to ask the midwife for another Help B screen?

[SinkerSailor]

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant. I have health anxiety and have posted about this before. What happened was that my sister visited me for a week before Christmas, during which time she used my razor and my towel. (She often does this, even though I've asked her not to.) At the time of the visit, she disclosed to me that she has cheated on her husband with a (single) guy who travels the world for work and who she described as "a bit of a man-whore". She told me they had used a condom, but not for oral sex. She had also been making out with a friend who has HIV, though they didn't know he had it at the time. She's going through a bit of a mid-life crisis and has been getting drunk a lot and doing silly things.

Anyway, I got worried about HIV (on both of our behalves, although I realised the risk was very small for me), which I posted about here. I decided to ask DSis to have an HIV test and she did, eight weeks after exposure. It was negative.

Then I realised the bigger risk was actually the hepatitis B, which is transmitted much more easily and can definitely be transmitted by sharing items like razors and towels. Fuck knows, maybe she used my toothbrush too.

My dilemma is this: Do I get tested privately? This costs £300. DH would see this as we have shared accounts. I have promised DSis I wouldn't tell anyone about the cheating so would have to gloss over that.

Could I ask the midwife or GP for another blood screen? Would everyone who saw this (midwife, consultants, etc) in my maternity notes judge me for it and draw the conclusion that I had done illegal drugs or cheated on my husband while pregnant? Would they think I was ridiculous for asking, seeing as the risk is so small?

I'm so anxious, please go easy on me.

Oh it’s awful and nothing anyone says will get rid of that anxiety even though I’d bet my life you don’t have any blood bourne virus.You need to be honest with yourself, will a negative test be the end of it for you or will you build back up to an anxious state about it again? I came off anxiety meds before I was pregnant but went back on during pregnancy, I’ve been off them years now and sailed through a second pregnacy anxiety free, you have my sympathies it’s all consuming when it peaks. And as someone else mentioned SH24 is endorsed by the NHS, we use the service so you could order a kit

You say you've been fine without your medication for so long but, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, this level of anxiety is not 'fine'

I've spoken to DH. Without giving away DSis affair. I just said it was about the guy she made out with. (She also cleaned up his vomit when they got drunk together and bandaged his hand when he cut himself at work. They're very close friends.)

Anyway, DH thinks there no reason for me to feel ashamed and "sneak around" the GUM clinic under a false name, or order a postal test. He thinks I should just talk to the midwife or GP, whichever I can get an appointment with first, and be honest about the fact that I have anxiety and that I just want reassurance/peace of mind. I'm going to do this tomorrow.

Thanks so much, everyone, for taking the time to engage with this. I do realise I'm most probably ok, but I could just never forgive myself if something happened to the baby that I could've prevented.

@tommytwotoes

I know. But this isn't how I usually am.

OP, well done in talking to your DH about this, and his advice is spot on.
I hope you get the reassurance you need from the medical profession and wish you all the best 😀

OP I remember your last post about HIV and I think @AgentJohnson has it spot on. You need to see someone about your health anxiety and not all of this. In a kind way - Are you worried about how you are going to be with your baby? My mum was a single mum with no friends with babies and it’s a running joke that she took me to the GP basically every time I sneezed - if you’re going to be like this but properly anxious about everything how are you going to cope? You need to deal with the root of the problem, not just tests for everything you’re HUGELY unlikely to have.

Are you worried about how you are going to be with your baby?

No I'm not, really. I have a young DC and I'm not like this with them now, although I was probably a bit OTT in the newborn period. For example, I remember freaking out over coldsores which, according to my GP, are not actually a big deal even for a baby. I had read something in the news about a baby dying from one. I'm not even like this about myself, normally. My anxiety has mainly manifested as work related stress in recent years.

I think there's something about how I feel like I did everything right in order to protect myself and it still wasn't enough. I follow all the public health advice for pregnant women about food and caffeine and all the rest of it, and then suddenly this (perceived) danger to my baby from someone I love and trust. It made me feel like I'm not in control.

(But I am planning to go back on my anti anxiety meds at some point after the birth as I felt great on them.)

I’m so glad to hear you have something that works for you OP. I do understand health anxiety and it’s fucking horribe to live with. I know that none of us are going to be able to make you feel okay about any of this but I hope the posters saying how negligible the risks are help a tiny bit until you’re able to get all this sorted. I totally get the out of control feeling and when you’re pregnant it must be all consuming. Xxx

@SinkerSailor
I just wanted to ask if you had disclosed your anxiety when you first had your pregnancy booking in appointment? There is often a lot of support available with specialist midwives, antenatal mental health teams etc who wouldn't judge you and would get you whatever support you needed, be that answers to your questions, extra testing, advice on medications, counselling, etc.
(I have EUPD and often have health anxiety and I wouldn't cope without the additional support sometimes)

No I don't think you are unreasonable - but I do think you're health anxiety is making this harder than it needs to be which is a given - anxiety is a horrible shit that makes everything awful ever. I think that you need to do less reading online and more talking to healthcare pros in person, bollocks to what folks think of you, this is you and your child here. Are you seriously going to put the health of you and your child above what someone in healthcare might think of you? I promise you, you're not that important for them to keep in mind constantly - and I don't say that to be mean, I say that because there are people out there with considerably worse health issues and behaviours than yourself that they will genuinely have to worry about constantly. All they will care about is the health of you and your baby, and not holding the mistakes of your sister against you. You ordered tests online - someone has to process them somewhere. Go and get tested in person and tell them why - stop being daft.

Your sister is being extremely self destructive, so if it were just you she was affecting then you might be able to work with her - but right now you are pregnant. You have your baby to think about too - you are your baby's voice. Sister or not I wouldn't be anywhere near her until she gets her shit together.

You absolutely do not have to have a hep B test. Unless you are sharing dirty needles that you are injecting into veins with your sister, you are at next to no risk. I hope you can get the CBT soon xx

Quick update from me: I saw my GP this morning and he was just so lovely and understanding I've come away feeling so much better about the whole thing. I got a bit emotional when I told him about my concerns, at I'd been bottling it up for two days, but he said let's just get the tests done (full liver and kidney check) and then you don't have this to think about when you've got a newborn in a couple of months! I actually got the results by text this evening even though he said to call IV three days. And, of course, everything is fine.

Thanks again, everyone. Your comments helped me to deal with this rationally and I also realised I needed to speak to DH, who is always the voice of reason when I get obsessive. He just told me earlier he was really proud of me for dealing with it so well and was really glad I spoke to him about it.

Like I said, I'm waiting for CBT now and I've also bought a book about how to relate differently to anxious thoughts.

@SinkerSailor thank you for the update. I’m so pleased you were seen so quickly, got the tests done and were reassured by your GP.

You do seem to have tried to look at it all rationally and have tried to get your information from credible sources. I do understand your wondering when you don’t get the answers you need and things can escalate from there.

Sounds like you have an amazing DH. You are doing so well in helping yourself. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really smoothly and then you will have a lovely healthy baby xx