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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pancake day tantrum

86 replies

Slazengerbag · 04/03/2019 13:40

Semi lighthearted but I’m feeling guilty Blush

Tomorrow is pancake day. I am going out for dinner with friends. Ds threw a bit of a tantrum last night that I wouldn’t be here to ‘celebrate’ Hmm I laughed and said don’t be silly. Dh agreed with him! We eat dinner together 5 nights out of 7 so it’s not as if it’s family time.

I explained I will make the pancakes tomorrow (they like the American ones) as it’s my day off and they can warm them up.

I should add that ds is 17 with no sen. The other children couldn’t give a shiny shit if I’m here or not as long as they get pancakes Grin

Now I’ve got the mum guilt about missing pancake day and how many more will I get? But to be honest it’s usually me in the kitchen making them whilst they sit at the table scoffing away and I get the odd few whilst I’m cooking.

Aibu to just go out anyway?

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 04/03/2019 15:01

Celebrate?! You don’t ‘celebrate’ pancake day, you just eat pancakes

Unless you're in New Orleans. Smile

Maybe he has a big surprise Mardi Gras celebration planned.

OffWithThePixies · 04/03/2019 15:05

He’s 17?!?! Dear God, he’s got to cop on to himself.

Also, skip pancake day and have donut day Grin Much more fun - Poland does it

Isadora2007 · 04/03/2019 15:07

Is there not any other hour of the day you could eat pancakes together? Could you have a pancake breakfast to make up for it? Or after school? I’m a big sucker so if my grown son (who is older than the OPs and doesn’t even live at home any more!) wanted pancakes with me on pancake day I’d probably move my plans by an hour to fit round it.
The way I think of it is that if I reflect on my life in years to come, will I regret turning him down or regret changing my plans?

HomeMadeMadness · 04/03/2019 15:09

I was ready to say you were being a mean mum thinking DS was 7, it's quite cute he lives pancake day still at 17 but he's also old enough to make his own pancakes with his siblings so he should be OK!

SaturdayNext · 04/03/2019 15:09

They've had 16 years of your company on Pancake Day. It's hardly going to ruin the whole year if they have to do without you this time round.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2019 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NutElla5x · 04/03/2019 15:10

In a way it's quite soppy and sweet that a 17yr old wants mummy around on pancake day. But husband agreeing that you should be there, not so much. He should be laughing along and gently teasing your son along with you surely? Very strange.

Original poster
Slazengerbag · 04/03/2019 15:10

Oh ffs can people please read the full thread!

It isn’t about me cooking the pancakes. My husband and son are more than capable of doing it themselves. It isn’t about because I’m a woman and I’m going out with friends when they want me tied to the kitchen!!!!

My ds sees pancake day as a big celebration (I have no idea why) and he’s gutted I’m not going to be there.

I feel guilty about this, which is from ME. Not because he is manipulating me in any way. After next year he will be at uni and he won’t be here for pancake day.

I also feel guilty that he’s obviously seen pancake day as a big thing, where I have just seen it as another day and that makes me sad Blush

OP posts:
RhodaChrosite · 04/03/2019 15:11

Is it about the actual pancakes or does he want the familiarity and happy associations of a tradition that the family has had since he was a child?

If it’s the pancakes well many 5 year olds could whip some up so he can get whisking. If it’s the tradition thing maybe it is important to him and there’s a compromise - ie having pancake day in the morning (he can get up early to make them for everyone) or the following night.

RiverTam · 04/03/2019 15:15

you forgot to put in your OP, OP. Schoolgirl error Grin.

Brian9600 · 04/03/2019 15:22

I’m with your DS. I really like Shrove Tuesday and definitely think of it as a time for having fun with family. Making them pancakes to eat later while you go out completely misses the point. It’s the occasion he cares about, not whether he has to cook.

Obviously up to you whether you stay in or go out but I think the responses saying “tell him to make his own pancakes” completely miss the point.

Brian9600 · 04/03/2019 15:25

Op, having seen your update, if I were you I would stay in and enjoy the evening with your DS. He sees it as a big deal. You’ll have lots more dinners with friends but very few more Shrove Tuesdays with your son. I think you’ll regret it otherwise.

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 04/03/2019 15:30

I can't believe you're thinking of abandoning your entire family on this momentous occasion, the mystic and ancient celebration of the birth (death? martyrdom?) of St. Pancake, just to go and have some TIME to YOURSELF with your FRIENDS like some sort of functioning adult! No wonder your poor child is traumatised, at what other possible time could someone eat a pancake? You've ruined the whole year, I hope you realise. What you going to do for St Swithun's day, burn the house down?
Grin

Bluesmartiesarebest · 04/03/2019 15:31

I love the story about the hot pan! Smile

M4J4 · 04/03/2019 15:36

Hmm not convinced OP. By your own admission you are one who makes them, and you eat yours whilst making them for others so you are kind of chained to the cooker.

Why don't they make and eat fresh pancakes instead of warming up ones you made if they're capable of cooking?

StormTreader · 04/03/2019 15:46

There's a lot of threads on here about teenage boys being surly and distant, I think it's sweet that he still has a special spot in his heart for pancake day Family Time at 17.

I'm not suggesting you cancel your night out, but don't mock him over wanting to carry on a tradition that your DH also agrees with, even if you never really realised that's what it was - it's clearly special to them.

Original poster
Slazengerbag · 04/03/2019 15:49

So ds has just got in from college and we’ve had a chat. It’s not about the pancakes at all. It’s about the fun of it. The competition with his brothers in who can eat the most, me trying to take photos Blush and so on. I’m still going out but we are having pancakes on Wednesday instead.

I asked him why he thought it was a big celebration and he said ‘well it must be because it’s the only time of the year you buy Nutella’ Grin

OP posts:
witchy89 · 04/03/2019 15:51

Oww I think this is quite sweet! I was the same at that age, quite sentimental about family traditions. I guess I'm the same now at 30. Obviously I got to an age where I could help my mum, or take over completely but it definitely wouldn't have been the same if she wasn't there to share them with us!

Firsttimenest · 04/03/2019 15:54

I LOVE pancakes and in previous years took the day off Blush or at least the morning and this year I am devastated to be working.

downcasteyes · 04/03/2019 15:55

Sounds like a great compromise OP! Well handled!

RiverTam · 04/03/2019 16:01

oh, bless him.

RhodaChrosite · 04/03/2019 16:07

Glad you’ve got it sorted. I think some teens, especially before they are about to go to uni, college etc can find these little family things really important. Stuff you think they probably don’t care about now such as Christmas stockings, pancake day, Easter egg hunts etc can start to be more comforting and meaningful as they prepare for adult life. I think it’s really lovely that this is so important to DS. Have a great time tomorrow and a lovely shrove Wednesday 😀

NutElla5x · 04/03/2019 16:08

I asked him why he thought it was a big celebration and he said ‘well it must be because it’s the only time of the year you buy Nutella’

Well I'm not one to blow my own trumpet,but I get that Grin
Great compromise. Have a lovely Shrove Tuesday Wednesday op and soppy son Wink

Crocky · 04/03/2019 16:09

I think I love your ds a little 💕how sweet that at 17 he still wants family traditions.
As for the Nutella comment 🤣🤣

YogaWannabe · 04/03/2019 16:16

He sounds a bit manipulative and entitled. Don't pander to him.

Agree with this. Stop giving this nonsense airtime.

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