AIBU to be upset that DP won't support me at my Gran's funeral

[Tombraidingmum]

My Gran died 2 weeks ago. She was 92 and it wasn't unexpected but I was incredibly close to her and I'm completely heartbroken.

It's her funeral on Wednesday. I have 2 children and I don't really want them at the service as I feel it's a very emotional time and I don't want to put pressure on them. I also want to be able to cry and grieve without worrying about them seeing me distressed.

DS1 will be in school but I don't have child care for DS2 who is 4 years old.

DP offered on Tuesday to take some time off work, he'd only need to be there for about 30 minutes, just to take DS2 for a walk while I go to the service.

Today I've texted DP asking if he's managed to take time off and he's replied with "bugger I completely forgot. I can't as I've got meetings next week. Sorry"

I've been with him for 18 months, we don't live together yet. He didn't know my Gran well so I wasn't expecting him to come to the funeral as such but am very hurt that he can't take time off to support me and that he also forgot to ask!

He's been working on a big project at work that's been going on for the last 6 months and has put a huge amount of pressure on our relationship. Work has come before everything. My birthday, Christmas etc. I've been understanding and patient but am beginning to get tired of not feeling like I'm a priority in his life and my needs coming second to his job all the time.

He's now texting me asking me if I'm mad at him and can't bring myself to reply. Maybe I'm being unreasonable but I just feel to not support your girlfriend at her Gran's funeral isn't really acceptable.

Or maybe I'm just being horrible

I wouldn’t take your child to the funeral, if possible. I was 7 when we had to bury my 4 year old brother. I was utterly devastated and I cry every time I think about it, nearly 30 years on. It really affected me and I really, really wish I hadn’t gone. I can’t even bring myself to go back to his grave.

He took a week off to redecorate his flat for example

Hmm. This is the bit that highlights his ability to organise things that are important to him, but not to you. It's not just been this either as the birthday and Christmas incidents show.

I would be stepping back a bit from the relationship on the basis that you can't rely on him to prioritise you at crunch moments. That doesn't mean breaking up at this point but some serious evaluation is in order.

Finally, you mention feeling 'irrational' - that may be so in relation to your bereavement But there's nothing irrational in my book about being disappointed and upset that someone close to you has let you down. On the contrary, I think it's a very rational response and you shouldn't suppress it.

He treats you like I'd treat someone who isn't important to me