Teachers said my DD didn't have enough to eat

[StoppinBy]

First off I think I am BU at how much I let this upset me for personal reasons but I am seeking clarification on whether I actually do send her enough.

When I picked up DD6 the teacher in charge at the time said to me that one of DD's teachers had said that I wasn't sending enough for her to eat, yesterday she had :

A vegemite sandwich, two cherry tomatoes, an apple, a chunk of cheese cut off the block and a big handful of nuts, she brought home a cherry tomato, some of her crust and some of her nuts .

The reasoning behind saying she didn't have enough food was that she had eaten her sandwich and a tomato and her cheese at 'snack time' - 11am and then had her nuts and apple at lunch - 1pm. Apparently she often does this.

We usually have lunch at 11:30 - 12 at home to fit around DS's naps so personally I can't see the issue with how she ate and I feel that if she was actually hungry that she would eat everything in her lunch box but she regularly brings stuff home.

AIBU to think that she does have enough food and that the teachers are actually wrong or do most kids eat more than that?

@maths, please accept you are wrong and move on. Today my DD took, a small piece of Kabana, some cheese, chicken and mayo sandwich (which she often takes but like I said we ran out of sandwich meat and she chose vegemite the other day), two cherry toms a pear and nuts.

She brought home her whole pack of nuts, half her sandwich and her cheese with a bite taken out of it.

Pretty sure she's doing ok.

Op how could your dd bring back all that at 7am in the morning

The teachers will have noted it as a safeguarding issue. They probably think you don’t feed her breakfast. They will have also noted your weird combative attitude towards it when they spoke to you rather than you just adding in extra snack food or reassuring them.

@Redskyandrainbows67 she’s in Australia!! It’s not 7 o clock in the morning there!🤦‍♀️

You still should have sent her with an array if items incase she didnt fancy any of that

The mistake you made, StoppinBy is to ask lots of internet strangers whether they thought your dd had enough to eat. For a start, nobody can tell from your description as it depends on quantity/size of items described; and secondly, if a teacher who saw the lunch thought it might not be enough, why would you prefer the opinion of strangers who saw nothing and don't know you? You also said you had a type of eating disorder when you were younger - again, why would that incline strangers to think you are right and the teacher is wrong, when you have admitted you are not confident of geting it right in this area?

Thankfully, you spoke to the only people who could help clarify this for you: the teachers... so hopefully you can relax about this now and not listen to internet randoms telling you that you are starving your children.

Ah that would explain why she doesn’t get the free fruit for snack too!

I would ask your dd if she wants more food. My children would not be happy with that amount of food. But they are always the hungry type (slim and fast metabolisms). However, when I was growing up, at school I was never hungry (anxiety I think) so I only ate half a sandwich with a juice box (skipped breakfast and no snacks). I would then eat a full meal when I came home from school. But the teachers never looked at what we were eating really. We were sat down for lunch and teachers went away to have their lunch. Volunteers would walk around the lunch room. If your dd is happy with the food, that is what is important.

Forgot to add, that I was the one making my own lunches because I made my half sandwich with one slice of lunch meat, where as my mom liked to stuff it with several lunch meat slices, which I did not like! lol

I think her lunch/snack sounds fine. I'd maybe work on a breakfast that keeps her full for longer. I don't really find that porridge fits the bill, I always feel hungrier on that than anything else. Would she have toast and egg or some protein of some kind? Cheese on toast maybe?

Stoppinby! You must listen to all these posters who haven't read the thread and immediately start sending your DD in with an entire hamper of food for her to choose from, as the obvious problem is that she is not choosing food that she likes for herself! The time between her packing her own lunch and having to eat it is clearly pushing her into a different dimensions where she no longer likes the foods she chose herself!
A hamper is the only feasible option at this stage.
Why won't you do her a hamper??? Won't you think of your child???

@thumbs - thanks for bringing the humour to the thread - ok, if that will make everyone happy I shall send her in with a basket full of food.
In fact as we live right behind the school I shall just have her come to the fence at lunch and call out to me what she would like me to bring her before rushing it over for her ASAP, much, much simpler than having her just help to pack her lunch every morning.

It’s fine. No wonder so many obese kids. Would they be happier if you chucked in a bag of crisps and a doughnut?

do you not have a ruling of no nuts to protect the children with nut allergies?

Where are you op?
We are forbidden from sending nuts in to school.

Why not just send more food? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your daughter seemed to have nothing substantial to each for lunch - good for them for checking in with you. What on earth is the big deal just add a sandwich extra to make sure she can eat at lunchtime. I would not feel happy with a child who only had a snack to eat when everyone was eating lunch as that is then a long afternoon for them if they ate thier lunch at 1130

She has only had an apple and some nuts for her lunch.

But she had her "lunch food" at break time and her "snack" food at lunch time. All she's done is switched them around, I don't see how that should make her more hungry than if it were the other way

But she had her "lunch food" at break time and her "snack" food at lunch time. All she's done is switched them around, I don't see how that should make her more hungry than if it were the other way

It's not even that uncommon. If Kids have clubs at lunch time they dont have time to queue or faff about finding a seat . Or waiting till its their class sitting. Easier to eat the lunch at break and you can wolf down some fruit or nuts on the way to the sports hall..

That sounds like a perfectly good lunch and snack for a 6yo to me.

At my DC's school they are only allowed a piece of fruit or veg for their snack, which they bring from home as part of their packed lunch.

A typical day for my 7yo DD would be:

Peanut butter sandwich
Cucumber sticks
Cheese
Few dried apricots
Apple

or

Cheese wrap
Few cherry tomatoes
Small bag of savoury crackers
Little box of raisins
Tangerine

She usually eats her crusts and her cucumber/tomatoes when she gets home.

I'm sure if your daughter was hungry she would eat everything she was given rather than leaving bits. I would maybe have a chat with the teacher who thought your DD didn't have enough to eat and see where she was coming from.

My DD does eat a bit more at breakfast time though - my DC love breakfast (and have plenty of time as they get up soooo early...). They usually have plain full fat yoghurt with fruit and honey followed by toast and Marmite. Their breaktime is at 10 and they probably finish breakfast at half 7.

You really are refusing to consider sending an extra sandwich, I see.

@mathanxiety and you really are refusing to see there is no issue, I see!

So it HAS to be another sandwich? Why when OP has said she gave six items and two were returned do you think an issue is present?

@StoppinBy: From my experience (too many years teaching in Australian schools), I can guarantee you will not hear anything else from the school. Schools in which I taught, when children didn't have any lunch, they were sent to the office where a TA made them a peanut butter or vegemite sandwich. It was only if a child repeatedly had no lunch that further steps were taken.

As I said earlier, the teacher expressed herself poorly: ignore it. I must admit, I used to sometimes feel like a fake. I was an expert in a specific area and had specialist training in it. Parents would ask my advice, and hangoff my "my profound pronouncements" and tell me that their elder child got into a selective high school because of my advice. I used to think that, sadly, they were depending on a rather broken reed ie ME. However, I was a bit older by this time and didn't take myself too seriously.

Anyway, the amount of food your daughter had was more than adequate. She is training herself to eat when she is hungry, not to a pre-set schedule. It took me until well into adulthood to listen properly to my body and eat when I wanted to.

By the way, is the teacher young/inexperienced? It was probably mentioned but I didn't see it. Additionally, do they still have "super grads?" they used to think they knew everything about, well, everything.

@Marcus, when I spoke to the teacher yesterday she said it was one of the TA who had mentioned it, she is quite young, I am not sure on her level of experience to be honest.

The actual teacher who told me is not either young or old but has probably been a teacher for around 10 years but she had not seen what was in my DD's lunch and was simply passing the information along on Friday.

@maths and it looks like you are failing to see that there is actually no issue and through a simple miscommunication it was blown out of proportion, to be fair you are being a complete knob - my DD brought home half her sandwich yesterday - could you kindly explain why I should send her another one on top of the one she already had?

To relieve your mathanxiety here is todays before and after so pretty much the same lunch as yesterday plus and third Tomato, today all her crusts and most of her nuts and some cheese bits came home. Please explain again how I need to send an extra sandwich just to keep the teacher happy.

Looks fine

howwillwedeal
'Six items' includes two cherry tomatoes, which last time I looked are about the size of a thumbnail.

StoppinBy
could you kindly explain why I should send her another one on top of the one she already had?
Would this kill you?
What point are you trying to prove here?

Could you at least send the sandwich with the crusts cut off so she would have a chance of eating a decent amount of a sandwich and not have to bite around the crust, leaving large parts of the sandwich uneaten?

You send food she doesn't want to eat (crusts) and use the fact that it gets brought home as proof she isn't hungry or wouldn't eat more if she was presented with food that she liked.

Saying she helps with packing so she gets what she herself wants doesn't explain the fact that her crusts are never eaten or that she leaves nuts uneaten.