To ask how long you waited before telling your family you were pregnant?

[CerysBeizsley]

I waited until after my 12 week scan to tell everyone.

My brothers gf has announced she is pregnant- she found out this morning and is only a couple of weeks pregnant.

We are all thrilled as a family but other members of my family are already making comments about why she’d be telling us ‘so early’ and the fact that it’s a home pregnancy test as opposed to one ‘done at the doctors’.

Don’t get me wrong we are all very excited but got me wondering if this was the norm now of if anyone still waits until the 12 week scan?

I told my parents, ILs, brother and close friends as soon as I found out and work after 12 week scan. With my second I had to tell work sooner as I was obviously pregnant at around 8 weeks so couldn’t hide it.

Pregnancy 1 I was 18, had just split from the father and was somewhat in shock. Didn't get to tell anyone before mc except my landlady who called the dr for me bless her.

Pregnancy 2 I was nervous and waited till 8 weeks to tell our parents, my parents by this point knew about pregnancy 1 but his parents didn't so we explained and asked them not to tell anyone until first scan, sadly another mc just over a week later. His parents were fine, my mother made it all about her and made some crappy comments I could've done without

So pregnancy 3 (dd) we weren't planning to tell anyone until 14 weeks. Unfortunately a situation at work meant I had to tell my boss, but she was fab, understood, sorted the situation discreetly and didn't tell anyone. We still didn't tell family until after the first scan which was around 14 week point.

Personally I think telling so soon is unnecessary and potentially can make things very difficult if anything goes wrong. Telling parents early maybe, but telling a lot of people I really don't think is wise. It means not only having to tell them if something goes wrong it means dealing with their reactions to the bad news while you're trying to deal with it yourself. Not easy.

Plus unless and until you have been through that, you don't know how you're going to react yourself and if you're going to be the type that wants to discuss it and get open support from others or whether you're going to be the type that copes with it more privately. Nothing wrong with either but few people know which they're going to be unless it happens to them.

Lesslivid I disagree. No reason why those of us who've experienced can't address the issues around mc while NOT actively going through one. I'm very open in discussing mine now and have been since having dd, prior to that it was too painful.

It's a very personal decision and women shouldn't be pressured into telling earlier "for the good of others"

Chanklybore the chances of mc significantly drop after 14 weeks, it's not that it can't still happen but it's far less likely. I didn't really even start to relax until 24 weeks for the reason of viability, and even then only tentatively started buying a few bits, I know it's superstition but I also wouldn't have the cot or the pram in the house until the baby was born and a friend with similar history who understood stored them for us.

I've had friends and family who've had late mc and stillbirths and even 2 neonatal deaths so I'm well aware of what can happen.

Not everyone handles something like mc the same way. It's not about shame it's about it being a deeply personal, difficult experience.

I’ve always told my mum and some close friends/family virtually as I’ve peed on a stick. I’ve only waited to the 12 wk mark if I was to more broadly “announce” it (say on FB) but really there’s no “safe” period in a pregnancy until you’re going home with a happy healthy baby in your arms. Regardless of what happens you were still pregnant and presumably excited to share it whenever.

I got to nearly 20 weeks last August and had an infection which caused a stillbirth, so despite being past 12 weeks I still had a devastating experience. I’m currently 10wks now and most people have known since I was 5-6wks. Doesn’t phase me to let people know (except work... they don’t need to know until I’m past probation lol)

Home pregnancy tests are more accurate than the pee tests they do at the doctors. I was shocked when I learned this. The blood test they do is obviously accurate though, but you have to wait a while for those results to come back. My doctor told me if I've done 2 home tests on different days that showed positive then I'm pregnant. She congratulated me before we did the blood test.

Sounds like people are being very catty. If she's pregnant then she's pregnant. It isn't less important because she's only a few weeks, that's ridiculous. She can tell whoever she wants whenever she wants to.

I told my close family before I had my first scan. I was only 7 weeks gone but I couldn't wait to share my news. I decided that if something went wrong I would want their support, rather than trying to hide it like it's a dirty shameful secret that never happened.

The reason people used to wait until 12 weeks is because that was the earliest that you could know you were pregnant - just the limitations of older medicine. Then it hung around because of the miscarriage risk, but it's certainly not an obligation. I think these days it's very normal to let people know sooner.

I had a scan at 7 weeks! Just to check everything was in the right place and baby's heart was beating normally. If this could have happened 100 years ago then I'm sure the 12 week rule wouldn't be around anymore.

Dc1 about 6 weeks
Dc2 the same
Dc3 I think it was about 12 weeks
Dc4 16 weeks
Dc5 after the 20 week scan

Told my parents at 4.5 weeks. Was glad of their support when I miscarried 2 days later.

First time, told my mum and best friend at 7 weeks, then everyone else at 12 weeks, work at about 18 weeks.

Second time told everyone at 12 weeks. Mainly because in my first pregnancy I was quite nervous about something going wrong and having my mum and friend know, and constantly talking about my pregnancy made me more anxious.

First time round I told my mum and immediate family very early on..I was hospitalised with a blood clot at around 9 weeks so ended up telling more family then.

Second time I was 13 weeks... my first was only a year old so I was still in shock myself.

“Chanklybore the chances of mc significantly drop after 14 weeks, it's not that it can't still happen but it's far less likely. I didn't really even start to relax until 24 weeks for the reason of viability, and even then only tentatively started buying a few bits.”

Graphista - I have had three miscarriages, two of them happened well after 14 weeks - likely or not. It doesn’t mean anyone is right or wrong to share whenever they wish to.

I told my parents and his parents the day we found out, which was a good thing as I became very ill before my booking in appointment so there would have been no hiding it anyway.

I wanted to keep it a secret from everyone else until after my first scan but again, couldn't hide it because of how ill I was.

The only thing I would say is I don’t think it is pleasant if, when you tell people before 12 weeks, their attitude is “oh, it’s a bit early to be telling people”. I felt like that translated to “in case your baby dies” and I thought it was very unnecessary as a reaction to happy news, and actually quite a callous thing to say.