I've nc and this is going to be long but I don't want to drip feed.
My brother met his ex in 2012. For the first year she was great. We got along really well.
DB already had a dd from a previous relationship. She had no kids. She got on ok with dd (my niece). I hoped their relationship would grow as I knew the ex hadn't been around kids before.
Fast forward to a year later, she's pregnant. They have a son. The ex isn't happy where she and db live and she wants to be closer to her parents. Db agrees even though he is moving 45 mins away from his daughter.
At this time, db comes into some money. She insists all the money is spent on new things for the house. Db lives in the house for a total of 2 months and she kicks him out. All the bills are also in dbs name. He also took a couple of things out on finance for the house.
Db comes and stays at mine. He tells me everything that's gone on.
- The ex through things at Db in front of my niece. My niece got so scared she ran out of the house and Db had to chase her. This was when she was pregnant and she blamed her hormones. She through a pan of water over his head. My niece has spoken to me about these incidents since and confirmed they were true. She was scared stiff of the ex. I had no idea. My poor niece.
- she trapped his arm in the door when he was trying to say bye to his son. He took photos of his arm and it was badly bruised.
- db found messages on the ex's phone to a friend slagging off his daughter (she was only 9 here). The messages were disgusting. Saying how she wished she could ship dd away or get her kidnapped.
- she has also been messaging other men behind his back.
Db carried on staying at mine. The ex completely blocked him on everything and she refused to let db see his son.
Eventually contact resumed. The ex worked part time claiming single parent benefits. But also started working in a pub cash in hand 4 nights a week. From 4pm to midnight she would get £100 cash.
Db met someone else, she really is lovely and I'm happy to say they are married now with an baby of their own. Never seen him happier and more settled. His wife accepts dbs children as her own and they are a lovely family.
Db sees his soon regularly and has always paid maintenance and extra. PLUS the finance for the house he hardly lived in.
Things between Db and the ex have got bad over the last few months.
She ended one relationship and moved straight onto the next. This was 4 months ago. He has now moved in permanently. His kids have been introduced to ds. Db has massive concerns. Ds (my nephew) is struggling. His behaviour is terrible and he is getting in trouble at school. He is one mixed up little boy.
Db bends over backwards for ds. The ex is constantly changing drop off and collection times. Everything she asks for, db just does it. It winds me up! She takes advantage of him and his wife.
Db and his wife even cancelled a new year trip to London because the ex decided she no longer wanted ds for new year and was going to leave him at someone's house she hardly knew so she could go out! Ds is passed from person to person while in her care.
A couple of weeks ago, she sent a message to db saying she was reducing contact and he would no longer be coming for half of the time he usually does. This is not good for my nephew!! He needs his daddy. Now more than ever.
So Db went straight to a mediator and has his first appointment next week. I'm glad he is finally doing something as ds would be much better off with my db.
Anyway last night he received a horrible message from the ex slagging off his wife and baby. He saw red and this morning has rang the benefit fraud number and had told them what she's been doing for the last 4 years. She is refusing to pay for mediation also.
Me and db are very close. He came to mine in tears. He feels guilty about what he's done and what affect it might have on ds. But the ex is really pushing his buttons. I should point out here that the ex has never struggled financially. She went on 2 holidays abroad last year. Lives in a lovely house. Just got a brand new car. She's well and truly taken advantage of the benefit system. Db would have never of done it if she was struggling.
I'm sorry this is long but I don't know what to say to db. He's a mess. His wife is supporting him but she advised him not to ring hmrc - he's done it anyway.
So that it. Should he feel bad? I don't know. I just hate seeing him this way. All just such a mess. Im babysitting my niece and nephew tonight so they can go and have sometime together and to take his mind off things.