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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset about needing to wear glasses!

81 replies

DamnItJanett · 06/03/2019 16:09

Okay first world problem I know...

I went for an eye test recently and was told I need glasses. Which is fine, nothing wrong with that plenty of people do of course!

I'm not the type to care overly about how I look especially so it's not a vanity thing but I've shocked myself with how upset I am about this.

It's more because I just can't find any that I think look okay on me and it's frustrating. Every single pair I try on look ridiculous on me. DP says they look fine but I just feel so horrible about myself in them that I end up not wearing them.

I have lots of friends who wear them and they all look fab. Some of them I can't even picture them without them.

I feel really silly getting so upset about this but I just feel incredibly uncomfortable in them and just can't find the right shape or style for me at all.

I really need to start wearing them but I can't bring myself to.

Did anyone else have an uncomfortable/difficult transition stage having to start wearing glasses in adulthood? I look like a different person and I hate it.

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 06/03/2019 17:06

I wear glasses since I was a pre-teen, cannot wear contacts and while sometimes glasses are annoying they are part of me.

I had such a bad prescription that my choice of glasses is very limited.

I found the best was to go to as many shops as possible and take also lots of selfies. Then I can go home and see with a bit of reflection what works well. I think there is also an app where you upload a photo of you and you can stick frame styles on to see what frame suits your face. That gives you an idea.

Another trick, wear something you feel good in, do make up if you normally wear it and wear the hair in a style you often have. Different frames work with open hair or tied back. You feel a lot more comfortable instead of looking at your reflection and thinking about the old jumper you wear or that spot on your chin.

ParmaViolet44 · 06/03/2019 17:06

I wear contacts and have just discovered that I need reading glasses as well! That was a real kick in the teeth!

Daily disposables are fab if you fancy trying contact lenses. Once you've got your prescription you can get them online delivered to your house.

Original poster
DamnItJanett · 06/03/2019 17:25

Thanks all. I think it's just such a shock to see yourself looking so different!

OP posts:
IdaBWells · 06/03/2019 18:55

Parma because I am 50 that is me as well the past few years. It’s fairly typical to need reading glasses as you age. I just buy cheap ready made ones from various places in different colour for fun. My new prescription glasses will be a blend so that will be interesting! I feel officially old Grin.

sighrollseyes · 06/03/2019 18:56

Laser surgery or contact lenses....

Doyouneedthetoilet · 06/03/2019 21:58

I have worn glasses since I was 2 years old and I don't feel like myself when I'm not wearing them. It's probably because you just have to get used to it.

Chloemol · 06/03/2019 23:36

I have worn them for years, long sighted in one eye short sighted in the other so no choice. You get used to them and there are so many to choose from. Just get on with it

Oakenbeach · 06/03/2019 23:42

YABU

You’re an adult who needs to wear glasses... like many millions of others. You haven’t had some disfiguring accident ffs. Woman up and stop the self-pity.

buttermilkwaffles · 07/03/2019 01:46

I have worn glasses since my early twenties, was a bit self-conscious about wearing them at first, but that soon went.

Choosing frames that suit is the part I hate, although to be fair, most (but not all!) opticians have been quite helpful in giving advice and picking out some suitable suggestions. The one or two who didn't I just went elsewhere to buy frames, as I felt a bit frustrated standing there trying to pick one when they were not being particularly helpful. So if you don't get good advice from the opticians who did your sight test or don't like any of the frames they have, just go elsewhere to buy the glasses.

Topseyt · 07/03/2019 02:27

You need to get over this, I'm afraid. I would be willing to bet that you look great in your glasses.

Just think of the huge difference they make to your vision daily, and how much less strain your eyes are under when wearing them.

If you continue refusing to wear them then you could well damage your own eyesight further, which won't help things.

I have worn glasses since I was two or three. I am nearly 53 now. As a child at school I sometimes got a little bit self conscious for a short while whenever I needed new ones, but I had no option. As an adult I really couldn't care less.

When I was a student I tried contacts for just over a year but simply couldn't get on with them and realised that they weren't for me.

There is so much more choice of frame style now than when I was growing up in the seventies and early eighties. We are much luckier now.

I get that you haven't had to get used to this until now, so it might be a bit of a mental hurdle, but you have to bite the bullet. Very few people get away without needing glasses as they get older.

Some people are suggesting laser eye surgery. Not everyone is suitable for it. You can have to pay privately and it is very expensive. In some cases it isn't even a permanent solution and can need repeated.

whywhywhy6 · 07/03/2019 02:29

Another vote for contacts. You’re just not used to glasses but that may change in the future.

Nat6999 · 07/03/2019 02:36

Get extended wear contact lenses, I use them & only remove them 1 night a week, the rest of the time I can sleep in them. I have glasses for the times I can't be bothered with my lenses, sometimes I might wear glasses for a few days & others I wear my lenses. I wear lenses more in summer as I wear sunglasses a lot & it saves messing if I'm out & go in a shop, I can just put my sunglasses on my head, I can shower in them, just keep my eyes tight shut while washing my hair & be careful not to get water in my eyes. My lenses cost me £15 a month from Specsavers.

ZebraOwl · 07/03/2019 02:53

YABABU OP because as a PP has said, all the best people wear glasses & you seem insufficiently delighted by this. It is a big change though. However, if you are shy, think of them as a form of face furniture to hide behind... plus of course we don’t ever see ourselves how other people see us. And it is a big adjustment. You’ll be grand.

@Foxyloxy1plus1 - it might be that you’d be better with the teen range of glasses? My face/head is too small for adult glasses (& the current chunky frame thing is a nightmare, because I don’t want to look like half my face is my glasses...) & the teen ones actually fit (once adjusted in a little bit... at least I don’t look all lollipop-headed when underweight I suppose Grin )

Sulla · 07/03/2019 03:37

Laser surgery. Best money I ever spent.

Butteredghost · 07/03/2019 04:33

I feel you OP. I've been wearing glasses for ten years and I hate them. They feel uncomfortable, they look OK but look nicer without, you are blind while swimming, always problems like getting drops on them in the rain, fogging up in the kitchen, dirty lenses, etc.

I'm not brave enough to touch myself in the eye to wear contacts.

Ah well. At least we have glasses Smile

TomorrowIsFree · 07/03/2019 04:39

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lljkk · 07/03/2019 05:58

ha!
DH is currently fighting his need to do this. At least for reading.

My parents needed specs from their early 20s. So I am chuffed 2 mega-bits I got to my mid-40s before I needed reading glasses. It's a nuisance, but fantastic too.

How bad is your distance vision, OP? Can you walk around the house fine, do you just need driving glasses?

Happynow001 · 07/03/2019 05:58

Hi OP. Agree with the PPs about contact lenses. Also regarding rimless glasses (I think it's because you can see the frames in your peripheral vision that makes it feel weird.

Also rimless with light titanium frames and plastic lenses are very much lighter than standard frames). You should aim to have glasses as a backup to contacts if you can in case you ever get eye discomfort or infection and just to give your eyes a rest.

If you do get glasses try and get the different options eg light reactive so they darken in sunlight, extra thin lens, anti glare, coatings for anti-scratch, and using with computer/mobile phone screens.

I usually wait to buy my glasses when there are promotions eg get a second pair for free or half price so eg the second pair could be swimming goggles (I'm very short sighted). Good luck!

Original poster
DamnItJanett · 07/03/2019 06:39

lljkk it's not awful. I can walk around the house fine. They are mainly for driving and in work because I get headaches being on a computer all day and sometimes for watching TV in the evening.

Those of you saying I need to just get on with it, woman up Etc. Etc. I 100% agree with you which is why I said I shocked myself with how I'm reacting. It's just so off putting whenever I catch myself in a mirror I just think oh God!!!!

OP posts:
lljkk · 07/03/2019 08:29

It's expensive... but I find you need to try different styles to figure out what suits you. I found it bewildering, but got there in end. Luckily I can use cheap readers a lot of the time.

cherryblossomgin · 07/03/2019 08:39

I was there as well, I got my first pair at 18 and I hated wearing them. Every pair made me look weird. I was self conscious about wearing them on public. It took me a while to wear them all the time. I started to love my glasses when I found a pair that l loved and started to buy different styles and try unique styles. I use them as statement pieces. Now I don't feel like me without them. I'm 30 now. My mum hated her glasses too and switched to contacts, but she needed thick lenses and this was before they could thin them. Contacts are an option and you can get a trial at spec savers.

DinoGreen · 07/03/2019 08:49

I felt exactly the same as you - I got them at about 25. Didn’t wear them for ages except for driving. Thought I wouldn’t manage contacts as I was really squeamish about putting things in my eyes.

Eventually my friend convinced me to try contacts and it took me a couple of lessons at spec savers but I did get there and woop, suddenly I could see properly again! Funnily enough I do actually wear my glasses more now, after several years of near constant wearing of contacts they aren’t very good for your eyes so I now try to have 2 days a week without them when I wear my glasses. No one has ever commented on them except to say they like the frames! I like red or dead glasses.

AliceAforethought · 07/03/2019 08:56

I love glasses! I buy all sorts of colourful ones to go with every outfit. I’m longsighted, so only put them on when reading or looking at something closely. There’s a pair permanently perched on my head, though.

CoolJule43 · 07/03/2019 09:07

YANBU.

I hated having to wear glasses and postponed wearing them for as long as possible.

It doesn't matter what they look like in the optician's, when they have lenses in they look totally different. They do totally change the way you look. If you are short-sighted they make your eyes look beady and if long-sighted they make eyes look bigger (but not in a nice way).

They are also a really annoying. They often don't fit well and dig in either behind the ears or on the nose. They slip up and down in heat and they become steamed up in the rain.

I do actually like spectacles but they just don't suit me. Some people look great in them but sadly I'm not one of them.

Fairylea · 07/03/2019 09:09

I’ve been short sighted since I was 4 and as a consequence my prescription is very high (-9.50 both eyes) and my glasses make my eyes look tiny - even when they are the thinnest lenses. I absolutely hate them! I’ve worn contact lenses since I was 14 (I’m now 38), they are amazing, honestly.

Give contacts a try.

But you’re definitely not alone in hating yourself in glasses!