Unwanted Advice/Correcting Friend

[IAteBabyShark]

So to start I guess it is important to know that other than this annoying new development, I really like this friend, we have been friends for years I want to find a way to deal with this that doesn't change that!

So both in our 30s I have a 1 yo DS she is childfree.

Just recently she's started giving SO much unrequested advice on my parenting. Sleep advice (that I think she must have got from the 1950s) is the worst of it but also general correcting- the other day I pointed to a dog and said "woof woof" and she looked disdainful and said "no, dog" at my son. I sent her a funny picture of my son having chucked everything he could find in the bathtub (complete with laughing emoji) and she replied "is keeping the door closed not an option?" It all sounds like really silly things as I'm writing it but it's really affecting our friendship. There's loads more examples similar but what's the answer? Just want to not let it annoy me but easier said than done? Any ideas wise people?

I'm childfree but of course in going to know a damn sight more about children than someone who has 1 baby for example!

It really depends what you mean by 'know'. And I don't think it's a good attitude to have.
Have you read the insights from the 3 day nanny, I think was - after having her own child, she couldn't do controlled crying work anymore with her clients.

Hoppity, you sound angry and narrow minded. It's not a question of being hurt, it's just pointing out that your views and irrational and have the capacity to hurt.

If you have never received good advice from a person without children, it's because you are too closed minded to listen. I can think of a (now retired) infant school teacher I know who spent her whole adult life working with children. I can't recall her ever giving opinions unasked, but I know many parents who have asked her and found her wisdom valuable.

Some women don't get to be mothers, much though they hoped otherwise. Some of them would have made much a better job of it than some of those who do. It's a sad thought but true.

People who display a lack of empathy and insight often don't make great mothers. Might be worth reflecting on that.

She is clearly very rude.

I wouldn't send her photos anymore -she probably feels she needs to comment somehow

catinthetwat yes you're right. Sorry I think I used the wrong phrase there. I work 60 hours a week as a nanny and spend most of my weekends with family children/ friends and their kids. Of course I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but I have a very good understanding. I think people who have a baby don't necessarily wake up day 1 in to parenting and are suddenly experts.
I'm not saying I'm an expert at all. But having worked with MANY families, I've experienced different ways of doing many parts of bringing up children. That goes for controlled crying, cuddling to sleep, safe sleeping, safely using a baby carrier, baby led weaning or mashed up food. I've experienced so many different ways of doing things that yes, sometimes people may ask for my advice.

Maybe she is bored to death about the baby talk. I wouldn't send any "funny picture" of my kids to anyone but my parents or DH frankly. It's funny for no one else.

Of course it's possible she is jealous, as in hurt that she doesn't have a child herself. Hardly the same thing than being jealous of a designer handbag. What friend would actively make fun of that?

Noonoo I would happily take advice from you any day! You actually bring up children for a living, have a wealth of experience of many different children (not just your own, as some people who are parents might have) and have qualifications in that area too. Also as a nanny working in other people's homes, you must have developed a lot of tact/diplomatic skills when dealing with parents too.

Laughing at the fact that someone without children cannot have an opinion!

In the same way that having one child doesn't make you an expert on parenting...

She should keep her trap shut.

I agree with her about naming the dog as "dog", though.

@StinkyCandle she's his godparent and she asks for them!
I appreciate the alternate views on that part of it but this isn't me going on and on about a baby and my lack of sleep and her going "leave him to cry then" this is me looking tired and her commenting on how I should be less tired if I didn't go to him all night!!

I don't send millions of photos but just as she sends me photos of her job /nights out/funny things on the internet, I reciprocate with photos of things in my day! (Not Just DS- I work 12 hours a day away from him)

Ha, I knew dog and woof woof would be contentious.
I'm not actually saying it's called that, I use the word dog too- I'm using sounds and repetition to help him practice his language BUT regardless of what you thought I doubt you'd correct someone else's child/parent conversation.

this is me looking tired and her commenting on how I should be less tired if I didn't go to him all night!!

The thing is, people get these sorts of unhelpful comments from all sorts of people, not just those without children. Somehow or other it’s only women without children who are the subject of such hate on these threads. It’s utterly horrible.

Be angry at the unsolicited advice. That’s the issue here.

Bloody hell Hoppity, there must be steam coming out of your ears after that over the top eruption. Are you sure you are quite OK?

OP, arsey comments such as this friend is making would annoy most people. Pull her up on it each time. Tell her that although you value the friendship you have had up until now, you don't appreciate the constant implied criticism that now seems to be creeping in regarding so many aspects of your interaction with your OWN child. You would therefore greatly appreciate it if she could be more considerate with her remarks in future.

Of course people who have no children will have opinions. They may well even have extensive experience of working with children and there will certainly be many and varied reasons why they have no children of their own. Being the actual parent as opposed to a professional carer is very, very different though. It is 24/7 and unrelenting.

I'm childfree but of course in going to know a damn sight more about children than someone who has 1 baby for example!

Er, no. You certainly won't know more about that particular baby that its mother, for example. You may know more about dealing with children in a childcare setting, but children behave quite differently among their peers in childcare than they do at home (and that's not just because of us stupid mothers looking after our children wrongly).

angelika thanks for your input but if you read the full thread you will see that I corrected myself on that one sentence.

Of course no one knows children better than their own parents. I would never argue differently.

But there are many things to do with children that I may know more than a mum. For example, a mum may have 3 children but did puree food with them all. So they may not have experiences baby led weaning. I've experienced both, with multiple children.

I am with mum's and dads everyday. I am very understanding of how difficult being a parent is.

Would you not take advice from a health visitor who doesn't have children? Even though they are trained?

And also angelika being a nanny is quite different to a child being in a nursery or childminder setting for example. The children often see you as a third parent. You are in their home for much of the week. I always try to make it clear as early as possible that I am not in their family but naturally children feel it!

It could be interesting times for Hoppity if one of her child's key figures - such as a GP or a teacher - happens to not have children. Will their absence of parenting experience negate their professional advice I wonder?

OP your mate sounds like a dick. Tell her to button it.

Would you not take advice from a health visitor who doesn't have children? Even though they are trained?

I never said I wouldn't take advice from someone without children. And whether I took advice from a health visitor would depend on what they told me, not on whether they had children or not. I've been told some ridiculous things by health visitors (and I have no idea what their parental status was).