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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a red flag?

90 replies

minian · 28/02/2019 19:14

DP has made comments about outfit choices in the past. I've argued with him about it before (he uses the word 'slut' and says other comments) but he never really changes.

I'm out at the weekend and my friend helped me choose an outfit. It's a bit out of my comfort zone but I really like it and have wanted to wear it for ages.

I mentioned to my mum that I was going to bring a spare jumper or something because DP would most likely start a fight if I got home wearing it. I've attached a picture. DM has seen the outfit, said it was really cute and that it was such a red flag that that's my mindset about him.

He's told me before that the only reason past guys have slept with me is what I'm wearing (on nights out where I've been covered up but in a mesh top).

I've attached a picture that's most alike to the outfit.

Is this a red flag?
OP posts:
Bluemascara4 · 28/02/2019 22:01

Yes - massive red flag.

Wear it . I would too if I I had the figure Grin

FlyMayBe · 28/02/2019 22:10

Red flag from the DP I'm afraid.

In terms of the outfit - context is important here. Out to a rock club? - perfect. Tea party with the vicar? Not so much. Office? Definitely not!!

Wish I was still young enough to rock that outfit,OP.

tinyme77 · 28/02/2019 22:35

I would be embarrassed to be seen with anyone wearing that. Trousers fine but top would be more appropriate for a stripper. I don't think that you are right for each other.

MissEliza · 28/02/2019 22:50

Wear what you want Op. You're living in the UK in 2019. You should please yourself first,

DorothyZbornak · 28/02/2019 23:19

OP, you're not even 20 yet. If you can't dress like that now, when can you. While you have the figure, show it off
And listen to your Mum about your DP. She has him sussed.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 28/02/2019 23:23

Red flag.
Two of the four bad ones I was with would have gone nuts over that particular outfit too. The last one would have preferred I wear it :/

And ditto the second red flag.
Your mum is right and leaving is so mich easier, the earlier you do it

TooTrueToBeGood · 01/03/2019 00:06

Out of interest, what age is he OP? It may be relevant.

AngelaHodgeson · 01/03/2019 00:17

Serious red flag - absolutely run for the hills. Don't waste time with dickheads who don't see women as complete, autonomous beings. He seemingly can't get his head around the fact that sometimes women do things without even considering what men might think.

And I love the outfit - I wish I was young enough to wear that kind of thing myself!

Graphista · 01/03/2019 01:32

Having a child together is not a reason to stay with an abusive, controlling, misogynistic twat!

If you were my dd I'd be watching very carefully and encouraging you away from this guy. I wouldn't be as blunt as I'm being here as I wouldn't want to risk alienating you when you may need to be able to approach me in the near future.

Whatever your mum is saying X 100 is what she really thinks!

Again if I were your mum I'd hate this guy and want him the hell away from my child and grandchild!

The internalised misogyny & snobbery on this thread is shocking!

mathanxiety · 01/03/2019 02:10

You don't have to stay with this man because of the child. Please make plans to separate and keep away from him.

You are never going to convince him that he is wrong, that he doesn't own his female partner or get to pass judgement on women the way he does.

Avoid years of being beaten down and years of your child being exposed to his toxicity. Cut your losses, grieve for what might have been, and get free.

Lovingbenidorm · 01/03/2019 02:16

While no one has the right to tell another person what to wear
That outfit is beyond bad

cordeliavorkosigan · 01/03/2019 02:23

I agree with everyone else about the 3 red flags and the fact that you're young and anyway people should wear what they want.
But clothing communicates. It's a bit of language. And that outfit says " hey look at my chest and my bra!!" . You have every right to say that, and no one should stop you , and women aren't "asking for it" if they do, but I think it's ok to acknowledge that that's the message that outfit conveys.

Shinesweetfreedom · 01/03/2019 02:39

But the picture shows a bra not a slinky bra like top,so no it does not look right married single or not.It looks like someone has forgotten to do their buttons up.Trust me you should see some of the things my 15 year old daughter and all her friends wear,so covering up is not in their vocabulary,but this is just a bra on show.Its a no no.

expat101 · 01/03/2019 02:40

As your Mum I would ask before you went out the door, shouldn't you be doing a couple of buttons up and your Father (my Hubby) would most likely say that he hoped you didn't pay for those jeans as he has shorts like that you could have borrowed..... but if I heard a boyfriend say to you (my daughter) that others had only slept with you because of what you were wearing, he would be marched for a very long walk down the back by your Father by his T shirt.

You don't need this chap in your life, he is no good for you and will only continue to pick away at you and your choices for however long you stay together.

Shinesweetfreedom · 01/03/2019 02:45

Ah just read you are a late teen.That changes it a lot..Still not keen on it looking like a bra,but you’re still a kid so can get away with that look.

Shinesweetfreedom · 01/03/2019 02:47

Ah and ditch the dp saying men slept with you cos of what you were wearing.

Shinesweetfreedom · 01/03/2019 03:06

Oh that will teach me not to rtft.The second top is good.Outfit looks lovely.If you can’t dress like that at your age there is something wrong if you feel comfortable wearing it.Get rid of the boyfriend,he will drag you down.

JAMMFYesPlease · 01/03/2019 03:10

There are some awfully judgmental people on here. The outfit is not the problem and some people on here are focusing on the wrong thing.

The problem here is the 'D'P amd his attitude is a red flag. I ask my DH for his thoughts on outfit to get an idea of what he thinks but he would never call me a slut or stop me wearing it. And he would never pass judgment (well, he'd keep it to himself where it belongs) like that!

You shouldn't have to think about how to cover up what you're wearing. That's a sign of abuse! Don't walk, run away from this mysoginistic pig.

vampirethriller · 01/03/2019 03:34

Get rid of him. Keep the outfit. If I wasn't 37 and the size of Greater Manchester I'd wear that myselfGrin

MiGi777 · 01/03/2019 05:16

This TEENAGE girl is pretty much being emotionally abused by her boyfriend.
WHY would any of you add to that and criticise the outfit?????????
It is NOTHING to do with the outfit, that is just ONE example of his behaviour. I really wonder sometimes. Some people.......

Henrysmycat · 01/03/2019 05:30

First, he’s a turd and nasty one at that. At 19, it’s far too early to be dealing with boyfriends like that, nevermind more serious partners.
Just the use of his language is a massive red flag.
Secondly, not my current style (I’m 40) but it’s something I’d have worn back in the day when I was 19. I was at the generation where we wore those rip jeans and shown midriffs. Enjoy it now, your skin and boobs won’t be the same at 40 even with a decent 6-pack!

MiGi777 · 01/03/2019 05:55

@Henrys my cat
So you have a six pack? Well that is just showing off and I am not even the slightest bit jealous!!!!! 💐

SparkiePolastri · 01/03/2019 05:59

So yes, this is the red flag.

Doesn't sound as if you're going to do anything about it, though.

cece · 01/03/2019 06:24

What's wrong with you all? The outfit is irrelevant; he shouldn't be telling you what to wear by calling you a slut and making you feel bad. She also didn't ask for fashion advice from any of us either.

Yutes · 01/03/2019 06:29

What's wrong with you all? The outfit is irrelevant; he shouldn't be telling you what to wear by calling you a slut and making you feel bad. She also didn't ask for fashion advice from any of us either.

This. OP didn’t ask for opinions on her outfit. Just that DP wouldnt be happy.

OP you are late teens, wear whatever you like and don’t be swayed by what other people think. This is something I wish I’d done more when I was younger.

AND don’t stay with someone who tries to control you. also something I wish I’d done when I was younger.

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