he isolates her from you, the harder it will be for everyone.

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