Other Mum Said there's something wrong with DD

[LetsBreakItDown]

So, I usually work Monday to Friday, but I had a days annual leave yesterday and I took my DD to a big indoor play area (she is 11 months)
While we were there, my DD was in the soft play area just crawling around and being her little self. She has a very bold little personality and does funny little quirks, like pulling funny faces, sometimes when she crawls she puts her head down and laughs (I assume she finds it funny!) anyway, just silly little things, that I find funny and a little quirky.
So while my DD was playing, another mum near by said to me "I would take her to the doctor if I was you, those aren't normal behaviours for a baby, there is probably something wrong with her"
This comment knocked me sideways and I genuinely didn't know how to respond. I picked up my daughter, and we moved to another area, but I'm sad to say, we left not long after that, because the comment had upset me so much I just couldn't shake it.
Now I'm angry! Aibu to think that even if she had this opinion, this isn't something you should say to a mother in a play area?? DD had a check up with HV a couple of months ago and she said she was really happy with development, had no concerns etc. So why has this comment bothered me so much??!

'I'm so sorry for your daughter that you feel laughing and playing is a sign of developmental issues. Mine is always happy'

So no, she wasn't just making conversation, she was rude and basically body shamed me.

Boy, I’m on a roll tonight, must get off and go to bed. How was that body shaming? Maybe you were huge? It’s just someone doing a boring, shit, repetitive job trying to make conversation with a random stranger. Maybe it missed the mark but I don’t think she was the daughter of Satan for goodness sake.

I had polyhydramnios with one of mine and I was HUGE. I pretty much had every random happily point it out to me. It was a fact so I would just go ‘yep, huge’. Baby had issues that caused it and I felt no need to explain that to every stranger I came across that felt the need to comment but it was what it was. I was huge. Some people (again, complete strangers) were adamant that I was overdue, dates must be wrong yadda yadda. Who cares, certainly not a joy stealer. If they are really over the top have some fun back “huh, baby? Whaaat? What baby? I’m not pregnant, what makes you think I’m pregnant?”. Just a bunch of bored strangers trying to make conversation and focusing on the obvious, not setting out to puss you off and ruin your day.

Perhaps she doesn't understand that it's actually good for babies to be able to entertain themselves. I would put it down to sheer ignorance and think nothing more of it

Medical, was an A&E specialist at the time. Now retired from that line of work thank god. I have no need to tattoo my quals or background on my forehead for some random I come across who gets snippy with people.

You don't think it's relevant if a person has medical knowledge to whether that person is listened to with regards to diagnosing a child?

I'm sure the jobs of HCP all around the country would be far easier if people started showing up at A&E because they were told their kid "had something wrong with it" according to a random at softplay.

If you had said to the woman with the baby with the rare syndrome that you're an HCP and suggested she get it checked out more fool her , but that is far different to what happened to the OP.

It could be considered outside the range of normal behaviour to go up to strangers with babies who have rare disorders solely to ask 'how they are coping' though

You should just ignore her. Of course, it'd bother you, it is your baby anyways. It's absolutely normal to worry about your child. It's plainly rude.
I had a similar experience when babysitting my best friends son. Just some random guy commented on the baby's appearance making some unbelievable assumptions. And I was infuriated.
It is a hell of an experience. Some people just cannot keep it to themselves.

How disgustingly rude! I completely understand your anger as I'd have felt exactly the same, my son is 16 months and he sounds exactly like your daughter, pulls faces and does the thing with putting his head down as he crawls and finds it funny, this is normal behaviour so don't give it a 2nd thought as that woman is absolutely disgusting and why she thought it was acceptable to say something like that is beyond me.

My daughter was exactly the same at that age. She used to crawl around giggling to herself and holding her hand out to some unseen object as she giggled and jabbered away.

She is now in her 40's, highly intelligent and beautiful. She has hardly ever had a days illness.

Ignore the silly c.w and enjoy your DD.

I find the correct response for stupid comments like is is 'go fuck yourself'

You don't think it's relevant if a person has medical knowledge to whether that person is listened to with regards to diagnosing a child?

Uhhmm, no. No idea where you got that from. You can’t ‘diagnose’ someone in that situation, you are not acting in a formal capacity, they are not a patient. That would be inappropriate. What you ARE doing is suggesting that they have certain things investigated , basically so someone else can diagnose in an official capacity. There’s a world of difference.

It could be considered outside the range of normal behaviour to go up to strangers with babies who have rare disorders solely to ask 'how they are coping' though

Not necessarily. One of mine has physical disabilities and lots of issues. You will often find ‘random’ parents of disabled children talk with other ‘random’ parents of disabled children to have a general chat, always tips to be shared etc.

It still baffles me that people like this woman actually exist.

Don't give the silly fool another thought OP. Just see it as a bemusing story to share with others!

@Topsyt my dd1 didn't walk until she was 18 months. She didn't even bum shuffle, she just sat and played with toys until she was a year, started crawling at 1 and just walked across the room one day at 18 months. I genuinely never was worried as I could tell she was alright and was actually more able than my ds in lots of ways who crawled and walked earlier. She was just cautious and didn't want to fall over and bang her head. But I lost count of the amount of people at groups and things who said, 'aren't you worried.. if she's not walking by 18 months, are you going to take her to xxxxx?' name of a specialist school where they help kids who may have problems with walking. I just used to smile and say, no I've got no worries, my dd is totally fine thank you! She's now 10 and totally fine. She's also a good dancer and has passed lots of exams. Shows how much they knew!! Take no notice, that woman blatantly doesn't know what she's talking about and should butt out.

Someone once told me "you should take your son to the doctors, it's not normal for a two year old not to talk and not to walk" - he was 9 months old but a big boy! Always was a big boy still is a big boy!
Some people just think babies are open books for them to make comments! Ignore everyone except your own instincts.

Random woman observed your child for maybe an hour & has decided she’s “not normal”

Both of my kids have been under our local child development unit for 2 or 3 years. We have no diagnosis for either of them. Until recently there was little acknowledgement that our eldest even had any difficulties. He’s been under the unit for the longest.

If a trained specialist in this field takes some time to ascertain that a child isn’t displaying neurotypical behaviour, what does this woman have?

Nothing but a bad attitude & a sense of entitlement that it’s acceptable to voice this kind of opinion.

Your baby sounds great.

The stupid woman who shared her unwanted opinion with you, on the other hand ... sounds like an awful know-it-all with very few interpersonal skills. Maybe she's the one who needs to see a doctor!

Surely if there was something ‘wrong’ with your own child you’d know. Nope...my dd had autism for 8yrs before we knew. I had a feeling when she was small, but had nothing to back it up and all the info I could find related to the male presentation on the spectrum, not female, so I dismissed it. Wasn't until a particularly horrible year with a nasty teacher that she developed anxiety and her autism started to come out.

She pretty much masked for 8yrs.

So it is VERY possible to miss things with your own child. Looking back, now I know what I am looking at it's obvious.