To never buy a house unless I've met the neighbours

[ChangedAgainForAChange]

Saw a house today that I really like and I'm viewing it again on Saturday. It's a little mews house, perfect for one person or a couple but terraced so neighbours on both sides.

I absolutely refuse to put in an offer unless I've met at least one of them. I'm hoping the estate agent fucks off straight after the viewing so I can start knocking on doors and very politely asking "what the area" is like. I just want to try and get a feel for what they are like.

Some people don't even think of the neighbours once they're within their own 4 walls but I'm absolutely petrified I will get shit ones. I've had it before and it ruins your whole life. I just mean blasting stereos or pitbulls and feral kids etc. I would love a Janet and Keith retired and doting grandparents. I would not love a drug addicted mother of 9 who's been on Jeremy Kyle for shagging her mum's boyfriend.

Surely they'd want to know who's moving in next door too? Or am I overthinking it? Yes I do suffer with anxiety...

You sound anxious like me!
Best advice: detached house or live in the outer hebrides.

I’d probably try standoffish and would put a negative spin on any query you might have because I would absolutely not like to live next to a cheeky fucker who thinks she can knock on my door to fucking judge my worthiness. I wouldn’t want to live next door to someone so entitled.

Our neighbours on either side gave shitty first impressions, however one set has managed to scare off someone breaking into our back garden, and the other takes out and brings in our bins if we forget to.

You can’t always tell based on a few days of activity sadly, but I wouldn’t say YABU to give it a try.

@mayflower43 you must have lived where I used to live - especially the neighbour who was making constant complaints about you to the council/police/RSPCA/police - he and his wife were elderly and at first meeting, perfectly amiable, but utter horrors in reality.

I understand being concerned but I'm not sure one needs to ask too much unless one can spot obvious red flags (eg house with lots of crap dumped in its garden on otherwise nice road). The fact is people can move and you can get awful neighbours anyway - I live in an area where generally one can assume you'll be living next to decent people, but that could still change.

No harm in speaking to the neighbours - I mean, if someone is immediately defensive and hostile, that'd be a bad sign, but at the same time, if you have preconceptions, you'll be limiting your option.

Oh god, just imagine if every buyer thought like you? It would make life hell for anyone who's neighbour was selling their house - I'd be very unimpressed if I started getting multiple randoms banging on my door to demand I let myself be vetted just so they could move onto my street.

I think you're being quite rude and intrusive actually.

@echobelly literally this "Hello I really am so sorry to bother you. I'm thinking of buying the house next door and really just wanted to ask what the street is like as I'm not from around here?"

I’d definitely do late night drive bys - I live on the quietest loveliest street imaginable and one of my neighbours, professional types with an immaculate house, love all night parties, 4am street fights and basically waking up the whole street. You’d never guess!

Nice retired Janet and Keith might be deaf and have their TV on full blast, like my Dad used to - luckily he was in a detached bungalow, but you could hear it as you came up the drive, so I can imagine what it would have been like the other side of a party wall.

I would knock next door then there next door neighbours to them, even doors opposite and ask what the neighbours are like. I did that before buying ours. I would hate to move into somewhere i ended up hating because of the neighbours. It happened to my dad. He ended up selling.

I agree you can’t always tell whether a neighbour is going to be good or not by a quick chat, most people can come across really well in a brief exchange but it’s no guarantee of what they’re really like to live next to.

Is there a way of seeing which of the surrounding properties are privately owned, privately rented or rented via the council/housing association? I previously lived in a housing association property mixed into a new estate of mainly private housing. All the problematic neighbours were unfortunately in the other housing association properties and it made me wary of buying a house surrounded by them in the future.

I think you can also look at crime maps online that tells you the number of reported crimes each month on a street and their nature. You can quickly notice patterns in certain streets having higher than normal anti-social behaviour etc

Having a look at night-time, including weekends, is a good idea to see what it’s like after dark. Also, does the town have a Facebook group for residents? I live in a small town which has a private FB group practically the whole population is a member of. If you type a street name into the search bar for this FB group it comes up with previous conversations/posts which have it mentioned, and can actually give you a good more honest idea of what certain roads are like.

changed And my reply would be “sorry, but I’m not going to give you any information and you have disturbed me. Maybe speak to the estate agents”

Some people won’t mind, some will. I’m neighbourly but I’m not ingested in getting involved in my neighbours house sale.

What if I said something that scuppered a sale?

If the neighbours can’t be arsed to give you 5 mins, OP, then don’t buy. All these people on here saying they wouldn’t talk to you would red flag to me as potential assholes - who the hell doesn’t want to know someone new who might move in? It goes both ways, you may be aweful!

Seriously, MN is full of shit sometimes. Check, and look for disputes and newspaper reports - from the odd answer above I’d be more nervous not less!

YABU

You can’t possibly know from A brief doorstep meeting whether someone will be a good neighbour or a shit one. Plus they could move out a month after you move in and be replaced by anyone.

I’m not sure I’d entertain you asking me questions if you were considering moving in next door either! I’m not an estate agent, it’s not my job to reassure you about the area or the neighbours!

But there is nothing I can do about who buys my neighbours house. My neighbour isn’t going to sell to someone just because I don’t like the look of them.

Not sell, I mean

Also giving out information about neighbours to a total stranger is risky. You could be trying to work out which houses are best to break into!

I would not love a drug addicted mother of 9 who's been on Jeremy Kyle for shagging her mum's boyfriend.

We have a show just like that in the US called the Jerry Springer show! They interview people who talk about all of the horrid things that they've done to each other.

The Jerry Springer Show

I wonder which show came first. Ours was started in 1991 and remains on the air.

I wonder

How am I twat? Because I won’t give a stranger information on my doorstep?

Apart from saying “oooh it’s a nice area” what more do you want me to tell you?

Actually I take it back. If you Knocked the door I would answer. I'll tell you the areas horrid and full of noise/ feral kids etc. You won't know I am lying. You don't move in. I never see you again. Potential problem neighbor averted for me.

I would knock on the next door too op.

Mn is batshit. Everyone wants to live next door to a feral family with chaotic lives.

Except people who actually live next door to feral families.

do you have kids? If so a good excuse to knock could be on that basis, e.g. have heard X school is nice, do many kids on this road go there / is this road in the catchment? That way you can find out if they have kids, if there are kids on the road, and if they’re likely to be at same school at DC!

I’m wondering where all these MNetters love you wouldn’t give a potential neighbour the time of day. I’m in London and know most of the people on my road, despite London supposedly being unfriendly! Whenever a house is up for sale everyone is extremely interested in who may be moving in!

coco So you would honestly give a complete stranger information about your children just because they came to the door and asked?

I am cautious. I wouldn’t give a stagger any information that they couldn’t get from the internet, the house seller or the estate agent.