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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School trips financial aid

23 replies

Emrel · 05/03/2019 07:36

AIBU
Through divorce I’m currently struggling financially and I’ve had to pull my daughter out of her residential. The school offered financial help but only if I disclose my financial situation which has not happened with other parents at all. Its suddenly become a bit of a deserving poor situation and I do not want the school with it’s extremely high percentage of yummy mummy “ helpers” to have acces to how shit my life really is at the moment.
I do want my daughter to go on her residential but it is extremely overpriced and it’s also important for her to understand that money does not grow on trees and this year unfortunately it just isn’t going to work.
But I do feel shit about it and I think the school didn’t handle it tactfully at all and made me feel worse.

OP posts:

chuttypicks · 05/03/2019 07:39

What's your AIBU? There doesn't seem to be a question in your post @Emrel ?

immortalmarble · 05/03/2019 07:40

I wouldn’t be happy with this to be honest.

IceRebel · 05/03/2019 07:40

Whilst I understand your annoyance at how it was handled, but I don't think the school could have won here.

They have a fund to help those who are financially struggling. If they offer you help, and then it was found that you had ample funds to pay for the trip then other parents would be annoyed.

AuntieStella · 05/03/2019 07:41

If he school is really so poor about confidentiality (as you say you know about the detail of other parents receiving assistance) then I can quite see why you are disinclined to tell the school ny personal information you can avoid .

But otherwise, the school is definitely ing the right thing - offering assistance, but checking it's not being used by pisstakers (there are a fair few about).

I would reconsider tbh. Your DD can learn just as well that your circumstances are currently stritened by telling her that you had to apply for assistance.

And I hope this problem is a short-lived for you.

RedSkyLastNight · 05/03/2019 07:42

I think most schools now try to prioritise their meagre funds to support those who genuinely can't afford it, which is why they ask you to disclose your financial situation. I'm sure any conversation you have will be held in confidence and they will absolutely not be judging.
Is your DC eligible for pupil premium? If she is, you may well not need to say any more.

youaremyrain · 05/03/2019 07:43

So your daughter can't go on her trip because you are too proud?

If the yummy mummy school volunteers have access to any personal financial information then the school is in breach of GDPR

clarrylove · 05/03/2019 07:43

Can't her dad pay? It shouldn't just be your problem. Perhaps he could speak to the school about financial aid?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/03/2019 07:44

I don’t understand why these yummy mummy helpers would have any info about who has paid what for the trip? That seems totally wrong

IceRebel · 05/03/2019 07:46

I don’t understand why these yummy mummy helpers would have any info about who has paid what for the trip?

Simply put they wouldn't have this information. If this is indeed the case at OPs school, then she would be within her rights to report this data breech.

SD1978 · 05/03/2019 07:47

I see both sides. The school however is entitled to ask for further I formation (IMO) as to whether a child actually requires assistance. Not all lone parents are struggling, and some couples may be also. Assuming everyone is honest, when we all know that's not the case, doesn't work. Why would anyone except the school be informed which children are being helped? Is this juts an assumption on your part, or have you been told who would be informed? Personally I'd swallow my pride so my child didn't now have to miss out, but ultimately it's your call

anniehm · 05/03/2019 07:48

Of course they need details to give you financial assistance otherwise it would be abused. For DD's school we had to declare our income and outgoings for financial aid, for parents who are not together they required both parents to complete financial information.

Littlebluebird123 · 05/03/2019 07:49

Sometimes in schools there are certain funds for these things but they have to give an account (to governors, LA) as to where the money has gone. It may be that they have to have the evidence to access the money. Pupil premium money for example is highly regulated and they have to show it's gone on the correct pupils.

The helpers (and in fact most of the staff) should have nothing to do with it, have no access to it and where the money has gone. The reports are general ie 10% of the Pupil premium money was spent of funding trips for children from low income families - it doesn't say who that is or which trips.
If you're concerned about the confidentiality you should speak to the head. It's normally only them and the bursar who would have any knowledge of this.
I know it's a really horrible situation to be in, but as you said, it would be a great opportunity for your dd.

lola006 · 05/03/2019 07:57

My DD’s school has a hardship fund for class trips. I run the PTA and have absolutely no idea who has ever received this sort of assistance, nor would I ever expect/want to. The school would surely be in a major GDPR breach if they went and told any ‘yummy mummy helpers’ anything about your financial situation.

minisoksmakehardwork · 05/03/2019 08:09

You don't seem to evidence that the parent helpers do have access to any financial information, just that there is a high percentage of them in school.

By withdrawing your daughter from the trip you be making a clear statement that you cannot afford it, which will be obvious to anyone else who was going on that trip and to whom your daughter has been talking to. Ie 'I'm going on the trip' now becomes 'I'm not going because mum can't afford it'. So your pride is already dented.

How do you know that other parents who have received help have not had to disclose their financial circumstances? They may be pupil premium families which you are not aware of, given your low opinion of other mums. They may have disclosed to the school and are under no obligation to discuss how much help they have received - they may have been advised not to discuss so other parents don't suddenly all pile in asking for help.

ghostyslovesheets · 05/03/2019 08:12

cutting your nose off to spite your face really - pull her out and the whole school knows you can't afford it - accept financial help and no one will be any wiser.

Gazelda · 05/03/2019 08:12

This.

FamilyOfAliens · 05/03/2019 08:17

In our school the children who attract pupil premium funds get the residential at a much reduced cost (less than 50% of the full cost). Parents do have to ask though.

Of this applies to your child, they certainly won’t be the only one. I think you’re wrong that anyone in school will care whether you can afford it. We tend to be focused on getting as many children to take part in activities as possible.

Holidayshopping · 05/03/2019 08:21

The school offered financial help but only if I disclose my financial situation

Of course they need to know your financial situation. They can’t just give out money on people’s say so.

What makes you think the yummy mummy helpers will be told what’s in your bank account?

I think you are cutting off your nose to spite your face here.

Banana770 · 05/03/2019 08:26

If they help in a classroom they may know which students are Pupil Premium (meaning they get extra support - it’s not a bad thing) but they shouldn’t be spreading this around. Schools absolutely have to check your financial situation! They may be trying to see if you’re eligible for pupil premium or free school meals - this means the school gets extra funding so they are quite on the ball with this.

ltk · 05/03/2019 08:28

The school will need to track where the money goes and justify why it goes there. Otherwise it's open to major corruption. No one should know you had assistance other than the staff involved in the decision.

ltk · 05/03/2019 08:32

And I think it's really nice that they have offered to help dd go on the trip while you've hit a rough patch. Divorce is a crap enough situation for you both - take the extra help when you can!

Purpletigers · 05/03/2019 08:41

I’m sure it’s a difficult situation for you to be in . Accept the help but don’t say anything to your daughter , she doesn’t need to know about any money problems you have atm . Can you mention the privacy issue with the head ? I completely understand your viewpoint btw .

theworldistoosmall · 05/03/2019 08:52

Of course they would need to know otherwise cf parents with thousands in the bank would be applying for financial help.
Your finances won't be discussed widely within the school.

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