To ask how long you waited before telling your family you were pregnant?

[CerysBeizsley]

I waited until after my 12 week scan to tell everyone.

My brothers gf has announced she is pregnant- she found out this morning and is only a couple of weeks pregnant.

We are all thrilled as a family but other members of my family are already making comments about why she’d be telling us ‘so early’ and the fact that it’s a home pregnancy test as opposed to one ‘done at the doctors’.

Don’t get me wrong we are all very excited but got me wondering if this was the norm now of if anyone still waits until the 12 week scan?

I told my DP, mum and best friend while the pee was still wet! Everyone else was after 12-week scan.

@LessLivid I fully agree with you!

We told our parents at 9 weeks after a private scan as it was Xmas eve and we wanted to wait and surprise them. Told the rest of the family and friends at 12 weeks. Now 19 weeks and haven't publicly announced on social media and haven't got a bump so it's all still a little under wraps!

I told my mum and sister, DH told his parents at 5 weeks. When I had my MC the people we needed were there for us.

I hate the 12 week thing. It inadvertently perpetuates a culture of silence and shame around miscarriage which helps nobody, certainly not women going through the most awful experience of their lives.

I'm sorry for your losses. Although this may represent your feelings, for me, I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew that my parents would find it harder than I would if I miscarried and I would rather deal with it myself than have to talk to anyone about it. Not everyone chooses silence because of shame, some just prefer privacy.

We told our parents as soon as we found out because where I worked they had to be told I was pregnant because there were certain areas where it would have been too dangerous for me to work.

We really didn't want to especially after six miscarriages, and I think I would have left it until after the 12 week scan otherwise. But that's me.

I hate the 12 weeks thing.

There is nothing magical about 12 weeks that means you can’t have a miscarriage. Nor 13,14,15....not 20. A viability scan doesn’t mean you can’t have a miscarriage, a heartbeat doesn’t mean you can’t have a miscarriage, no test or anomaly scan mean you can’t have a miscarriage.

Not to be too blunt, but the only thing that means you can’t have a miscarriage is getting to 24 completed weeks with a living baby, and that is because after that it is called a stillbirth.

I told my family at 8 weeks and I told them at 25 weeks and various points in between and the only person who gets to choose the right time for that particular pregnancy and family is the pregnant woman.

I told some of my family at 7 weeks, and others after my 12 week scan, if I'm ever lucky enough to have another baby I'd tell my family straight away xx

Families at 14 weeks. I had a high risk first trimester and couldn't bear people trying to be "helpful" if I lost the baby.

Personally I'd tell my mum and sisters as I was peeing on the stick! My in laws I'd probably tell at 3 months

What ChanklyBore said.
Having had friends & family members miscarry between 15 & 20 weeks.

About 22 weeks

We did pregnancy test, decided to wait till scan to tell others. Then drove straight to parents/siblings and told them all that day!

I would have told them if I had a miscarriage so no sense in waiting.

Personal decision, no right or wrong.

I have 12 wk scan on Monday, if all ok I’m telling my parents next weekend in person. We’ll tell DH’s around same time too. Close friends after that and work colleagues.
I have only told my chiropractor, GP/midwife, private clinic where I had NIPT, my director and stable owner so far.

Dc1, both sets of parents and our sisters between 6-8 weeks. Work and other family at 13 weeks.

Dc2, one sister at 9 weeks, my parents at 12 weeks after scan. His sister at 15 weeks and his parents at 17 weeks. My direct line manager at 8 weeks as it was relevant. I never actually told my colleagues. It just got to the stage where everyone stopped pretending that they didn't know I suppose...

Agree that it’s a personal decision.

I told my DH when I took the test (at 4 weeks) and my dad at 10 weeks only due to the fact I had a huge bleed and DH was at work so I needed someone to take me to the scan.

I wish I had told him under better circumstances. Baby was fine and told our eldest DD(6) and then PIL the next day.

Sorry - I told work at 19 weeks.

I hate the 12 week thing. It inadvertently perpetuates a culture of silence and shame around miscarriage which helps nobody, certainly not women going through the most awful experience of their lives.

The other side to that is that some of us prefer to choose if and with whom we would discuss a miscarriage, depending on how we might feel; I waited 12 weeks or more for that reason - I could choose if I discussed it and with whom, rather than having to tell/discuss it with everyone in my family etc.

It could actually make it worse to have to talk about it and get the sympathy and commiseration (no matter who well meant) from everyone you told if you don't feel like doing that.

I told my parents as soon as I found out both times. The first I miscarried so never got to tell everyone else, just told some people I'd miscarried for support (about a month after the fact). The second I told certain people after the 12-week scan but generally kept it quiet because I was scared I'd miscarry again. Fortunately I didn't.

Most women - here- have to wait for the 1st scan to confirm pregnancy and if baby is alive and well so far . 12 weeks is not a magic number, but it's a practical one in that aspect.

There's also a higher percentage of miscarriage in the 1st trimester.

Not sure what shame has to do with any of that, but it does make all mothers aware of the risks. If the NHS doesn't want to waste money on early scans, there's a practical reason.

I am not saying I agree with the way mothers are treated in this country btw, but that's another thread entirely.

My husband can't keep good news secret - if I told him, I'd have to accept he wouldn't be able to resist telling his family. I didn't think it was fair to tell his family and not mine, so we told close family pretty much straight away.

Luckily they would all have been supportive if it hadn't worked out - both my DM and MIL have had miscarriage/stillbirth so I'd have wanted their support either way.

12 weeks is not particularly practical. The dating scan is generally offered at between 8-14 weeks. There is nothing about 12 weeks in that scenario. Nor does 12 weeks mark any transition - the second trimester begins at 13 weeks.

Is there an element of twelve weeks being a vague term for waiting a few weeks after finding out to share?

DH and I are TTC at the moment and have discussed who we would tell and when.

I want to tell my SIL (married to DH's brother) pretty much straight away as she has been there for me every month while trying (and she would probably guess anyway if I didn't tell her AF had arrived!
She (and BIL would also be the ones we would want to know should anything happen early on)

Then tell the rest of the immediate family around 10-12 weeks. This is because FIL cannot keep anything quiet and will tell all and sundry the good news.

Then friends 12 weeks onwards.

Told my mum at 11 weeks ish. Hadn’t planned to though. Told everyone else after the 20 week scan. No one had guessed.