Won't consider dating someone with kids- friend offended

[Tarr]

I had my friend over last night for a curry and some wine. At one point in the evening, my love life became the topic of conversation- I just came out of a 5-year relationship at the beginning of the year. I was telling my friend about a guy at work who had asked me out to dinner but I declined despite finding him attracive. I didn't say why to begin with but my friend pressed me and I mentioned how I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I did say it very diplomatically (i.e I just want something simple right now after a messy break up). Friend is a very successful single mum.

I'm not sure if my friend was having a bad day but she called me a bitch and judgmental! Obviously, I apologised straight away and tried to explain why I said it but she wasn't listening. She pretty much stormed off and isn't responding to any of grovelling messages.

I feel terrible but also a bit hurt that my friend dismissed what I was saying. Despite what my friend said in no way do I consider myself superior to single mums.

Just to note I'm in my late 20s and see no reason why I can't be picky when choosing my future partner. Please tell me if I was being unreasonable? My friend is not normally this sensitive.

I wouldn't date someone with kids. Married with kids now. And if anything happened I have no interest in parenting someone else's kids too.

And your age you should look for someone who doesn't have that responsibility already and you can have that responsibility together if that's what you want. But if you meet someone with kids and are happy with that then go for it. Ofcourse you are allowed to be picky!!

I am a stepmum and have 2 kids with my husband.

I wouldn't choose to be a stepmum again. I wouldn't want to change my children iykwim, but I would advise 23 year old me to make a different choice (run for the hills). You are completely within your rights (and sensible) to think that.

She's overreacted because it's reminded her that potential boyfriends may think that about her. Still not wrong.

Stop apologizing. Any one would call you a bitch is not your friend. You have the right to date who you want to. I have a ds with sn and I suspect many wouldn't date me if I was single and I would not blame them one bit!

I would never date a man with children. The ex is still in the frame and also as a childless woman why would I want to bring up somebody else's children?

If you date someone with kids you basically always have to deal with their ex (probably) so a lot of people would feel the same. And that's not even taking into account the step-parenting issue. I don't understand why your friend is offended, it's nothing to do with her who you choose to date. Tbh most people I know wouldn't want to date someone with kids and it's best to be honest about it from the start.

Ridiculous reaction by your friend. It’s up to each person to know what they want and don’t want in a relationship

Yanbu. It’s not for your friend to decide what your dating criteria is.

Leave her to stew, if she’s a friend she will come round, if she doesn’t, you’re better off without her.

YANBU.

I used to think the same. I went on a date once with someone i'd been chatting to for a while and really liked and discovered on the date that he had a four year old - there wasn't a second date! I had no interest in someone already with the ties of dc.

Now I have three dc I think the complete opposite - I've had my children. If dh and I split up i'd only date a man WITH dc. I wouldn't want to risk spending years with someone who suddenly had an overwhelming urge to have a child of their own.

You deserve better friends!

Oh, please! It's your business whom you chose to date and you are allowed to have any boundary you'd like, any. I wouldn't date anyone with kids when I was single and childfree and if someone was offended, tough shit.

STOP apologising to her. She called you a bitch. WTAF?

There's no excuse for visiting her silly insecurities on your in such a fashion.