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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD pocket money for teenager

18 replies

aibutohavethisusername · 05/03/2019 21:47

My DD, 17, has a job at a naice supermarket 10 hours per week.
I still give her money for lunches at college and her dance lessons. Partner thinks I’m giving her too much. Not sure if I’m BU.

OP posts:
londonrach · 05/03/2019 21:50

Is she in full time education?

Original poster
aibutohavethisusername · 05/03/2019 21:54

Yes she is.

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 05/03/2019 21:56

I'd still pay for the dance lessons but surely she can buy her own food if she's working?

HostessTrolley · 05/03/2019 21:59

My d is in the sixth form and has a job. I still pay for her sport and school transport and basic clothes - stuff for school, underwear, everyday shoes. She buys her own makeup/toiletries, fashion type clothes, and she runs her car and funds get social life. Having a job means she can buy ‘extras’ for herself and she’s learning the value of money

O4FS · 05/03/2019 21:59

Can you afford it?

Why does your partner think that?

Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2019 22:07

Can you afford to pay for those things?

I had a job at that age. My mum still did what she could to help but had very little money.

I’d still expect to be subsiding my children until they leave full time education in some way.

Why does your partner get a say? Does he get on with your daughter? Do you live together as a family?

Original poster
aibutohavethisusername · 05/03/2019 22:08

I can afford it but I really screwed up my budgeting this month. I borrowed some money off my partner.

OP posts:
anniehm · 05/03/2019 22:26

I paid for transport, school lunch and extra curricular activities, they pay for things like the cinema, make up and booze

Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2019 22:34

What’s the backstory here? Is there friction between you and your partner regarding money?

HennyPennyHorror · 05/03/2019 22:35

It's normal to pay for their lunches at this age. Her wages are surely for clothes and trips plus some savings.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 05/03/2019 22:37

when my daughter was 17 at college with a p/t job we still chipped in with money for bus money and lunches. Seems a bit mean not to.

goldengummybear · 05/03/2019 22:39

I pay school lunches for my 17yo who works. Would rather he ate than skipped meals.

With regards to the dance, what % of her wages is it? If she's paid £50pw and dance is £30pw then I would pay if I had the money. I'm assuming that she doesn't do other exercise like go to the gym.

O4FS · 05/03/2019 22:42

I don’t think it’s up to your partner to have an opinion on your finances and your DD.

I pay for pretty much everything for my DS (17). To be honest it never occurred to me not to. He has a job now but has yet to do any shifts. When he does the money he earns will be his for going out, clothes, eating out.

I’ll still provide the basics, phone, bit of pocket money as I do now as I still get maintenance/benefits for him. I see that as money to benefit him anyway.

Original poster
aibutohavethisusername · 05/03/2019 22:43

There is no backstory here.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2019 22:47

Then if I were you I’d tell my partner it’s none of his business and ensure I didn’t make any more budgeting errors.

I’d be a bit concerned that my budget was so finely balanced it couldn’t accommodate my child’s pocket money though so might rethink affordability.

BreevandercampLGJ · 05/03/2019 22:56

We pay for bus and lunch money.

We also pay getting out of bed and to the bus on time money, so a tenner for a week of leaving the house and not getting a late mark.

In reality it is pocket money but it needs to be earned.

Also after a rocky start at college (although he now appears to be right in the groove) we pay £10 a week if we don't hear from his tutor, it was only a first term blip, but the offer of money has kept him on track. Grin

We pay for clothes about £100, once a quarter.

We pay his rugby subs and pay for all his kit.

We either drop his girlfriend home to the next county or pick him up from there every other week. He saves his up in time and out on time money to pay for his train there...

If we have disposable, then we will stop at a lovely country pub, have a drink and some bar snacks.

I think your partner is being unfair.

They will be working for the rest of their lives, and boy oh boy based on current projections it will be the rest of their lives, so if you can help a little or a lot, do so. Is my attitude.

Icequeen01 · 05/03/2019 22:59

My DS is slightly older (19) and he also has a part time job for 10 hours per week in a well known supermarket. He is at Uni but commutes each day by car and train. We still pay for everything, his car insurance, train fares, petrol, clothes etc. He gives us £100 per month “rent” but we just put it away and use it for car repairs etc. He buys lunch a couple of days per week out of his money but that’s it really. The rest of his money he spends as he wants. Until he is out of full time education we will continue doing this.

Lovingbenidorm · 05/03/2019 23:08

Both me and DH were expected to have part time jobs all through 6th form and university.
In my case if was because my parents struggled for money, both worked very hard.
Dh’s mum felt he was privileged and should learn the value of money.
Dh’s university sent letters asking for them to stop him working in the holidays.
Subsequently, we have never asked our kids to find work while in full time education.
We are happy to pay for everything they need until they are self funding.
My dd 16 (youngest) doesn’t have 10 hours in the week to have a job.
I don’t think you are being U at all, lunches and dance lessons is really not unreasonable.
I applaud her if she’s paying for everything else

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