to not go to hospital as I'm worried social services will get involved?

[teggart]

I feel so stupid writing this as I am in such a thing haze at the moment. NCd as don't want anyone to recognise me. My ex partner was really cruel to me. I've been told it was EA. I believe it was. If I told you you'd wonder why I stayed so long.

I'm stressed to the point that I keep having panic attacks and can't breathe. I have chest pain and feel sick. I'm anxious and can't cope anymore. I have a small son, and I am not struggling to look after him. This stress whilst affecting my health, has no affect on my ability as a mother.

I nearly went to walk-in/hospital today after I had my 3rd panic attack in 4 days. My ex is constantly texting. He wants updates all the time about our son. I'm so anxious and he's continuing his controlling abusive behaviour.

If I end up in hospital or medicated due to stress, will that go against me? Will people think I can't look after my baby?

I'm falling apart.

Isn’t it ridiculous when people are so afraid of SS’s incompetence that they don’t dare seek medical attention for themselves and their kids. I’m terrified that if I seek help for depression etc, SS will stick their noses in and try to remove my child, or at least cause a whole load of hassle. And I’m worried that a formal diagnosis would go against me in a custody hearing if DH and I separate, so I don’t want it on my record. I totally understand how you feel OP. You do need support though, and need to put some boundaries in place with your ex. Can you mute the text conversation and tell him you won’t be replying except to arrange contact?

You've had loads of advice on your other thread. You need to ignore him, he can 'want' as much as he does it doesn't mean you need to respond. Ignore his constant badgering,

You need to ignore what the solicitor said. Were they male? Or a woman, who has no idea? You are 15 weeks postpartum with an EBF baby.

Go and see the GP as a temporary patient today. It’s an emergency. Then get the GP either now or when you are properly registered to write some kind of letter confirming you are not well enough to make that journey.

If you can’t see a gp today, get an out of hours appointment.

‘Contact’ is for the benefit of the child not the parent. 15week olds don’t need daily contact. It is very hard (been there) but you need to set boundaries now so that you can cope longterm. Otherwise he will keep on controlling you through your child. Learning to not react to my exh nonsense about our kids was one of the best life lessons I ever learned and stood in me in good stead over the years of his drama. Take the power back- it will really help with panic attacks etc. Find whatever works for you and stick with it and stop facilating him- it’s up to him to make the effort not you. Offer him reasonable weekend access at this stage were he makes the effort to see his child and nothing else. He doesn’t get to call the shots and you aren’t there to make the contact happen- that’s up to him as a grown adult.
Hugs.. draw a line now and it will stand you in good stead. It’s hard but once you stop letting them affect you it gets easier. The first time I told exh to only contact me regarding contact arrangements through my solicitor I was quaking in my boots but the second/third time it was obvious he knew he had lost his power over me and trust me that feels good.

@Mummyoflittledragon ignore what they said? Which bit? I thought the solicitor gave good advice.

How are you feeling today OP?

I'm worried I won't be believed during my MIAM. I'm worried it will end up in court and I will go broke and they won't believe I have been abused.

People in the legal industry are smart people and abusive men are ten a penny - they'll smell the real him a mile off. And every abusive man thinks they're the cleverest thing going and can outsmart and charm a judge, and they get a short sharp shock when they're arse is handed to them.

Hey OP just a quick message from another point of view...Social Services are not the enemy...they are there to help.It might,if you think about it be of benefit to you to ask for their help.They are not there to judge you but they might be able to come to a reasonable solution in how to deal with your ex.You need to let go of him and stop considering his needs.He is so unimportant right now,You and your baby are and your baby needs mum in tip top form.I think if contact could be arranged in a controlled contact center then you would know exactly when and where you would have to see ex and also know that you will be protected from any further abuse be it mental or physical.This would be good cos it would allow you to plan the rest of your time without dealing with ex.So say you had a meeting at contact center for 2 hrs on a saturday then thats it ,,no further contact is appropriate so you can get on with enjoying your new freedom and enjoying your new baby,,,,My advice is let the professionals help you...thats what they are there for.You will be so much better with official firm boundaries in place...there is no argument then and ex has to suck it up whilst you move on to have the best life free from all aggro possible.Its not admitting defeat its far from it ...its protecting you and your baby...it can only be a good thing in my view.Best wishes sent

teggart
About taking it in turns to do the drive. Not anything else.

Teggert so sorry you are going through this bullsh. It’s so hard having a young baby, never mind with all this hassle. Do you have any family members abroad? If so I would be on a plane to stay for a few weeks to get support and not have to worry about the useless piece of sh rocking up at your house. Take care, I really feel for you. You so don’t need this!