Talk

Flip

AIBU?

Teenagers

8 replies

dinkytraybake · 06/03/2019 22:36

AIBU to take away DS's internet?

My almost 17 DS has quit college and spends all of his time shut in his bedroom on the internet watching videos or playing games. It has got to the stage where he is sleeping most of the day and staying up all night. He and is unwilling to even look for a job. He seems so unhappy and seems to have lost touch with his school friends, but I just can't seem to reach him. Today I took his internet access away but my DP thinks I'm being out of order (he spends a lot of his free time online!) Please help a desperate Mum!!!

OP posts:

Report

yearinyearout · 06/03/2019 22:37

Yanbu, I would do exactly the same. Your DH needs to be on the same page when it comes to dealing with your DS.

Report

dinkytraybake · 06/03/2019 22:48

Thank you yearinyearout, I said that to him and he just said "well I don't know what to do, but I think it's the wrong approach"

OP posts:

Report

thundercats192 · 06/03/2019 23:04

YABU. Your teenager sounds depressed - don't make him feel worse by being punitive and taking away one thing he does get enjoyment from. Talk to him, offer support, try to get him some professional help - appt with the GP.

Report

snoozetastic · 06/03/2019 23:28

I would go gently as prob will get defensive and clam up more.

Is he socialising on it or just gaming?

Needs a balance of activity, pleasure, daylight (!) self care etc otherwise if not depressed might be at risk of it. Internet use could then be part of his plan.

I'd prob start by understanding why he quit college. Sounds like he's got his head in the sand. Was he anxious?

Agree GP good idea (if he will go)

Report

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 07/03/2019 00:01

I thought at that age ch still had to be in some form of education, is that not correct?

I agree with PPs that he sounds depressed and talking to him/understanding would be helpful for you both (and ditto the GP appointment if possible).

But I think the computer may be something he's hiding behind and using as an excuse to keep the outside world at bay. So not in a punitive way, but I would (with discussion with him) agree to limit it, so that he can't just spend all day every day in his bedroom. Some exercise would be good for him and if he can't/won't find a job, then some time doing stuff around the house and interacting with other family members.

His sleep pattern's all wrong as well, so that it all becomes a vicious circle, and I think that needs to change.

Good luck.

Report

Parly · 07/03/2019 01:49

@dinkytraybake

My son was home-schooled from leaving primary until going to college and although fine now, he was so isolated and depressed. If he has any worries or stress he does the same thing as ours which is barricade, login and play games because it offers an escape.

I'd try getting him to open some lines of communication he could be depressed and struggling to just start talking.

Would reinstate his internet and ask him what's going on and why but explain you only want to help with whatever is going on at the min.

Report

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/03/2019 01:55

I second considering depression OP. I'd let him use the wifi during the day for a set time and turn off overnight and in between , those sleep patterns aren't going to help anything he has going on.

Why has he quit college? It sounds like something relating to that is the catalyst for this. I would try to reach him gently but let him know this isn't sustainable, if he needs help he can have it but otherwise he needs to communicate a plan to work or one to return to education. Ultimately the longer this goes on the harder it will be to get back from.