Do you let your DC do this?

[jcmayj]

If at the dinner table or out for a meal with family, do you let your DC watch things/play on their tablets whilst you eat?

We don't let our kids have anything but colouring and books when in a restaurant - mainly because they don't want their ipads anyway. They are far too stimulated from being out that it make no difference at all. We choose 'family' restaurants. Eat early (about 11.45 for lunch - before it's busy and before the kids are hangry). know our order before we get there. Order immediately and use our 15 mins 'grace' period to make inane observations and conversation with the kids before they get bored. Hope to fuck the food arrives by the time their goodwill has expired. (Never eat in France again.) DH eats his food whilst it's scalding his lips and I sort out the cutting and feeding. Clean up spillages by inevitable drink and plate being knocked over. Apologise to waitstaff. Order the bill. Kids and dh finish and while I am eating dh tries to entertain them, herds them to the loo and get their coats on and load them into buggies to the door. I finish and pay the bill. Leave a big tip and apologise profusely while clearing up the food on the floor. Leave while being glared at by other diners. Get outside and say to dh 'well that wasn't too bad'.

At home we used to let the 2 oldest self restricted eaters watch ipads because it was the only way we could sneak food into their mouths without them noticing. Now I have gone thru the pain barrier and spent 4 months of screaming and smashing of furniture to get them to only watch Netflix while they eat. Next step will be no tv.

It's a work in progress but eating out is not 'enjoyable' and it's something we do for learning more than pleasure purposes.

Absolutely agree with totopoly. Total kazy parenting planting children in front of screens, how are they supposed to learn good manners, the art of conversation & how to socialise?! Too many parents view their children as a nuisance instead of actually enjoying their company.

Just think: WWYD if restaurants hadn't been invented?

I interact with ds while he is on the iPad. It doesn’t have to be a solidarity thing, certainly more likely to be something you can do together than a child having their head stuck in a book which society would deem a good thing!

By using the iPad to make ds feel comfy going out at his safe places he now rarely needs it but having in there means he can access what the rest of us take for granted

Our 4 yo has very little interest in eating and has to be majorly incentivised to sit down and eat. Screen time is the only way I can get breakfast into him otherwise he ends up majorly hangry. I dream of being able to get him to sit on his chair and just eat his meal. But I can't. I've tried. And tried. So we do what we need to. Tonight's meal was spent with me reminding him again and again and again to sit at the table and ended with him playing at being a shark and eating his dinner in a variety of places. It was either that or a mealtime battle which sadly never ends well. Now feel a bit like a failure after reading this thread

Use them sometimes but only really have 1 and have 3 preschoolers and a 6 yr old so the child who is losing it at the table and ruining our meal and stressing out nearby people gets the phone to switch off for a bit and give us all a break.

At home never allow this. I wore great big judgmental pants before my own child was diagnosed with ADHD, it’s better for neighboring diners that she is occupied. Therefore whilst waiting for food, yes she uses my phone, sorry if that offends, however I really don’t exist to please everyone.

If we sit up to the table at home there are no iPads and we chat.
If we go out for a meal there are no iPads but I'll take a few bits and bobs like drawing or a mini jigsaw as he does still get restless.
The only exception would be the if the meal was taking a very long time and he was getting restless and annoying other diners. I think I'd take him out for a walk or put him on my phone for a bit rather than ruin people's meals.
He's six by the way.

Seline, The point is times change. If something isn't harmful why remain with a more difficult way of doing things

Completely agree - but the fact is that screens are arguably harmful to small children's development. Meals, perhaps more than anything else, are times when parents can enhance their children's social development. I agree it would be easier to 'shut them up' with screens. But I still believe this would be harmful overall.

Haggismuncher, it's all very well saying that you have tried and tried. But if you didn't have screens, you'd have to try again. And again. And you would get there in the end.

It must be hard for some on here being such perfect parents to perfect children

but the fact is that screens are arguably harmful to small children's development. Meals, perhaps more than anything else, are times when parents can enhance their children's social development. I agree it would be easier to 'shut them up' with screens. But I still believe this would be harmful overall.

But how is it any different to any other form of distraction? If your argument is no distractions at meals that's one thing but some distractions are superior to others is a strange argument

We take a bag with small toys (transformers rescue bots), stickers, colouring and magic painting. Most of the time this is enough.
If it is a very long meal he’d be allowed iPad with headphones or one of our phones afterwards if he was finished but unable to leave the table and we were lingering.

Seline, I'm not arguing that one form of distraction is superior to another. I'm saying that the types of distraction I used in restaurants when mine were little required parental input (colouring, games, stories, etc), unlike sticking a small child in front of a screen. We obviously didn't expect toddlers to 'make conversation' as such. But we did expect meals out (which weren't fancy - Pizza Express was as fancy as it got) to be pleasant and sociable occasions, not occasions which involved individual members of the family buried in their own little universe. If DH had sat there reading a newspaper or a book, say, while I occupied the DC, I'd have thought that was just as bad as having a DC looking at a screen.

No but if it's a 3 course meal where the adults are taking 1 hour + then I can see why screens might make an appearance. The

No, and I move away from people who allow it as I don't want to hear Peppa Pig whilst eating my meal. I was honestly shocked by how many children I saw watching their iPads at the meal table when on holiday last year. Lazy parenting in my opinion. Talk to and engage your children.

Once on holiday where dinner was included in the pakage and by the 4th night of being in the same restaurant they were bored shitless and every other mid in the place had them and they felt it was very unfair they didn't as a general rule no they are never allowed to watch things at the table even at home.

I used to love it as a kid going to restaurants and getting those free colouring sheets and crayons! I don't see it as often now but I enjoyed that as a child whilst waiting for food

Yeah. 11yo DGS, only child, would be thrilled to be given crayons to occupy himself while the adults chatted

Seriously!! Who gives a FUCK!??!! If it’s too loud yes...ok...I understand. But essentially who gives an utter FUCK what another parent chooses to do in a restaurant with their child!! Autistic or not!!! My boy isn’t autistic but can get rowdy in a restaurant, if want to give him my phone for 5mins I should be able to do it(as should everyone else) without others basing my whole fucking parenting ability on what they see in that space of time!! And should we be putting signs on the kids heads to let Everyone know whether they are autistic or not, so that they can form a “better” judgement!! All those righteous/judgemental ppl stating “oh no NEVER” ...bully for you!! Most days my kids don’t watch anything (we don’t even have a tv!!) but if I want to give them an iPad/phone for 5mins while I read a menu in peace then I will!! I do not care what anyone thinks!!

Seline A meal out with family is meant to be a sociable family occasion not just eating. It's a bit sad if it is just about eating and not the sociable element. I've already said that for myself it's not cut and dried re the "no iPad" rule but it should ideally be as a last resort not the first resort and only really if it's because the DCs are fed up and starting to whine/bother other diners rather than for my own convenience.

It's really nice when you can sit around a table in a restaurant with your DCs and chat, but the earlier on you can get them used to that the better it is. It's good to give them the opportunity to join in properly with the family occasion. By giving them the iPad early on and for the duration of the meal, it's limiting their opportunity for interaction and learning to behave in a public setting.

@goldengummybear But why would you take small children to this kind of meal? I wouldn't have taken mine to this kind of thing when they were small, because lengthy meals aren't suitable for small children. It's true that event sometimes take over, and service can be unaccountably slow. But you just have to work harder as a parent (and one of mine has additional needs, so I know how hard it can be). There is plenty of time to have lengthy adult meals when the DC are older and are either invited to attend as civilised, communicative, well mannered young people who know how to behave without staring at screens, or are old enough to be left at home if they are not invited/don't want to attend.

Youmadorwhat I think your post highlights the division between people who try to teach their children to communicate effectively and those who don't.

Or maybe people just have different approaches to you to doing it? Just because what you do works for your family doesn’t mean it works for everyone.

Having the iPad with us helps ds communicate with us massively. And it means he is actually able to go out.

There again I focus on him and not judging what others around us are doing

@Totopoly im not following?! I think my post highlights the fact that you cannot assume when you see a child with an iPad in a restaurant that “that is how they do it ALL the time” or assume that the parent is a crap parent because of it! I spend all my time playing and talking with my children. I take toys and colours to restaurants. I also “sometimes” give my son my phone for a few minutes before the food comes. I think we should be able to do that without being judged!!

No.

No at home.

Yes when out for younger ones. They have to endure a long boring meal where they have to stay at the table. And behave. My goodness I’d never be able to have a meal out without the iPad! I mean, like never.

I do ask that the sound is very low. And Ipad only allowed after they have eaten, and had a bit of a go at socializing. The whole point is that everyone is happy. Kids happy. Adults happy conversing and not having to pay their whole undivided attention on a child the whole time. Other diners happy.