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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have hoped my disciples would have saved me before now?!

88 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 21:25

I am alive!

I've been on a dark and dangerous journey. I've seen things i hoped never to see again.

A strange woman called Pauline made me hoover and remove my slanket.

She said I had to go on a diet, put heated rollers in my hair and look for a 3rd husband. Why?

Why didn't you save me from Pauline - messenger of MN.

OP posts:
ProjectGainsborough · 07/03/2019 21:46

Actually fuck off, I want the Biscuit

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 21:48

Ok Dangly lead me by your stick on willy to chat, my eyes are weak

OP posts:
CarolinePooter · 07/03/2019 21:48

Don't worry, we will guide you home. You must not stay in this hell hole a minute longer. Pauline has drugged you with heated rollers, like Snow White and the poisoned apple, and you have been in a coma. Her snax were low calory so you have lost two stone since she abducted you. She will pay for this. Stay strong.

thislidofullofdeadfish · 07/03/2019 21:49

Get onto the slanket stretcher

DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 21:50

Hold my willy firmly thigh let it be your guide, I will take you back to Thighland ...

thislidofullofdeadfish · 07/03/2019 21:50

Mind my stick on eyes with your groping

CarolinePooter · 07/03/2019 21:52

And don't look back, or you will be turned into a pillar of salt n vinegar snax.

SmallFastPenguin · 07/03/2019 21:52

Thigh please confirm it is really you and not Pauline in disguise by solving this real problem I have. Since my dh is getting made redundant and will be earning less I have applied for a second job which I don't really want as it will eat into my nap time. Now dh complains it also means I won't be able to walk the dog and cook dinner at my usual time. Should I go ahead with my application?

DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 21:52

Here we are thigh keep holding my willy ...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3527145-Thigh-Where-is-thigh?pg=3

M3lon · 07/03/2019 22:03

This is like Rochester's leg all over again.

ideasofmarch · 07/03/2019 22:15

What in the name of all that is holy are you all on about?

ProjectGainsborough · 07/03/2019 22:19

It’s very hard to explain ideas but do come and say hi in chat!

ideasofmarch · 07/03/2019 22:41

Right you are. Shall I bring crampons or will custard creams do?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 22:46

Is that Mr Rochester's leg? I thought it was his hand that got burned?

OP posts:
MysticReg · 07/03/2019 22:47

Thigh my stick on willy has fallen off. AIBU to murder everyone and feed them to the pigs? They are very hungry.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 23:02

Reginald we have an endless supply of stick on willies and i have the pritt stick. I wondered where our pig collection had got to.

OP posts:
Troels · 07/03/2019 23:19

Quit picking on Pauline. I am totally not a beyatch, plase don't drop me in the pig pen.
Vacuuming is good. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

nakedscientist · 07/03/2019 23:21

Thigh, oh most venerable one, you are saved. all hail

But are you changed? Do you feel willing to be d.e.r.a.d.i.c.a.i.s.e.d? ( I had to write it like this coz my iPad kept auto correcting to this "bed enchiladas edit". Quite thigh really,innit?

Can you answer these questions, thigh?
a) does one iron bed sheets?
b) does one wash curtains, for guests?
c) does one put the Hoover round before breakfast, after lunch and last thing before dawn?
D) does one wait in the wash basket all night, and pop some DDT down the loo after nocturnal use?
E) does one go to A&E (gasp).EVER?
F) are you furious about your friend's wedding?
G) Have you started a parking thread ?
H) do you think that anyone tipping the scales over 9st deserves to live a miserable life under their own sink until they can get their joined hands around their wast?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may need to go through a thigh rehab programme.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 23:33

Troels No! Hoovering is bad, get a dog and point it towards any dropped food. No other cleaning may be performed.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 23:36

Naked i answered a resounding NO to all the test questions.

I am no Patty Hearst, more Ulrike Meinhof. We've got a sum for you to do in chat re Schrodingers willy willy not.

OP posts:
HerRoyalFattyness · 07/03/2019 23:39

naked i want bed enchiladas! I am in bed already so now i just need enchiladas

Gettingnowhere · 08/03/2019 06:34

Chook aka SmallFastPenguin saw you posted a dilemma that has been overlooked in all the excitement. I have only just finished recovering from our Pauline trauma, but now my blood is boiling again.
Let me get this straight? Your "husband" is being made redundant. You are getting a "second job" and risk leaving your soul at the mercy of an insane manager. You are sacrificing sacrosanct nap time for HIS benefit and all the whiny little bitch can say is "My dinner won't be cooked on time".
Do you have any idea how this angers me, Penguin?

Gettingnowhere · 08/03/2019 06:37

It's time you took a stand, Penguin. From now on, tell him he can open his OWN pack of Monster Munch

Gettingnowhere · 08/03/2019 06:53

Ideas crampons sound uncomfortable and remind me of periods. Just bring the custard creams