Other Mum Said there's something wrong with DD

[LetsBreakItDown]

So, I usually work Monday to Friday, but I had a days annual leave yesterday and I took my DD to a big indoor play area (she is 11 months)
While we were there, my DD was in the soft play area just crawling around and being her little self. She has a very bold little personality and does funny little quirks, like pulling funny faces, sometimes when she crawls she puts her head down and laughs (I assume she finds it funny!) anyway, just silly little things, that I find funny and a little quirky.
So while my DD was playing, another mum near by said to me "I would take her to the doctor if I was you, those aren't normal behaviours for a baby, there is probably something wrong with her"
This comment knocked me sideways and I genuinely didn't know how to respond. I picked up my daughter, and we moved to another area, but I'm sad to say, we left not long after that, because the comment had upset me so much I just couldn't shake it.
Now I'm angry! Aibu to think that even if she had this opinion, this isn't something you should say to a mother in a play area?? DD had a check up with HV a couple of months ago and she said she was really happy with development, had no concerns etc. So why has this comment bothered me so much??!

Your DD sounds gorgeous, and totally normal. I wonder if this other lady has concerns about her own child, who perhaps doesn't smile or laugh very much, and she was criticising your baby to make herself feel better.

Dear God! Some people have no filter!

I can't imagine any circumstance that someone would say that to a complete stranger!

I really like MoBrioBo’s comments. Good way of responding to various comments. Opened my eyes to other potential replies that are not rude but put CF in their place.

So it is a responsible thing to say something, just not in this manner.

Not to a total stranger it isn't!

And you'd still have to be very careful even it was a friend.

Are you worried or hv worried. If not ignore her. Your babys behaviour sounds totally normal. Ive a toddler dressed as a cat licking me like a dog at the moment!

@MoBiroBo, that was incredibly rude. The lady on the till was clearly just making conversation. Did you feel good about yourself after you put her down and belittled her job?

People like you make me glad that I don't work with the general public anymore

Wow, some people are shockingly rude. What a horrible, horrible thing to say to someone else about their happy child.

I'm a nightmare in these scenarios as I tend to fully engage and I would have said, "You must be medically qualified, as I can't imagine why else you'd offer your opinion in that way, so I'd really like to know what it is you think is wrong with my baby, as I'm really concerned now." whilst turning my chair fully towards her and looking her directly in the eye.

My DS is ASD, so over the years I've had a number of these conversations and by the time I'm finished, I'm fairly sure the person won't be offering their unsolicited opinions to another mother again! I'm always uber polite, just in case anyone thinks I'm rude and offensive back.

If your lovely baby is normally at nursery while you're at work, the staff there would have alerted you if they thought there was anything amiss.

This woman sounds like a nightmare.

I think you handled it with dignity op,she'd have got a slap around here for commenting on other people's children.She was really rude.

Did you know her or was she just some strange woman? Obviously rude either way but if she was just some stranger, how would she know whether you had or hadn't ever taken her to see someone or not anyway? Clearly she said it just to bean asshole

Our second child used to pretty much push his head along the floor when he was crawling and laugh his head off, sometimes he even shook it side to side lol, he stopped once he stopped crawling, perfectly normal and perfectly adorable.

If you are worried about her comments just give your health nurse a call, I am sure they will tell you she is fine!

My oldest dd had a carpet burn on her forehead for about 2 months because she thought it was fun to crawl around the carpet with her forehead on the floor.

I wonder what she 2ould have said to me if she had seen that!

FWIW dd is 8 now and fine

Your child sounds like a normal 11 month old to me. They all have funny quirks. My dd2 is now 3 and still laughs randomly and pulls dodgy faces and will also shake her head because "She gets dizzy and it's funny"

Kids are weird

Sounds like she was trying to burst your bubble. Your daughter sounds adorable!

How rude is that! Bet you were totally shocked, so don't beat yourself up that you didn't tell her to piss off straight away.

Be thankful that you don't have to see her again and put it to the back of your mind.

Your DD sounds lovely!

It is possible to notice in a stranger something odd that their family overlooked because they see the child everyday - I certainly overlooked my DD's obvious autistic traits because I was naive and just thought it was normal (looking back she was different from newborn), BUT there's a way of saying things, and if uninvited it's plain rude - however from what you write your dc seems normal!

I would take her to the doctor if I was you, those aren't normal behaviours for a baby, there is probably something wrong with her"

"No, not normal at all. Quite advanced for her age. I'm sure your dc will catch up though"

Say that next time. DOn't walk away and don't let people talk about your kids that way.

“And your medical qualifications are...?” Hard stare.

All the replies I could have said have got me kicking myself 😂 I wish I could have said something at the time but I was so taken aback, I just had to walk away! I didn't know the woman, she was just in the same play area with her child. Even if she thought there was something wrong in her opinion, I don't think she should have said it, regardless. My DD is brilliantly funny, hitting milestones and her nursery have never mentioned a single thing about her. I'm not worried, neither is HV but it upset me because I thought "is she seeing something I'm not? Are other people thinking the same thing about her?"
But I'm going to take everyone's advice, have a witty reply if there is ever a next time and try and forget the whole saga!

Surely if there was something ‘wrong’ with your own child you’d know.

Nope. Can’t tell you how many people don’t for all sorts of things that are obvious to others.

I’ve had two memorable moments over the years with mums at schools (who I was not friends with, just saw them chatting in ‘their group’ when I was waiting outside classrooms to pick up kids. In one case Mum had a baby who to me obviously had quite a serious medical condition (rare syndrome). One day as polite conversation I asked how they were coping, they said what am I talking about, I said baby has obvious problems. They blew off and their ‘circle’ also abused me as ‘there is nothing wrong with the baby, how horrible yadda yadda’. Not a first time mum obviously and by this time baby had had 2 routine visits with our equivalent of HV. Anyhoo, roughly a year later it was big news that baby had just received this shock diagnosis and how horrible, who would have thought etc. Obvious as dogs balls. Anyway few months after that mum comes up to me and says turns out baby did have something wrong and it’s x. Yeah, I know. Pity baby didn’t get some useful help earlier.

Another one, Mum had sibling who exhibited some behaviours I thought should be looked into. I kindly mentioned it, was basically told to sod off, kid was just ‘dreamy’ and had a great imagination and got lost in it, all kids are different, nothing wrong with them. Few years later kid is finally diagnosed with neuro condition, again could have benefited from that happening earlier.

There have been other instances but thankfully parents have not taken it as some personal affront and attack on their child and have taken their child for relevant investigations. Not sure why people’s first thought is that someone is going to the bother to have a conversation with someone to spin shit with the aim of being upsetting?

Maybe she has worries about her own child and wanted to try and stress out another parent?
What ever the reason she should have kept her mouth shut.
Your daughter sounds lovely and perfectly fine.

It's annoying afterwards isn't it as you think of all the things you could have said in response to her.
I remember when mine were that age, I had a few upsetting comments about why they weren't standing yet (all mine were late walkers but turned out to be fine).
Some people seem to get some sort of kick out making these comments, but I think in boils down to their own anxiety about their child.

She sounds like a prick, I would have been pretty dumbfounded too tbh.

Babies and children are really fucking weird. They do the strangest things sometimes. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them, in fact quite the opposite. Babies have literally no idea what’s going on, they just know what feels good and what feels bad.

How upsetting for you. Sometimes people amaze me by making such unnecessary, and hurtful comments. Ignore it OP. Your DD sounds a delight and very normal behaviour for a little one.

What are you qualifications though Hopping?My son has complex disabilities including severe autism, I sometimes see other children that to me clearly exhibit autistic traits , I wouldn't dream of mentioning it too their parents though unless they ask me.

😮 how rude and unkind. Even if she genuinely thought that or it was obvious your child did had additional needs etc she shld never have uttered a word.

No wonder you were upset I'm shocked that anyway could be so cruel.

I get that you were upset and taken aback. I think I wld have had to go back over and have a word, to let her know what she said wasn't ok and isn't normal that maybe she needs to see a doctor! Probably better that you didn't and just ignore her.

Soft play - the seventh circle of hell. Ignore her she was being ridiculous.