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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long you waited before telling your family you were pregnant?

86 replies

CerysBeizsley · 02/03/2019 20:13

I waited until after my 12 week scan to tell everyone.

My brothers gf has announced she is pregnant- she found out this morning and is only a couple of weeks pregnant.

We are all thrilled as a family but other members of my family are already making comments about why she’d be telling us ‘so early’ and the fact that it’s a home pregnancy test as opposed to one ‘done at the doctors’.

Don’t get me wrong we are all very excited but got me wondering if this was the norm now of if anyone still waits until the 12 week scan?

OP posts:
Flev · 02/03/2019 20:38

We told both sets of parents and one close friend each about a week after we knew (so 5 weeks), mostly because we wanted to know we had their support available if things went badly.

We didn't tell anyone else until the 12 week scan - we then told other family and friends.

Bambamber · 02/03/2019 20:38

It's totally normal in our family. My SIL told everyone when she was 4 weeks, I told everyone when I was 7 weeks, my other SIL was 6 weeks. If any of us miscarried (as I sadly did) it was nice to have the support of our families. We didn't tell people outside of immediate family though.

Drs tests are the same as at home tests, so they should probably remove their judgy pants from up their asses

LessLivid · 02/03/2019 20:38

From two miscarriages, @Stinky. The whole “don’t talk about it in case something goes wrong”. Well, what if it does go wrong? Society decrees that we present good news at 12 weeks as a done deal, and avoids mentioning the 20% or so that don’t get that far.

Bambamber · 02/03/2019 20:39

Oh and most Drs don't do tests to confirm the pregnancy anymore

Original poster
CerysBeizsley · 02/03/2019 20:39

When I was pregnant it would be confirmed at the doctors by the nurse regardless of whether home tests had been done

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 02/03/2019 20:40

Told immediate family after we did the test. They would all have been there to support us if we had a mc. Which we did in the first pregnancy. Didn't hesitate to tell the same people the next times too.

Didn't tell friends and work until a bit later.

Mc are a lot more common than we expect. Not telling people doesn't stop them happening. Having that support from family was invaluable.

But I wouldn't have wanted to have to explain what happened to work colleagues that I didn't see often. Would have been very hard.

NeverStopExploring · 02/03/2019 20:40

We told immediate family at 9 weeks as I had to inform work and it didn’t feel right to tell my boss before my mum. I would have preferred to wait until after the scan but needed to say earlier

StinkyCandle · 02/03/2019 20:43

The whole “don’t talk about it in case something goes wrong”. Well, what if it does go wrong?

then some of us do not want to discuss it, having to reply to questions about the pregnancy and much prefer to have some privacy! It's a good thing to be warned things are likely to go wrong before 12 weeks (even if there's no guarantee your baby will survive even after 12 weeks) and not to get too excited too fast.

On another note, in my part of England, no test or anything is every done at the surgery - the first medical thing to happen is a scan in hospital!

PandaSky · 02/03/2019 20:47

My doctors don't even want to see you, you just collect a pack from reception and go straight to midwife booking in.

As for telling, people can share their pregnancy whenever they want. There is no rule to say you have to wait until 12 weeks.

Personally I told people close to me pretty much the day I found out I was pregnant. But they were the same people that I would be calling on for support if I had a miscarriage.
I told work earlier than 12 weeks too because I was sick as a dog and kept needing time at home. It was such a huge relief I didn't have to 'hide' it anymore and I had a lot more support.

If someone wants to wait then that's fine, but I feel sad for those that do actually want to tell people but feel they can't because our culture suggests you shouldn't tell anyone at all.

Rtmhwales · 02/03/2019 20:53

I told everyone the day after I found out at 5 weeks or so. I was so surprised (was on the implant) it just came out.

TitsAndTomatoes · 02/03/2019 20:53

My parents at 5 weeks my siblings at 8 weeks, to keep it fair DH told his dad and siblings a day later. But no one else until about 16 weeks. I was going to wait until 12 but then just waited till i saw everyone at an event my mum organised at hers instead. That was close family and friends only. 2 colleagues were told at like the 8th week as i was constantly sick.
Didnt do any FB announcements as i only really wanted people who would see me IRL knowing.
Only announced birth on FB. About 80% of people didnt know i was expecting. I preferred keeping it private.
Id do the same thing if i were to have a second. Might even wait till im showing. Let people find out if they see me.

TitsAndTomatoes · 02/03/2019 20:55

Oh i forgot to add.
I told my best friend about 20 seconds after i told my husband lol. Test was still in my hand and i had to text her. Lol

Littleraindrop15 · 02/03/2019 21:01

I found out two days before my wedding and did a test as my sister suggested I should just in case.. Husband was told instantly and as both sides of my family were at my house in including friends who travelled for the wedding they found out 10mins later.

First pregnancy didn't know it wasn't normal til mumsnet..

Currently 33 weeks pregnant and dreading the labour

Treaclepie19 · 02/03/2019 21:04

@LessLivid I completely agree.

The problem with it being kept secret is that people who want the support if anything goes wrong won't get it.
I've had a miscarriage at 8+4 and a TFMR at 22+4 And I really needed support both times. I wouldn't go all out on social media but yes, I did tell my family early on both times as well as with my 3yo.

Chocolateheaven123 · 02/03/2019 21:06

First pregnancy, told both sets of parents and siblings after an early scan at 8 weeks.

This pregnancy, told my parents a few days before private scan at 8 weeks, as I was struggling with sickness, plus we had different illnesses in the house (including hand, foot and mouth). I felt awful and could barely cope so told my parents as I needed extra support. We told his parents when we saw a couple of weeks after 12 week scan.

Extended family bwere told after 12 week scan.

spicygirl26 · 02/03/2019 21:09

We always told our friends and family immediately

tor8181 · 02/03/2019 21:16

as both kids shouldn't technically be here as i was told i was infertile as ive got severe PCOS and never had any periods to actually get pregnant was amazing even though both pregnancys was planned

1st i caught naturally and only found out at 6 weeks as severe morning sickness kicked in.

but 2nd took 4 years of fertility tablets and fortnightly scans and pregnancy tests every 2 weeks when i did find out at 2 and half weeks everyone knew

TheCraicDealer · 02/03/2019 21:30

I found out v early this time- told DTwin and my DMum immediately after getting a positive test. Before DH actually, he was working away for another few days and I wanted to tell him face to face. Mum had got a start date for chemo etc that day so it seemed like a good time give her some positive news. I'm 10.5w atm and my close friends and colleagues know now, I've told them gradually.

I had an early loss last year and the amount of people who said "us too" when I told them was really surprising. The people I have told are the people who I would want or need support from if things don't work out.

Stormwhale · 02/03/2019 21:34

First time round I was 23 years old, the pregnancy was a shock and I needed support. I told my family at 4 weeks.

This time baby is planned, I'm nearly 30, married, very different situation. We told our families after an early scan at about 8 weeks which showed a heartbeat. Everyone else a few weeks later.

Skyejuly · 02/03/2019 21:36

DC 1, 17weeks
Dc2, 6 weeks
Dc3, 13 weeks
Dd4, 34 weeks

So a mix!

Windowsareforcheaters · 02/03/2019 21:37

I had pregnancy symptoms from about 5 minutes after conception.

I felt sick, tired, sore and emotional. I needed all the help and support I could get.

I resented people who looked down on me for telling people early. It felt like I had failed some test. I just needed help and support.

RoseGoldEagle · 02/03/2019 21:39

I told couple of people at around 5 weeks- I knew I’d have told these people if anything had gone wrong (which it did the first time), so I was glad I’d told them. Everyone else after the 12 week scan. I didn’t feel any shame over my miscarriage, but really wouldn’t have wanted to talk about it to many people, so holding off telling people for me was just trying to protect myself against that.

Floralnomad · 02/03/2019 21:42

My mum and sister knew as soon as I knew as I was throwing up all day from 2/3 weeks and needed them to help out more with our horses .

Purpleartichoke · 02/03/2019 21:46

We had a prearranged visit around 8!weeks. We wanted to tell them in person, plus I had hyperemesis do hiding it was not an option. They would have thought I was dying.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 02/03/2019 21:48

I had to tell my family very early I was pregnant. I spent most of my pregnancy in hospital and needed the support.

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