Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it possible H was married/ had family before me?

355 replies

womaninatightspot · 01/03/2019 12:08

Already separating but he was abusive (verbal gaslighting etc.). Suspect having proof he's a liar would be good for my mental health. Found a birth certificate among his papers from before we were married. His name listed as father and informant (so would have to be married to mother right?) Same surname as the mother.

It is a common name and he's from a large family who I've never met so can't ask them (I know major red flag territory.) Can I use this to search for a marriage certificate and confirm the date of birth and know for sure. We are married and declared no previous marriages when filling out wedding licence application. Do they double check these things?

Would rather him not know I know if that makes sense. I don't want to confront him.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 01/03/2019 20:03

Omg this is Hmm

Although useful to find out stuff for applying for irish passport.

KickAssAngel · 01/03/2019 20:06

I worked with someone who had split from her husband about 8 years before - but never divorced.
They couldn't afford it at first, then they didn't think it really affected them, and they had a very amicable arrangement for taking care of the kids.
Then they both got new partners and were starting to think about it, but still didn't have a lot of money to pay for it.

Whatcouldpossiblygowrong · 01/03/2019 20:07

Just wanted to say this must be really stressful and emotionally very difficult OP. Whilst fascinating and gripping for everyone else I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Please take good care, look after yourself and get good support

shartfantastic · 01/03/2019 20:10

Yes, if there is a single informant but both parents listed, they must have been married.

Bumblebeezy · 01/03/2019 20:10

Wow, I'm really sorry you are dealing with this OP. Utterly shit all round.

KickAssAngel · 01/03/2019 20:15

DH was born in the 1960s.

His grandfather went and registered him, and gave the info of mother and father at the time of his birth. Neither mother or father were there.

So I'm not sure when rules came in about father having to be there to register him if unmarried, but certainly "more than 20 years ago" could have had different rules about whether the father was there or not.

RandomMess · 01/03/2019 20:24

This is a nightmare op if it's true Thanks

billybagpuss · 01/03/2019 20:27

Good luck

glamorousgrandmother · 01/03/2019 20:29

So I'm not sure when rules came in about father having to be there to register him if unmarried, but certainly "more than 20 years ago" could have had different rules about whether the father was there or not.
I know from experience it was true 39 years ago that the father had to be present if parents were not married.

2birds1stone · 01/03/2019 20:40

After 5 years (i think) if a couple have not been together they can apply to court for an agreed divorce. So no money needs to be paid. Bit like an annulment. Also it may be 7 years but one half of the couple can apply for the divorce and the other half doesn't have to sign it just gets done.

Does seem very strange.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/03/2019 20:54

I can’t believe the number of people saying ‘Keep quiet; otherwise you might not get anything in the divorce’. Do you really think this might not be uncovered in divorce proceedings? Hasn’t it occurred to any of you that if the OP knows and DOES keep quiet, it makes her complicit? Ridiculous.

Aragog · 01/03/2019 20:59

Marriage, birth and death certificates are not available for people who are still living on ancestry.

Yes they are.
There is a lot of information you can find easily online for living people.

Iflyaway · 01/03/2019 21:03

it is a felony,

Are you in USA? It's just that the word felony I don't recognise in UK parlance. (speak),

I'm not getting on your case - I feel genuinely sorry for you having to go through this - but as MN is a British site all replies will not be relating to a US law situation. Or places, website where you could get to the bottom of this. I really hope you do!

Nothing so bad as being fucked over by someone you trust(ed).

Pinkyponkcustard · 01/03/2019 21:15

Legal advice needed op, so sorry you’re dealing with this

MulticolourMophead · 01/03/2019 21:22

So it looks like he was married. If he still is married to that wife, then as the house, etc is all in OP's name, a separation will benefit OP and her DC. The "husband" likely won't have much of a claim.

Cherrysoup · 01/03/2019 21:37

House etc is already in OP’s name and the stbexh is apparently generous with cash so she wins all round (bar emotionally!) in the split.

EggysMom · 01/03/2019 21:38

After 5 years (i think) if a couple have not been together they can apply to court for an agreed divorce. So no money needs to be paid

No, you still have to pay the court fee. It's just that after five years, you can divorce without the consent of the other party.

notyourmummy · 01/03/2019 21:38

Not much helpful to say, but are you ok OP? This must've been an awful shock.

newmun · 01/03/2019 21:41

Flowers good luck OP

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2019 21:43

I registered DS birth 28 years ago in England and didnt need his father there to name him on the birth certificate and we were not married.

I would say that at best he lied about being divorced. Bigamy is a definite possibility though, I know of a woman (sister of a workmate of my mum) who was married to a bigamist who said he assumed he was divorced because him and his ex had been seperated for years. No one believed his stor when it came out, they all thought he probably didnt want to stir the hornets nest by initiating a divorce as he was very wealthy. By committing bigamy he didnt have to give his ex a payout and his new "wife" didnt have a legal claim on his assets if they split. Win win for him.......until he went to prison.

user1473878824 · 01/03/2019 21:45

OP, I hope you’re okay x

macaroniandpizza · 01/03/2019 21:58

Just read the thread, jesus what a mess to be in op :(

howmanybiscuits · 01/03/2019 21:59

it is a felony, jail time up to seven years

If it said 'felony', it's not a British site. We don't use the term felony here.

You can disregard that. You need UK info.

howmanybiscuits · 01/03/2019 22:04

7 years is also the maximum in the UK, according to Wikapedia.

But it could just be a fine, or a shorter sentence.

What does this mean, exactly, can anyone say?

A person guilty of bigamy is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding seven years, or on summary conviction to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months, or to a fine not exceeding the prescribed sum, or to both

DoNotWorry · 01/03/2019 22:04

Perhaps devout Catholic too and refusing to divorce ?
I think that the Catholic Church would have more objection to bigamy than it does to divorce.