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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I make DD 6yrs old continue swimming lessons when she doesn't want to go

104 replies

user1467722214 · 04/03/2019 22:44

Dilemma - MIL told me my DD doesn't want to continue with swimming lessons and only goes because I want her too. MIL really upset me as she made me feel terrible for wanting daughter to do this. She asked me what I am so scared of! I just want DD to be competent, I feel MIL is manipulating her own GD just because the lesson (30mins) encroaches on her time with her GD overnight stay with her. She thinks I should take her and teach her myself every few weeks. I think lessons make DD concentrate better. Don't know what to do.

OP posts:
littlepeas · 05/03/2019 06:34

She definitely should carry on - a 10m badge is not competent enough. Swimming is compulsory for my dc and I expect them all to reach a high standard - being a strong swimmer is vital and good water confidence opens up so many hobbies to them too. We've had phases where one or more of them weren't really enjoying it, but we have persevered and they are all good, ,strong swimmers, 2 out of 3 are swimming with a club and the third is doing life saving. It keeps them fit too. Your mil needs to butt out.

grinningcheshirecat · 05/03/2019 06:43

It sounds like either MIL is sabotaging her or that she might benefit with a different instructor. Maybe you should take her once or twice and see what the problem is.

bellinisurge · 05/03/2019 06:47

Btw, I would take her myself and not trust it to someone else. Then I could judge it better.

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 06:49

I’m really surprised at the responses on this thread as normally on MN swimming h mess ins are treated with contempt on here.

Swimming teacher here!

Keep on with them. 👌

NorthernKnickers · 05/03/2019 06:51

The 'unfortunately Nanny', overnight visits will need to stop, so you can take her yourself 🤷‍♀️

Don't let yourself get railroaded here...your MiL is being manipulative. (And it sounds like your DH is not much better to be honest!)

NorthernKnickers · 05/03/2019 06:52

'Then' not 'the' 🤦‍♀️

RoseMartha · 05/03/2019 06:54

Keep the lessons going but if possible change the day

Thatsnotmyotter · 05/03/2019 07:47

Baby DS is in lessons now and won’t be allowed to stop until he is a strong swimmer. We live near the coast and as far as I’m concerned, swimmining is not optional.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 05/03/2019 10:34

Do you take your dd to the lessons?

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 05/03/2019 13:18

3 of 4 of mine will stay at swimming lessons until they have done all stages and then Rookie Lifeguards. After that they can leave. We live near a beach and I need to feel that they are safe in the sea (and can rescue me since I'm a poor simmer 😁😁)

Knittedfairies · 05/03/2019 13:21

I may have missed what your daughter wants to do; if she wants to continue the lessons, your MIL has some explaining to do.

Lifecraft · 05/03/2019 13:30

Well surely the answer is simple - you're scared of her drowning.Sorry to be blunt, but swimming is not like gymnastics, or football, it's potentially lifesaving

In reality, 95% of people who drown are good swimmers. They go into the sea to swim, underestimate the danger of the current, and end up drowning. Non swimmers don't get themselves into that situation in the first place. So don't drown. Hardly anyone drowns by falling into the water. Nearly everyone who drowns does so by taking risks in water. Quarries are also dangerous. Swimmers get stunned by sudden freezing cold currents from the deep, and drown. The non swimmer isn't in the quarry swimming in the first place.
The whole "swimming is lifesaving" is a myth. It's more likely to be life ending.

I love to swim and I am a good swimmer. So are my kids. I learned to swim as a kid because I enjoyed it. So did my kids. But if it's not fun, then don't do it in the belief that it'll stop you from drowning. The actual facts don't back that up.

HavelockVetinari · 05/03/2019 13:38

I feel like I'm in a parallel universe on Mumsnet when it comes to swimming. My 12 year old went to lessons for years and can only swim about ten metres. My younger child has also been going to lessons for years and is just about capable of ten metres.

Confused I've honestly never heard of a 12 year old who couldn't swim properly after years of lessons (barring SEN). Sounds like the teacher is dreadful!

All DC I know can swim multiple lengths by age 12.

Thatsnotmyotter · 05/03/2019 13:41

@lifecraft That’s definitely a good point in this country. I think I’m warmer countries with pools for example, there is a real risk of young children falling into uncovered pools and drowning.

Loftyswops988 · 05/03/2019 13:42

I genuinely hated swimming lessons as a child. I remember crying quietly behind my goggles all the way through them. Then something kind of clicked, it still wasn't my favourite but my parents didn't let me stop til i was a fairly strong swimmer and I'm so glad of it! She is only 6, ignore MIL and push on a bit more. Also explain to your DD that you don't expect her to be going for olympic gold but that it is an important skill, it will take the pressure off a bit and she might enjoy it more

Armadillostoes · 05/03/2019 13:45

Lifecraft-as another keen swimmer I see your point BUT it is only valid because in our society most people can swim. When this wasn't the case, a lot more people did indeed die by falling into water e.g. on boating lakes.

It is certainly true that most deaths by drowning are unnecessary, because people don't understand the risks involved. But ignorance can (and sadly does) kill in many ways. Again, the solution is education.

Karigan195 · 05/03/2019 13:46

Swimming is important as it could save your child’s life one day. Continue with the lessons!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 05/03/2019 13:48

Would you stop sending her to school just because your mil said she didn’t like it? Swimming is an essential life skill.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/03/2019 13:48

10m is not enough. Keep the lessons going; tell MIL to keep her beak out.

Ask your DH is he would be happy if the poor girl drowned.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 13:51

I learned to swim without swimming lessons, I had to abandon swimming lessons for ds 7 as he just was not making progress. I take him now myself, where he has much more fun. Can you take your dd yourself regularly.

PettyContractor · 05/03/2019 13:51

In addition to lessons, get her to swim several times with someone who will play with, chasing each other, diving under water etc. I did this with DD, who had been progressing very slowly in lessons, and it completely transformed her, after that she progressed through stages very quickly.

2anddone · 05/03/2019 13:54

Swimming lessons were a non-negotiable activity in our house (no matter how much we all, dc and parents included, found them an absolute ballache!!) until dc gained their 25m badge then they could stop!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/03/2019 13:57

She still needs lessons imo. I made my dc have them till they were about 10 and very competent.

Could you take her instead if MIL cba with it?

InDubiousBattle · 05/03/2019 13:59

If she doesn't want her lesson eating into time with her grandma why not just take her on a different day?

sijjy · 05/03/2019 14:00

I also have a 6 yr old in swimming lessons. He hates it if they are learning on their back. ( his very first swimming lesson at a different place to where he goes now strapped a shark fin to his back. He flipped onto his back and couldn't get back over. The swimming teacher was too hungover to notice and he had to be rescued by the lifeguard as he was floating off into the deep end.) but he quite likes swimming on his front. He has been going for ages and gets fed up he can't swim as good as the other children but I explain to him that he's got to go because one day it may save his life.
Also my older son hated swimming lessons as he was a bit older than most of the kids in his stage due to starting late. I told him once he got to a certain stage he could leave. So he got his head down flew through the stages and left.