to ask the midwife for another Help B screen?

[SinkerSailor]

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant. I have health anxiety and have posted about this before. What happened was that my sister visited me for a week before Christmas, during which time she used my razor and my towel. (She often does this, even though I've asked her not to.) At the time of the visit, she disclosed to me that she has cheated on her husband with a (single) guy who travels the world for work and who she described as "a bit of a man-whore". She told me they had used a condom, but not for oral sex. She had also been making out with a friend who has HIV, though they didn't know he had it at the time. She's going through a bit of a mid-life crisis and has been getting drunk a lot and doing silly things.

Anyway, I got worried about HIV (on both of our behalves, although I realised the risk was very small for me), which I posted about here. I decided to ask DSis to have an HIV test and she did, eight weeks after exposure. It was negative.

Then I realised the bigger risk was actually the hepatitis B, which is transmitted much more easily and can definitely be transmitted by sharing items like razors and towels. Fuck knows, maybe she used my toothbrush too.

My dilemma is this: Do I get tested privately? This costs £300. DH would see this as we have shared accounts. I have promised DSis I wouldn't tell anyone about the cheating so would have to gloss over that.

Could I ask the midwife or GP for another blood screen? Would everyone who saw this (midwife, consultants, etc) in my maternity notes judge me for it and draw the conclusion that I had done illegal drugs or cheated on my husband while pregnant? Would they think I was ridiculous for asking, seeing as the risk is so small?

I'm so anxious, please go easy on me.

No one will judge you OP, it's not your fault someone else has used your stuff and put you at risk, albeit a very small one. Your GP or local GU clinic can help. Also... Your sister is disgusting. Using someone else's razor and towel? Barf.

Am I right I'm thinking you don't even know if your DS or 'man-whore' even have hep b/c?! Why do you think you could've caught it from her when in all likelihood she hasn't even got it?

OP I’ve just read back over your previous thread so there’s no crossed wires - and no risk of HIV there, so we are agreed we can forget that one, along with the fact your DSis has tested neg. for it.

Re Hepatitis B & C, from what you wrote all your DSis did with the friend who was HIV pos was kiss, and the other guy she had sex with was with using condoms, so from what I understand, no risk there.

So this just leaves your DSis somehow having contracted Hepatitis elsewhere, and while it is true the NHS website mentions shared razors as being a means of passing it on, you have to read it in context with other info like the fact it is very uncommon here, and they have to cover themselves even if it is only a slight risk.

Please don’t take my wondering (I didn’t use the word worrying) about it if I was in the same situation as being that concerned by it. Personally I would not see this as needing to get tested thing - more as a “my sister used my razor, I’m pissed off with her for doing with it and is it any health risk to me....no?....ok” sort of think to ask my midwife/GP at my next appointment.

I wouldn't be impressed with anyone using my razor tbh

But why? Most people here seem to think that nothing can actually be transmitted that way, unless there are copious amounts of visible blood. Am I in fact not being unreasonable about that bit, then? Anxiety means I don't trust my own judgement.

but how did you find out?

I caught her shaving her pubes on the last day of her visit and asked her if she'd been using it. She says she had used it a few times. She has done this many, many times in the past, so that's not something unusual. She also uses my bath towel. In her family, everyone just uses whichever towel is hanging in the bathroom and I never get allocated my own towel when I'm there. That's just how she is. Maybe lacks boundaries.

Did you actually use the razor again after she had used it and did you cut yourself? Not sheet I caught her out, but I used it after her on some of the other days, because she showered before me every day when she was here, while I was getting my DC ready. And as for bleeding, I don't know if she cut herself but I very, very often nick myself a little bit when I shave. More often than not, probably. It doesn't bleed a lot but I don't think it needs to bleed much to be a risk. There was a study about Hep B where researchers looked at razor blades in barbershops in Turkey. There was blood on abut 10% of all blades collected. I doubt everyone was bleeding profusely at the time. (I have actually tried to do some research and is not necessarily reassuring.)

As far as telling your husband, I assume you're not currently having unprotected sex if you believe you might actually be infected? If you truly believe you are at risk you should tell him, it's his health/baby at risk (?) too.

I'm not sure why you're asking me this. To freak me out even more? It's a pretty long story. I told him when I found out DSis had made out with an HIV positive guy. I realised the risk was minuscule but I did speak to DH. He didn't think it was anything to worry about, as HIV can't really be transmitted by kissing unless there are very special circumstances like severe gum disease on both sides. Still, we decided I would ask DSis to have an HIV test. It was only when I asked her to do this that she told me she had in fact put herself at risk for real, by having unprotected oral sex with the guy she had an affair with. (Obviously, I only know what she tells me and I can't know that they didn't also do other stuff.) When the HIV test came back negative, I forgot about my worries. I was looking through my maternity notes this morning and realised that I'm still at risk of Hepatitis. I really want to talk to DH but I've promised DSis I won't tell anyone about the affair.

As a midwife I wouldn't think twice about seeing a test repeated only to ask the woman if she was safe etc.

Are you a midwife?

When you have Hep C you are advised not to share razors and to have a toothbrush protector.

The risk is minimal though tbf.

My ex husband and I weren’t even advised to use condoms as the risk to him was so minimal (although no sex if I was bleeding) and none of my children contracted it from me.

the other guy she had sex with was with using condoms, so from what I understand, no risk there

She tells me they had unprotected oral and he ejaculated in her mouth. (Of course I can't know exactly what else they did.)

You aren’t going to get anything from oral sex unless she had a gaping sore in her mouth.

Am I right I'm thinking you don't even know if your DS or 'man-whore' even have hep b/c?!

Of course I don't. Why would anyone ever get tested for any STIs, ever, if we all thought "it's fine, I don't know that this person has an STI, so they probably don't."

you have to read it in context with other info like the fact it is very uncommon here

My DSis doesn't live here, the man-whore is from Turkey and he does a lot of international travel for work.

Can I address one more thing in your first post OP? You are concerned about being judged...absolutely no need whatsoever. If anyone who has tests when pregnant has anything show up, there is no judgement at all, just good advice and treatment.

GUM clinics for the most part and depending where you live use different identifiers rather than your NHS number so there is no connection from a privacy POV - unless you want there to be. You could call yourself Minnie Mouse if you want to!

I’ll also add from a personal perspective of someone living with an STI, I have received no judgement whatsoever from several health practitioners (GP, consultants, nurses etc) I’ve seen over the last couple of years who know my status

I'm sorry your so worried could you explain this to your sister and ask her to get tested ?

I can't mention this again. She's getting fed up with me mentioning it.

You aren’t going to get anything from oral sex unless she had a gaping sore in her mouth.

I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help but I can't just take your word for that. I have seen this info online, but I've also seen info that contradicts it.

Sometimes ocd can manifest as obsessional thoughts, your post reminds me a lot of how I was thinking when in the grip of ocd. The conundrum is that no one can 100% promise that you have zero risk, and that feeds the thoughts.

What helped me was to question myself on why I was worried about my obsession (mine was that I or someone driving me would accidentally run someone over) and not other things like a gas leave causing an explosion in my house. both are possible, but only one was playing on my mind. Unpicking why was a challenge but Cbt was life changing for me and if you can afford Private health checks please consider whether you can afford Private Cbt. Mine was around 100 per hour with the Priory and worth every penny.

Take care of yourself

@milkjetmum

Thank you. I'll think about it. At the moment I just feel like if I can get this over with, I'll be fine. But I guess something else might crop up. I'm not like this all the time, so I'm not sure how helpful it would be to have therapy when I'm not in the middle of obsessing about something.

@HIVpos I'm really glad you've had such good experiences.

Of course I don't. Why would anyone ever get tested for any STIs, ever, if we all thought "it's fine, I don't know that this person has an STI, so they probably don't."

You don't make much sense and I don't think anything anyone says here is going to convince you that you haven't caught Hep B/C from your sister so either request another blood screen from your midwife (she probably wouldn't even blink twice and certainly wouldn't think you'd done anything 'dubious' whatever that means 🙄) or get a postal kit or go an STI walk in. Give a bloody fake name and go to the next town if you're so arsed about people judging you. Literally a non issue as there are a multitude of things you could do to resolve this.

Also don't you rinse your razor before you use it anyway? Regardless of whether or not anyone has used it? I do, I get cuts if the razor hasn't been rinsed and dampened first, maybe that's why you're getting shaving cuts

I would also say OP try not to make your sister feel like shit about this

@SinkerSailor
Does this just happen during pregnancy for you?
I get health anxiety when I'm pregnant and breastfeeding or formula feeding a newborn (reading packets, worrying about caffeine/medication/food, worrying about second hand smoke, germs, cancer, blood borne infections, unvaccinated people etc. Etc.) but this goes away once my hormones settle down.
I think sometimes it can be hormonal and a lot of people get mild OCD when pregnant/early days after because it's just more scary?
Like, I would never worry about a headache and slightly raised blood pressure but when I'm pregnant I start worrying about pre-eclampsia.

I would also say OP try not to make your sister feel like shit about this

I've only mentioned it twice. Once asking her to get tested and once asking her if she was also tested for Hepatitis. I can't talk to her again. That's why I'm on her bothering you guys about it instead!

@ShabbyAbby I have different kinds of anxiety in different situations but I guess the health side of things is worse during pregnancy because it's not just about me, it could affect the baby if I catch something.

@Birdsgottafly if your round a child with Hep B and changing nappies you SHOULD DEFO have been getting your Hep B jab! Your doctor is an idiot.....

@SinkerSailor you need to calm down, my sister is a drug addict has Hep B & C (and more than likely HIV for all we know) and it hasn't even passed anything through to her 3 children ( Thank god ) if your first test came back neg, you really don't need to test again....

Take a look at BASHH guidance for testing. I’m a CASH nurse and anxiety around HIV and blood bourne viruses is extremely common, honestly your risk is negligible however if it would alleviate your anxiety I’d test you, the difficulty comes when some with health anxiety request test after test after test when it really isn’t clinically indicated, leading us to feed and exacerbate anxiety by continuing to test IYSWIM, as well as the anxiety waiting for results, please go to sexual health and ask I promise you won’t be judged pregnant or not, no offence but we don’t care ( I mean that nicely) we want people through our doors, I regularly see pregnant ladies, sex workers, young, old and no one passes judgement at all

I really want to tell DH everything as he normally reassures me when I'm like this but I might feel worse afterwards for giving away my sister's secret... I have been thinking about this crap all day.

And yes, I know I can just get tested but I need to figure out how without DH noticing, whilst getting him to pick up our child after work (I normally do) and I need to decide whether I want to be anonymous or whether I am in fact ridiculous to be concerned about being judged. Will the midwife insist I go back on medication even though I've been fine without for ages? Are the postal tests approved by the NHS? I need to research. All these thoughts are just spinning around in my head.

@Lymphy Thank you for your kind message, it's made me cry.

sinkersailor
I wouldn't like someone using my razor in the same way as I wouldn't like them to use my toothbrush or hairbrush, because they're my personal items, not because of potential blood borne viruses.

I'm asking about the unprotected sex to try and work out if you truly believe that you're at risk, or if it is your anxiety taking over. I don't think that you would put your husband at risk by having unprotected sex.

Yes I'm a midwife but not in the UK.