Is this a red flag?

[minian]

DP has made comments about outfit choices in the past. I've argued with him about it before (he uses the word 'slut' and says other comments) but he never really changes.

I'm out at the weekend and my friend helped me choose an outfit. It's a bit out of my comfort zone but I really like it and have wanted to wear it for ages.

I mentioned to my mum that I was going to bring a spare jumper or something because DP would most likely start a fight if I got home wearing it. I've attached a picture. DM has seen the outfit, said it was really cute and that it was such a red flag that that's my mindset about him.

He's told me before that the only reason past guys have slept with me is what I'm wearing (on nights out where I've been covered up but in a mesh top).

I've attached a picture that's most alike to the outfit.

Huge red flag, the beginning of more controlling behaviour.

If you like that outfit then you wear it, sod what anyone else thinks! (I'd live a figure that could pull off that black bralette)

While that kind of clothing won’t be acceptable to anyone that’s really not the point. His judgement of people who wear that clothing is a huge red flag. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks virtue is based on sartorial choices and why would he want to be with someone who he thinks is a slut? Clearly this isn’t going to work. Do yourself a favour and break up with him and in future don’t stay with men who are mean. The only way you can make sure you have a good boyfriend is by not putting up with bad ones.

You deserve better, he is controlling you.

Wear what you want and meet someone who respects you for who you are.

Massive red flag.

No one but you can decide what you wear.

I'm not sure why they've gone with the adjective classy to describe that outfit though. It isn't classy.

Thanks everyone. Seems DM was definitely right!

Your mum is right, it's a whopping great big red flag and it must be worrying her that you've started to change your own behaviour just to appease him.

I don't like the outfit though, it's somewhat lacking in class Oh the irony Hazlenutpie! And telling a woman her clothes aren't nice because they are slutty is not that far a stretch from telling her that her clothes aren't nice because they aren't classy.

You wear whatever you want. He sounds hideous

Leave him. Keep the outfit. Your body. Do what you want with it.

that's my attitude. I think anyone should wear whatever they feel confident or happy about themselves in!!! The root of the arguments is that DP thinks women base their outfit choices on how much attention they want from men and I think that's a ridiculously sexist attitude!

And you stay with him because?

and it must be worrying her that you've started to change your own behaviour just to appease him.

This with fucking bells on

@Gina2012 have a child together - it's harder than the LTB attitude amongst the site!

Then if you choose to stay because of the child he needs to grow a pair and stop being a twat.

What he is teaching / will teach your child will be incredibly detrimental to the child

You’re late teens and you have a partner?! 🥴
NO!! You have a boyfriend!
he’s a knob btw and I hope you’ve realised that
Listen to your mum, dump him, and concentrate on working out what you need from a relationship and how good people treat each other.

Argh, cross posted. He still really doesn’t sound great.

@Etino didn't realise there was a minimum age on when you can call someone a partner. What classifies?

No one should tell you what to wear. I cannot believe the mind boggling irony in posters telling you your dp shouldn’t comment on how you dress then add a comment about your outfit????? I really hope those posters are being ironic. Because it isn’t clear and you all sound like idiots.

Op, wear what you like, it’s a red flag for men (in this context) to imply your clothing choice is reflective of your sexual availability.

And ignore the other comments about your choice because it’s your choice.

@minian
In an ideal world a teenager wouldn’t have a partner, no! Boyfriends/ girlfriends yes, but as you’ve found people grow and show their true colours, and it’s hard to fit that into your teenage years.
What’s your plan?

Having a child with someone doesn’t mean you need to put up with shitty behaviour.

Great outfit - wear whatever you like.

My daughter is 19 and she wears little tops and ripped jeans like that, as do the rest of her friends. Tell him it's your body, your life, your choice. If he doesn't like it tough. It's not your issue that hes insecure and immature and sounds like an abusive partner in the making -it's his and I would get rid of him because you are meant to be having fun,enjoying life, not worrying about having to cover up your outfit with a jumper in case your boyfriend tells you off. Seriously? Come on now, you know this is WEIRD.

If you like the outfit and it makes you feel good then that’s all that matters!

You’re ‘DH’ is not a very nice person and I for one would rather spend my time surrounded by people that build me up rather than deliberately try to make me feel as shit as possible.

Oh c'mon we all wore outfits like that when we were late teens! OP get rid of the controlling loser and enjoy life with your child.

I see three major red flags here. Number 1 is that he's trying to dictate what you're wearing in the first place. Especially if it's to try to straightjacket you into wearing something more conservative than you'd like. That alone is a sign of coercive control; a recognized form of abuse which is in fact illegal.

The second is even worse: you're having to even consider putting a jumper on over your outfit because you fear his response. That is all shades of not good. If your relatives are worried, it's with good reason.

The last one had the alarm bells jangling loudest of all. He's casting aspersions over your prior sexual relationships. Because of what you wore. There are two implications here: 1, he's slut-shaming you, and 2, he's undermining your integrity by saying it's only because of superficial appearances that past lovers have wanted to sleep with you at all.

3 red flags are more than enough. He's an abuser in the making, and people who start out like this don't ever get better. They escalate.

Wishing you luck, OP. The fact that you've posted here says you know what you really want to do.

So yes, red flag. But also, the crap he’s saying, all that ‘cover up or men will look’ might be solvable. A good relationship will make both people better- you could educate him and address his insecurities. Or run for the hills.

OP, if you have a child with this man then it's even simpler. Do you want a son to grow up believing that a woman's clothing means she is asking for sex? Do you want a daughter growing up believing she's 'a slut' because her skirt is above her knees?

It is still an unbuttoned shirt with bra in full display. Even on a late teen. Not cute, sorry.