Unwanted Advice/Correcting Friend

[IAteBabyShark]

So to start I guess it is important to know that other than this annoying new development, I really like this friend, we have been friends for years I want to find a way to deal with this that doesn't change that!

So both in our 30s I have a 1 yo DS she is childfree.

Just recently she's started giving SO much unrequested advice on my parenting. Sleep advice (that I think she must have got from the 1950s) is the worst of it but also general correcting- the other day I pointed to a dog and said "woof woof" and she looked disdainful and said "no, dog" at my son. I sent her a funny picture of my son having chucked everything he could find in the bathtub (complete with laughing emoji) and she replied "is keeping the door closed not an option?" It all sounds like really silly things as I'm writing it but it's really affecting our friendship. There's loads more examples similar but what's the answer? Just want to not let it annoy me but easier said than done? Any ideas wise people?

Oh just to add, I've tried calling her out quite gently at the time, and she just looks upset and it hasn't stopped .

If you have spoken to her gently then Just tell her straight your child your rules on bringing them up

Does she want kids?
Could it be jealousy? If this is a new behaviour then I say it was unhappiness making her put you down. Kindly repeat back to her what’s she has said and how it makes you feel

There is no more prefect parenting expert than someone who doesn't have any

It might just be that she is trying to connect with you but as she hasn't got her own child she can't just share what they've done.

Ignore her.

She is jealous.

I had a so-called friend who I happily ghosted after about 9-10 months, who saw fit to comment on EVERYthing I did - or didn't do, with my firstborn. She critisized and lambasted everything, from the way I changed the nappy, to the fact DC1 was not walking at 8 fucking months old 'because my cousin's kid did!'

No kids? No opinion.

You need to tell her to STFU, or you won't be seeing her anymore.

She has no kids, she has NO right to an opinion on how you look after yours/raise yours. Cheeky cow.

Omg the cousin's kid one! Yes... do we have the same friend!!

Just nod, smile and ignore her. I had a friend like that, she stopped giving me parenting advice when she had a child herself...

Have you only found this from the one friend op? I found everyone I know turned into a childcare expert once I had kids

Still haven't figured out how to deal with it, so watching with interest!

I would suggest she doesn't really know how to do parenting and is testing her skills with you. I would also say she is missing out by not sharing in your joy. I would focus on your son and having a wonderful time with him. I would hope she comes round more in time.

OMG 'the cousin' one - do we have the same friend?

Does your rude friend's first name begin with T???

You should have answered "no because it would spoil his game. I just thought I'd share the moment with you".

Just stop sharing so much.

When you are together, either challenge her or ignore, such as the "dog" comment.

My DD has had to take a step back from two friendships. One because the friend is doing what yours is, but my DD blew up and told her that she'd do what she wanted with her children. The other friend has never had a relationship, but was trying to give my DD unasked for advice.

I'd wait for the next golden nugget of wisdom she bestows and in a cheery voice - possibly with a wry smile say "I'm tempted to start keeping a note of all this advice either to write a great book or to use against you should you have your own children one day"

Nothing brings out the experts and an endless ocean of unwanted and usually shit advice like new babies and puppies.

Then again I didn't do anything that was technically "right" or the generally approved method of parenting. We practically allowed ours to be feral but they turned out just fine

@Catinthetwat - Ha, no not just her, but everyone else I either don't care about offending so tell them to F off or they at least have some dc so I can understand that they might be coming at it from experience.

@HoppityFrog3 no!! Weird that they both use that phrase though

Oh @Parly the book idea and wry smile makes me laugh, maybe it's just a year of a non sleeping baby (obviously down to ignoring her advice!) but my first reactions are far more unacceptable than this which is why I've just been biting my tongue!

I have a friend who used to give me sleep advice about my first born. Mostly along the lines of leaving him to cry and not keep going to settle him. I found it really bloody galling at the time. However, she had a child a few years later who was (and still is) a total nightmare of sleeper, that she constantly went in to (her choice). Me tongue was bit so hard it was practically severed I tell you!

@IAteBabyShark Thing is you'll find this with others and at various stages from now until your child is a grown ass adult. It's good to get in the practise in and learn how to say with confidence "Save your breath and hold that thought because I don't give the tiniest shit!!"

The battles shift and change over time from friends to in laws to school teachers / other mum's on the playground - you're never short of judgemental bitching and looks so the sooner you stop giving one the better you are at batting them all off and going about your day doing what counts.

The biggest, worst offender for me was the MIL. She drove me nuts and continually tried to sneak-ass undermine me and think I would maybe just give in I suppose.

No chance. Out of sheer principle I won't be beaten and although she actually seemed to think I was the worst, most cruel and hard-faced cow that ever lived. Not that far wrong either

No kids? No opinion.

I have to disagree with this. It should be just no opinion in general (unless asked for). Having had a few children doesn't make you an expert on anyone's but your own kids!

Maybe she’s bored with everything being about your child.

WTAF? Why do people DO this? Offer unsolicited (often critical) comments and 'advice' on parenting? When they don't even have kids? It has to be something to do with jealousy? They are jealous and bitter that you have a baby and they don't, so they are trying to undermine you IYSWIM.

This same 'friend' of mine actually laughed (5 years before) when she heard from my aunt that I was getting married. She said to her, 'no fucking way. I have been with my Paul for 5 years - 3 years longer than she's been with Sam! I will be the one getting married first.'

My aunt said you could have heard a pin drop on the moon when she told her I was getting married next month, and went red with rage, when she realised she wasn't invited.

Only very close family, and very close friends (and their partners) were invited to mine and DH's wedding - a total of 55 people. And this so-called friend didn't fit into either category! She was just someone I knew from school who invited herself into my life when it suited her, (and things were going good in her life,) and then fucked off for one or two years at a time when my life was better than hers.

After I ghosted her for being a bitch to me when I had my firstborn, I moved house (and town) soon after and never gave her my forwarding address. Never seen her since. No loss!

@maddiemookins16mum

Maybe she’s bored with everything being about your child.

WTF? Why keep blathering on with her unsolicited critical bollocks, if she is 'bored' with the OP's child?!

Your comment makes ZERO sense.

Mum of 3 here (primary aged now).

I know I know I know I know how annoying it is to have someone correcting your parenting (which makes this all the more awkward actually!) but... to give a different perspective (not telling you what to do), to be honest going back I would probably have made sure I enjoyed the fun but yes, I did the "woof woof" thing too and I really should have said "dog", as "Woof woof" etc got ingrained and I had to work really hard to get the correct words in when they were too old to be saying "Woof woof". It's actually great when they can name something properly early on, but you don't realise this until further down the line when other kids seem more advanced in their language.

I let my first DC make a mess of toys or cupboards and smiled, but (crucially) for some areas like a bathroom I should have also said they weren't allowed to play in there. Then I tidied it all up myself whereas I should have encouraged them to put it away afterwards. You can make it a game to put things away.

Also with the bathtub thing, please be careful they aren't spending time in the bathroom on their own - hot taps, nail scissors, sprays etc. It's not the best play environment to encourage. Again, I would have done just the same as you, but then when they get older and start looking for things like scissors and sprays to spray you have to work extra hard to keep them out of there IYSWIM? Not trying to critisise. Just sharing my experience of thinking everything was cute and then having to spend a lot of time undoing stuff I'd basically encouraged.

Could she be jealous, as PPs have suggested. I'd maybe just blank her when she says stuff or give a short 'thanks'.

One of my oldest and child free friends really hurt my feelings a few times when she said my baby looked like he had porridge in his hair (cradlecap) laughed at my 'short bits of hair' (post partum hair loss at a time I already felt like crap a few months in) and commented that my newborn no longer had a 'funny shaped head' (forceps delivery). Writing it down it sounds awful.

@maddiemookins16mum

Er... it's not. But ha

People sharing ridiculous/annoying/outrageous advice they have been given is making me feel better. I've been sitting on this for a while thinking I was being overly sensitive. Thank you.