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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To attend Baby shower

26 replies

SarahFreeman1 · 01/03/2019 15:28

Hi ladies this is my first post and I really don’t know what to do. My niece is 6 months pregnant and planning a baby shower next month which I am invited to.

The thing is I really don’t like the idea of baby showers - I think they’re yet another Americanised idea which is unnecessary and OTT. My niece has joked about doing this as a great way to get extra gifts for her and her unborn baby, I find it all a bit tacky.

I’m more than happy to get her a gift as well as when the baby is born so it’s not about that, I just feel I would be hypocritical attending when I seem to dislike the idea of baby showers so much.

Would it be better to politely decline and give her a gift or should I just put my personal feelings to one side and go and pretend to enjoy myself?

OP posts:
GrubbyHipsterBeard · 01/03/2019 15:29

If you are close to her don’t mind going too much then go to save her feelings. I don’t like them either but usually go along.

The gifts comment is Hmm though

Confusedbeetle · 01/03/2019 15:30

There is no way I would go to a baby shower even if it was my daughters. Wait until the baby has safely arrived and then get a gift. Tell her you feel it tempts fate. You only play stupid games and give presents sheesh

Leeds2 · 01/03/2019 15:31

I would go, not take a gift and then buy something for baby when it is born.

siestakey · 01/03/2019 15:31

I wouldn't go, I think they're grabby and very OTT (same as gender reveals) plus they must make family members/friends who are finding it hard to conceive/dealing with loss feel awfulSad you never know what people are going through.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 01/03/2019 15:33

I don't go to baby showers as a general rule, I went to one that was a family member about five years ago because I couldn't get out of it, and they made me do that awful game with the nappies and stuff in it and it was beyond cringey. Since then I've not been to one. The ones I'm invited to always seem to be like hen nights for mums-to-be and I just shudder at the thought. I politely decline when I'm invited to one, you don't have to give a reason if you don't want to, and I always do gifts for mum and little one once the baby is safely here.

Troels · 01/03/2019 15:35

You might want to remind her that in US tradition the gifts are given at the shower and nothing is given after baby is born. She doesn't get to double dip. So long as she hasn't morphed the shower into a pay per view it should be fun and include games.

reluctantbrit · 01/03/2019 15:41

I don’t like them either, have been to two but the mums had American family, so it was more the norm for them.

I gave small gifts, the big one came after the baby was there,

BlueMerchant · 01/03/2019 15:44

Tell her you don't like baby shower idea and won't be going but are looking forward to babysit arrival and choosing something nice for him/her.

BlueMerchant · 01/03/2019 15:44

Baby's not babysit!!

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 01/03/2019 15:45

Tell her you feel it tempts fate.

Don't say this, that's a really shitty thing to say to someone.

If something were to happen to the baby then that would play on her mind forever.

There's no such thing as 'tempting fate'.

Just tell her you can't make it. I'm sure she will have lots of people there anyway.

RainbowWaffles · 01/03/2019 15:50

I hate baby showers and didnt have them myself, but I wouldn’t decline to go to someone else’s to prove a point. If it’s inportant to them then I would go. I wouldn’t refuse to go to a wedding or a christening because I didn’t believe in them either. I would just support my friends and family in their choices. Declining for such a reason sounds self important and pompous IMO. I’m sure you’ll get a million responses on her telling you not to go though.

Original poster
SarahFreeman1 · 01/03/2019 15:52

I really don’t think she’d miss me, probably only invited me out of duty. I think I’m leaning towards politely declining - I’d forgotten about playing silly games- really not my cup of tea.

OP posts:
WoodlandOaks · 01/03/2019 15:53

I’d put my personal feelings aside. I don’t understand what this hatred of “American” things is on MN is. Yes the gift comment is a bit grabby, but I also think it’s lovely to meet up with friends and family as often as possible.

If you choose to go make an excuse, don’t comment on your dislike of baby showers. It’s judgmental and may put a dampener on the event and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do that.

Nesssie · 01/03/2019 15:54

Tell her you feel it tempts fate. Jesus don't say this.

Go/Don't go.
All the baby showers I have been to were just nice afternoon of catching up with family/friends tbh. Not tacky at all.

StinkyCandle · 01/03/2019 15:56

just don't go if you don't want to.

I think that having a strong moral issue about something as small as a baby shower is ridiculous, but if you feel that superior no need to attend.
Some people attend without gifts and wait for the birth of the baby.

Whoops75 · 01/03/2019 15:56

Politely decline.
No need to give your opinion on baby showers, she doesn’t care and it’s a bit mean.

waterrat · 01/03/2019 15:59

Please don't tell your pregnant niece that you 'don't like baby showers' ! god, just have some manners. What is wrong with people!

Say you are busy that day if you really don't want to go.

I really can't understand the spite and dislike of baby showers. Marking the end of pregnancy with an all women gathering is actually very common all over the world in many traditions -it's a little get together for the woman before she becomes lost in the world of babies.

It doesn't hve to be grabby either. I've been to and enjoyed several that had nothing to do with gifts.

you have no idea if she wanted this or if it was organised on her behalf so keep your opinions out of it.

Andylion · 01/03/2019 16:25

I don’t understand what this hatred of “American” things is on MN is.

I agree, particularly as this is not the way is done over here, ("here" being North America. I am Canadian). No-one plans her own baby shower. That is indeed, grabby.

Jackshouse · 01/03/2019 16:28

Definitely don’t say it tempts fate. My lovely colleague baby was born very poorly and died at less than a week old. She found the gifts from the baby shower comforting.

janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 16:30

I think you would be ridiculous not to go. It's not like you object on moral grounds it's just not your thing and you are being a bit judgey about it. The thing is it's for her not you.

I don't really understand why it's grabby. Would you not have bought your nieces baby a present anyway?

janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 16:33

My niece has joked about doing this as a great way to get extra gifts for her and her unborn baby

This is cheeky. I always decide what I would like to spend on the baby and buy more than one gift (an outfit and a baby book for eaxmple) the keep back one for when the baby is born and go to meet the baby with the small gift and maybe some flowers/chocs or a nice homebaked cake for mum.

I never spend more if there's a baby shower and none of my friends would expect me to.

happymummy12345 · 01/03/2019 16:36

I don't like them, would never have one and would never go to one

SilverySurfer · 01/03/2019 16:45

waterrat
Please don't tell your pregnant niece that you 'don't like baby showers' ! god, just have some manners. What is wrong with people!

I don't get the horror. Why shouldn't she tell her niece she doesn't like them and I don't see what manners have to do with it. Is the OP not entitled to her own opinion? Does the niece being pregnant render her incapable of being told the truth. In any event it just sounds like a gift-grab-fest.

You're right OP, it's tacky, just don't go.

chestylarue52 · 01/03/2019 17:00

I don't go to baby showers, there's nothing wrong with a simple "no thank you".

UnicornRainbowsRain · 01/03/2019 17:15

Have you been to one?

If she asked you to attend a "day time gathering of important women in my life to celebrate before I have the baby"
Would you attend?

I get it, I'm not a massive fan either but it's done thing for many in that generation so just go with it