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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband offended

65 replies

pancakes22 · 05/03/2019 21:16

Husband singing three blind mice earlier to DD. I got the giggles as he got the tune wrong. He then refused to sing anymore to her. When I said to him that he overreacted he has said that he is really offended that I would laugh at him rather than with him and that he is really paranoid now and won't ever sing a tune he doesn't know.

I mean... come on. Seriously? AIBU that this is really petty? Or actually have I been a bit cruel and you think this is a genuine reason to be offended?

OP posts:

Rottencooking · 05/03/2019 21:18

I'm clutching at straws I know, but did you misspell oversensitive toddler when you wrote "husband"?

Looneytune253 · 05/03/2019 21:19

I prob wouldn’t with my dh but I would be mortified if this happened to me from someone else. Literally and prob wouldn’t sing in their presence for quite some time. I also might be a bit grumpy and stubborn out of embarrassment

strawberryredhead · 05/03/2019 21:20

No you haven’t been cruel!
But you’ve touched a nerve - he’s obviously very sensitive about his singing ability bless him

Rezie · 05/03/2019 21:23

I think you just really hit a nerve. Yea he overreacted, but you were not being nice. Rhythm and anything relating to that is something I really struggle so anyone making fun of it "light heartedly" would have an effect and I wouldn't do it in front of them anymore. In some other aspects that I'm confident in, it wouldn't be a problem.

M4J4 · 05/03/2019 21:28

I have an awful singing voice, but I still belt out my ballads and DH gleefully tells me I have a glass shattering voice.

Your DH is being silly.

I bet he has no qualms about ribbing you about thing s you don't do well?

BertrandRussell · 05/03/2019 21:35

Laughing at someone is not kind. Laughing at someone singing to their child is very not kind.

BeanTownNancy · 05/03/2019 21:41

Sometimes laughter is involuntary, so you're not BU in that case. He's being a bit precious; I understand being annoyed, but saying he'll never sing again is a bit much.

On a side note, my MIL constantly sings the wrong words to my 2yo. Makes me cringe - I feel like it would be rude or mean to correct her, but I don't really want my toddler learning the wrong words either. Quandary.

Original poster

pancakes22 · 05/03/2019 21:47

Hmm really interesting to hear the responses thank you. I honestly meant it with no harm as just a chuckle but it's interesting to hear that others would be offended too so perhaps he isn't being as silly as I thought he was being. Thank you for the different perspectives.

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 05/03/2019 21:47

Maybe he didn't get it wrong; his was a cover version.

Singlenotsingle · 05/03/2019 21:52

Some people will look for anything to be offended by! Ffs!

adaline · 05/03/2019 21:52

If I was singing along to my child and someone said I sounded awful or was getting it wrong, I'd probably be quite embarrassed/upset too. It might not be rational but it's not nice to be made to feel silly.

AliceAforethought · 05/03/2019 21:52

Laughing at someone is not kind. Laughing at someone singing to their child is very not kind

You ought to hear my husband sing. He knows fully well that as soon as he even attempts to sing I’m going to be creased up. He’s even worse than Pierce Brosnan. I’ve even had to struggle to hide my mirth at a funeral when he was singing next to me. He has attempted to sing to each of our children. When I laugh at him, he (and the relevant child)will laugh too. Because he’s not an oversensitive snowflake.

It’s hardly the same as laughing at someone’s misfortune or something.

adaline · 05/03/2019 21:56

Some people will look for anything to be offended by! Ffs!

Or maybe he was having a nice moment with his daughter and was embarrassed to be told he sounded awful/was getting it wrong? Why the need to mention it at all? He was having fun, the daughter was presumably happy - so why not just let him be?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 05/03/2019 21:57

DH has no sense of rhythm, timing, or what a musical note even is, he relentlessly makes up his own terrible songs about random things and sings them in his tuneless way to DS, who laughs, a lot - as do I. He seems a bit overly sensitive OP.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 05/03/2019 21:57

My mother did that to me! Laughed at my singing. Then she made me feel stupid for feeling humiliated. I've never sung in front of anyone since. Not even Happy Birthday.

Might seem petty to you, but it's obviously a big deal to him. Would be kind to acknowledge that.

Quartz2208 · 05/03/2019 21:59

I have an issue with pronouncing the g and sometimes sw or sc words and know I can get loud. dH knows I am sensitive about these but occasionally laughs about it and I get upset

cstaff · 05/03/2019 22:02

If you can't slag your partner off in a good natured way and have a laugh with them who the fuck can you do it with. He is being way over sensitive or he fancies himself as a good singer. Ffs

Iamdanish · 05/03/2019 22:06

I will try to put this the nicest possible way.
Don't laugh at people who are singing.
A lot especially men are very conscious and shy about it.
No matter how it sounds it should be something you can do without being laughed at because it is ultimately an expression of joy.
Please apologize to your dh straight away. My dad stopped singing to us children because my dm laughed at him, and he was always told that he couldn't. And no it didn't sound great, but who cares 😀.

toddman70 · 05/03/2019 22:08

What may seem petty to you may not be to someone else and vice versa.

Niveous · 05/03/2019 22:08

Maybe you shouldn't have laughed at him but his reaction is ridiculously over the top. What a drama queen.

greendale17 · 05/03/2019 22:13

^I agree

Justmuddlingalong · 05/03/2019 22:14

You're reaction made him feel self conscious. So he's reluctant to sing to her again. If that happens your DD will miss out on something that should be really natural and innocent. You also showed your DD that taking the piss is an acceptable thing to do. It's not. It's mean.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 05/03/2019 22:15

Would you laugh at someone for getting their words muddled up when speaking? Or for stuttering? I hope not. OP wasn't laughing along with him in "good nature", she was laughing AT him for making mistakes.

Enko · 05/03/2019 22:16

It really doesn't matter if he was sensitive about it. This is meant to be someone you love and you hurt his feelings. Why not simply say " Im sorry I didnt meant to do that?"

& then not do it again.

Belenus · 05/03/2019 22:16

It sounds like you touched a nerve. People can be fine with a certain amount of criticism but not when you laugh at other things. As a child I was often told I couldn't sing and was mocked for it. Now I do sing in public but I didn't for over 30 years. So yes, I can be a bit touchy about criticism. Likewise with playing musical instruments in public - I can't play in public because of some ridiculous spat with my mother 35 years ago. Part of me knows full well I'm being ridiculous but part of me just has a real block about it.

If he's not generally like this I would allow him this one thing to be touchy about.

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