Pancake day tantrum

[Slazengerbag]

Semi lighthearted but I’m feeling guilty

Tomorrow is pancake day. I am going out for dinner with friends. Ds threw a bit of a tantrum last night that I wouldn’t be here to ‘celebrate’ I laughed and said don’t be silly. Dh agreed with him! We eat dinner together 5 nights out of 7 so it’s not as if it’s family time.

I explained I will make the pancakes tomorrow (they like the American ones) as it’s my day off and they can warm them up.

I should add that ds is 17 with no sen. The other children couldn’t give a shiny shit if I’m here or not as long as they get pancakes

Now I’ve got the mum guilt about missing pancake day and how many more will I get? But to be honest it’s usually me in the kitchen making them whilst they sit at the table scoffing away and I get the odd few whilst I’m cooking.

Aibu to just go out anyway?

He doesn't want you there to 'celebrate', he wants the pancakes fresh and hot.

He sounds a bit manipulative and entitled. Don't pander to him.

Do the kids pull their weight around the house? Do they make a fuss of you on Mother's Day at least?

Why can't your DH make the pancakes for HIS children? Not to mention your (presumably competent) seventeen-year-old son.

Just buy a container of pancake mix from the supermarket, that and milk is all he needs to make the pancakes, which are best eaten as they are cooked. Less milk to make the American variety which I’d call pikelets. Same ingredients as you’d use and the simplest food on earth to cook. MyDD loved helping me cook them from the age of 4 years as it’s such an easy shared task.

Give a man a pancake and you feed him for a Pancake Tuesday. Teach a man to make pancakes and you feed him every Pancake Tuesday for a lifetime

I was at uni with someone who could make pancakes - if left alone he would make pancakes. His mother said if she ever went away when he was younger it was ok coz she knew he would feed himself and younger siblings on pancakes.

It really is a life skill

It’s my Son’s fifth birthday tomorrow as we are going out in the evening I’m going to make pancakes for breakfast before school, could that be an opinion for you too?
I think it’s really nice your 17 year old wants you home, in a few years he won’t care either way.

Dh does cook and we share all chores. Ds is also a good cook and has made pancakes many times.

It’s more that he just wants me there as it’s pancake day. He tried to say how would I feel if he said he wasn’t going to be here for Christmas. I told him it was hardly the same!

I’m still going to go out and I do go out regularly... I just feel all the guilt that my pfb wants me there and I’m saying tough luck

The 'celebration' inherent in pancake day is the eating of pancakes. There's nothing more to it ergo nothing to miss, provided you get something to eat that evening - unless you are a very observant Christian, who is looking forward to the beginning of lent. Even then, pancake day is the fattening frivolity before lent. Plenty of time to get serious on Ash Wednesday.

You're not celebrating something else (marking a birthday, anniversary etc) and symbolising this by eating pancakes. You are celebrating stuffing yourselves with pancakes by stuffing yourselves with pancakes.

Yes ok, it's a 'high day / holy day, memorable moment in the year'.

But really, they want pancakes, they can make, eat and enjoy pancakes.

Exactly lottie. Can't you just have pancakes on Wednesday instead?

Ah, cross-post. Well that is quite sweet. Maybe you can eat pancakes (or some other dinner together - create your own event) another day?

You can't have pancakes on Ash Wednesday! You have to repent and fast, you miserable dinner!

Sinner not dinner. I have a single-minded autocorrect, clearly.

Spring Equinox coming up soon - maybe make that a special 'family dinner day' instead?

He’s trying to manipulate you. By giving you grief and hoping you will feel guilty, so he can get his own way.

That’s not a very pleasant character trait.

that is a preposterous extrapolation.

@FrancisCrawford is is actually giving up stuff for lent and donating to charity. I was going to type about what he’s doing but I’m sure you would find something to pick holes in.

When my ds was 15 (yes really) he tried making pancakes. The recipe called for a hot pan - cue my dd cracking up when he asked her if we had one!!

FGS! Go out and enjoy yourself! Don't feel guilty, you are absolutely entitled to be 'you' and not 'mum' and go out with your friends etc.

DS is 17, not 7. And you don't celebrate pancake day, you just eat pancakes.

My DCs are younger and wouldn't care in the slightest if I went out tomorrow as long as I left them with a huge pile of pancakes and a jar of Nutella.

Ash Wednesday sounds a good idea. Thank you.

Your family sound v strange to me, especially as your DH agrees with DS.

What's DS going to do on pancake day once he's at uni/left home?

Did I miss the post where her DH lost his arms in an unfortunate pancake flipping accident? Why can’t he make them? Or the son? 1:1:1, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk, 1 egg, away you go.

SEVENTEEN!

God that's worryingly patriarchal of him at that age

A woman going out with friends when surely it's her place to be cooking me pancakes!

Are you usually quite traditional with archetypes in your family?

It's not about the OP having to do the cooking! Her DS just wants her to be there with the rest of the family!