Pancake day tantrum

[Slazengerbag]

Semi lighthearted but I’m feeling guilty

Tomorrow is pancake day. I am going out for dinner with friends. Ds threw a bit of a tantrum last night that I wouldn’t be here to ‘celebrate’ I laughed and said don’t be silly. Dh agreed with him! We eat dinner together 5 nights out of 7 so it’s not as if it’s family time.

I explained I will make the pancakes tomorrow (they like the American ones) as it’s my day off and they can warm them up.

I should add that ds is 17 with no sen. The other children couldn’t give a shiny shit if I’m here or not as long as they get pancakes

Now I’ve got the mum guilt about missing pancake day and how many more will I get? But to be honest it’s usually me in the kitchen making them whilst they sit at the table scoffing away and I get the odd few whilst I’m cooking.

Aibu to just go out anyway?

I think some teens, especially before they are about to go to uni, college etc can find these little family things really important. lad you’ve got it sorted. I think some teens, especially before they are about to go to uni, college etc can find these little family things really important.

Yes, it sounds as though he is not quite ready to let go of his childhood. I think it's rather sweet.

I think it's really sweet that he wants to keep this family tradition!

No issues with you cooking them, but put them on a plate in a slightly warm oven and then you can all eat together!

But he's 17, he can buy his own Nutella.

Have you taught him to cook, do his laundry etc in prep for uni? If he can't buy Nutella by himself how's he going to cope with everything else he'll have to do for himself?

I think he's 17, and realising that life is going to change even more and his responsibilities increase... and he is holding on to his 'comforters'. Maybe he sees mum making pancakes as a part of that 'knit' of family life that he wants to hold onto, then he reverted to being a child in how he expressed that. 17 might be nearly an adult but it doesn't mean sensible adult brain rules the thinking process. Pancake day might not be important or relevant to most of us but he probably associates it with comforting family memories from his childhood.

Pretty selfish of both. They clearly see you as the maker and server of their pancakes. I doubt they mind you going other than that.

OP I wouldn't feel guilty that you haven't seen pancake day as a big thing. I think for him it's just the timing. I suspect you've made a good job of being mum and he's realising this! Just my perspective of course.

As an aside, I am in my fifties and a few years ago my mum said she felt guilty that she hadn't had a dishwasher installed (it would have been relatively unusual to have one in the 70s) and we'd had to wash up after meals! I thought initially she was joking but ended up having to reassure her that I didn't spend time reflecting on her 'cruelty' in making us do the washing up but had had the privilege of enjoying a lovely upbringing (even though I was a nightmare child at times and we had the usual upsets) and had always felt loved. I guess I'm saying it's not something he's likely to hold against you in the future.

I think you have had some unnecessary comments Op, I too think he is seeing pancake day as one of those lovely family traditions that will change very soon.

DS has done 2 years at uni and now having a year working, I really missed him yesterday (he used to make the batter and always the one to flip pancakes) even though we sent him pics and he was doing pancakes later with housemates.

I think we don’t realise how the traditions we start, can become part of their fondest memories.

We had a family tragedy last Spring, a sudden death. The anniversary is over Easter so I have said I want to be away from home and we have booked caravan into a site. DS will join us but DD (almost 19, gap year, working in retail, can’t get time off) will be at home.

She has no problem staying home alone, actually enjoys it, will also be alone for a week in March. But it’s Easter that has brought comments from her like “I’ll be on my own at Easter” etc, which really surprised me, as she lives in her room a lot and would have us believe she hates our company!!

But thinking back, when the kids were younger, we used to go away in caravan and the bunny hid their eggs somewhere around it, so maybe she is wishing she could experience that again? Or just wanting a nice day on the Sunday with a roast.

I think I will do an Easter Sunday with nice roast for her the week before. We have also made it clear that the bunny won’t forget her too 😂😂

She understands why I want to be away (we learnt of the tragedy via a phone call and I then had to relay that to other family) but it has surprised me how sentimental she has been.

If I were you I'd just do it on a different day. Were doing pancake Day in my house on Friday 😀 as mam worked yesterday and today, and is going out tomorrow evening. I do think pancake Day is about family and even though I'm 24 I still hold sentimental values to certain traditions - eg stocking at Christmas, new pyjamas on Christmas Eve, an Easter present and a lindt bunny for Easter, giving a small gift at. New year, making a fuss of the dog on her birthday

you do realise this all got resolved on Monday, don't you?

Oh. Sincere apologies for my density. I hadn't got a clue when pancake day was LOL. I have it when others don't read the thread and now I'm one of them.