Teachers said my DD didn't have enough to eat

[StoppinBy]

First off I think I am BU at how much I let this upset me for personal reasons but I am seeking clarification on whether I actually do send her enough.

When I picked up DD6 the teacher in charge at the time said to me that one of DD's teachers had said that I wasn't sending enough for her to eat, yesterday she had :

A vegemite sandwich, two cherry tomatoes, an apple, a chunk of cheese cut off the block and a big handful of nuts, she brought home a cherry tomato, some of her crust and some of her nuts .

The reasoning behind saying she didn't have enough food was that she had eaten her sandwich and a tomato and her cheese at 'snack time' - 11am and then had her nuts and apple at lunch - 1pm. Apparently she often does this.

We usually have lunch at 11:30 - 12 at home to fit around DS's naps so personally I can't see the issue with how she ate and I feel that if she was actually hungry that she would eat everything in her lunch box but she regularly brings stuff home.

AIBU to think that she does have enough food and that the teachers are actually wrong or do most kids eat more than that?

Or hes being a 2 yr old.

I used to have to stop mine from eating pet food as a baby/toddler.

Even after food and milk.

1, vegemite has zero nutritional value except Vitamin B and a ton of salt. Give her something substantial like turkey and tomato.

2, you assume that because your DD doesn't say she's hungry that therefore she isn't (which then suggests, why not just ask her and prove the teacher right or wrong?). When I was a teen my family would give me sandwiches of nasty cheap luncheon meat or cheap chocolate spread. I was convinced they were "manky" and would throw them away at school (not suggesting your DD is doing this BTW) then come home and raid the biscuit tin. My family would then ask me, are we giving you enough lunch. Yes, I would say, convinced I would be punished if they knew I was throwing food away.

Kids can be odd and paradoxically your DD could still be hungry even though she's leaving crusts and tomatoes in her lunchbox - she might not want a tomato whose skin is probably curling up after a full day in a sweaty lunchbox in the Australian heat.

3, For all those PPs recounting how they/their DC had enormous breakfasts/light lunches/whatever, the body's metabolism is meant to work in a certain way. It's not a case of "so long as you eat enough over the course of the day". If I fed any one of you a whole day's worth of food - breakfast, lunch and dinner - at 8 o'clock in the morning, you'd still feel hungry by nighttime despite already having eaten dinner. If a child eats their lunch at 11am they may well be hungry by the last lesson of the day.

TBH I think that a child eating breakfast at 8, should not have to wait six hours for lunch. I think your daughter is doing fine, carry on. What's the point in giving more food, if she's not finishing the current amount?

@Kneehigim that's massively OTT, the child is bringing back food so I don't think she's starving.

Don't worry about the teachers keeping an eye on the children's food, it's part of their job. I work lunchtimes and occasionally have to flag stuff like this. It's my duty of care. Half the time things are fine after all but some parents need a nudge in the right direction. When they get to about 11, kids seem to naturally just want to reject packed lunches for some reason. Part of growing up?

The OP's question is:
AIBU to think that she does have enough food and that the teachers are actually wrong or do most kids eat more than that?
Imo, YABU.
Most kids would eat more than that. You at least need to put a second sandwich in to see for yourself if she would eat more than the one you are giving her. That way she could have one for snack and one at lunch if she felt like it. And you would get the teacher off your back. This would solve your issue with teachers or anyone watching your child eat as well.

You are insisting on controlling her options and you have not said that you will ask her if she is hungry, or send more food as a trial. You cannot assume she has enough because some is coming home - it might be that she doesn't like what you have sent or that the condition of the(tiny) tomatoes has deteriorated.
The insistence on controlling options is ringing bells for me with my own experience as a child in the back of my mind.

StoppingBy, did you ever get any therapy or counseling for your problem?

grinningcheshirecat
You can't tell if the child is self regulating until you send extra sandwiches to the point where whole sandwiches are coming home uneaten. At that point you will know how many sandwiches she needs and is capable of eating (and you can 'round up' if a half sandwich comes home so that she has the option of eating more if she feels like it one day).

The teacher will see that the child ate, for instance, two and a half sandwiches. I doubt any teacher would insist she finished that third sandwich, and if she did then the OP would have grounds for a complaint. She doesn't have grounds now.

Children don't get overweight from eating too much healthy lunch and snack foods. It's sugar and fats in excess plus lack of exercise/sedentary lifestyle that makes children and adults overweight.

I agree with Bluntness - there are two hungry children here.
Children don't save school food for home unless they know that nothing will be offered as a snack when they return from school.

We also know that we can NOT ban nuts in our school - we can ask people not send them in, we can even strongly advise them not to send them in but we cannot strictly ban them.

I don't think this is right. Nuts are banned at our NSW school so I Googled. From the Education NSW website: 'A blanket ban on peanuts, tree nuts and nut products within the school is not required but may be agreed to by a school and its community. If a school does decide to ban peanuts, tree nuts or nut products it should nevertheless not claim to be "peanut or nut free". Such a claim could not reliably be made and, if made, may lead to a false sense of security about exposure to peanuts and tree nuts.'

If she's eating at break time..instead of playing with friends! then she's not having a substantial/filling breakfast. That's why she's hungry so early.

& I bet that's what the teachers are noting too.

A vegemite sandwich doesn't sound very filling. Even a bit of salad In there would be better if you don't eat meat, or falafel, halloumi, something like that. I'd add a pancake/banana into the lunchbox for break time, and give the toddler one while you're at it.

@maths, actually I have repeatedly said I HAVE asked my daughter, the teacher herself asked my daughter and every time the answer has been No - read through the damn comments, how many more times would you like me to say it???? Could you please explain to me how her options are being controlled when again repeatedly I have said that she helps to choose her lunch and pack it every morning?

I will not justify your comment about them both eating the crusts after school with an answer, if you want one then you may read through my previous comments.

My children are not starving at all, my son on a regular day has breakfast, (School drop off), BF, nap, Snack, Lunch, BF, nap, Snack(school pick up), scabby crusts if my DD has any left, snack, dinner, BF and bed.

He will also scab through one of his Grandma's bags the minute she walks in...... because she keeps Freddo's in there for the kids.

He has always been a gorgeous chubby bubby and my DD has always been of average size, she has been in kinder for one year, then prep last year at the same school and now is in grade 1 with different teachers, until now nothing has been said.

I respect that the teachers should query things that worry them as it is better to pick up a non issue than ignore an actual issue.

I started this thread assuming that people would chip in what there children ate on a usual day, thank you to the people that have done so.

I think the point there, Penelope, is that it has to be agreed to by the school and the community. So if you get diehards who refuse to agree to it, then there's no ban in place.
The Principal and school exec have said that we can't ban nuts outright - I'm not just making it up.

I don’t think it sounds like anything like enough
If she’s eating her sandwich at snack I’d send in two so she’s got one for lunch too
Plus I’d add something like a flapjack or crackers

Here is the most recent photo of my children taken about two weeks ago - my DD likes to race ahead and pretend to be asleep so my DS can sneak up and 'scare' her. DD in school sports uniform.

She has just gone 6 two weeks ago and my DS is 2 in May.

Clearly they are both starving hungry and have fallen asleep on the pavement through sheer exhaustion

I hate to think what they would say about my child. His lunch box daily consists of 2 slices of white bread crust removed nothing on it, salt and vinegar squares crisp a small pack of giant buttons and a 10p pack of haribo. His snack is 6 rich tea biscuits. Before any one judges he is diagnosed with avoidance restrictive food intake disorder and suspected autism. He eats 9 items these are all that can go in his lunch box and often leaves some thing.

Our school does not discourage sending nuts, I spoke to them before I ever sent any in last year. Same with our kinder.

Oh and his beaker of milk which has ice block keeping it cold

Tbf my toddler loves a rootle through any handbag left within his reach in the hope of a snack or stray toy.

Stoppinby - just to reassure you that I wasn't in any way suggesting you were doing anything wrong sending in nuts with your child.

There is very little protein in the breakfast, snack and lunch foods you described. Protein tends to be quite filling.

A bowl of porridge made with 50g oats and 100ml milk has around 9g of protein. A 3 stone 6-year-old needs around 25g of protein a day, so a breakfast that provides more than 1/3 of that seems quite a suitable amount of protein. Is there something I'm missing?

A vegemite sandwich is nothing unless you're getting bread from bakers delight or something and it's big slices. It's literally salt and B vitamins.

My DD 3 gets...

Wrap with ham/chicken , cheese, spinach ( done on a sandwich toaster) cut into triangles.

She gets

• three cherry/plum tomatoes

-3 slices of cucumbers

• half a small carrot cut into sticks
• 3/4 slices of red/yellow peppers.
• half an easy peeler (we get fun size ones)
• 4 grapes (cut in half because she likes them so I make the portion seem bigger)
• and 2 slices of mango (fresh mango)

And she has water.

She usually ploughs through lunch and when I pick her up at 3 she is usually asking for a snack.

At breakfast she has porridge with fruit in the mornings. I then scramble or boil an egg and she shares that with her brother.... they both usually get half an Apple divided between them.

... and of course mid mornings she has a snack usually a fruit or digestive or if I've baked she gets a cookie. This takes her through to lunch at 12:30pm... they are both up at 6/7am. They get an afternoon snack at 4... dinner at 7. They are always hungry 😐.

I think YABU. At least try more food and see if she eats more.

I would make the filling of the sandwich more substantial. As others have said, vegemite is not filling or nutritious. Give her two sandwiches. It’s a healthy lunch, maybe she just needs more of it.

Oh no you sent a Vegemite sandwich!!! Don't you know if you didn't add a chunk of cheese bit sliced it in the bread you would have only got half the judgy comments. 😉 My kids typically have sandwich or wrap (hoummus, ham, falafel), piece of fruit and a biscuit/cake or bag of crisps. Of one of them is going through a hungry phase they get one more thing. - they.usually comment how little time there is to eat so have to rush. Mine also start the day with porridge or egg or cereal. Then have snack immediately after school then tea then a small supper if they do an activity. - when I was at school lunch was at 1pm so I always ate my lunch at break.

This is almost exactly the same packed lunch/breaktime snack as my 14yo has. In addition to what your DD has, mine has more salad bits (carrot sticks, slices of red pepper etc), a handful of twiglets and a square of chocolate.

About once every 3 or 4 weeks, she also buys a slice of pizza at breaktime.

Wouldn't be enough for my 6yo (if I've read age correctly). Would also add in a yogurt, flapjack, fruit if allowed

Teachers can't win can they?

I really hope that teachers, who are in loco parentis of children all day, WOULD notice and look out to check that a child was getting enough food in the day> How odd if they didn't consider it their business.

Your daughter seemed to have nothing substantial to each for lunch - good for them for checking in with you.

What on earth is the big deal just add a sandwich extra to make sure she can eat at lunchtime. I would not feel happy with a child who only had a snack to eat when everyone was eating lunch as that is then a long afternoon for them if they ate thier lunch at 1130