Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not make DD have last HPV vaccine

128 replies

adultcat · 28/02/2019 16:03

DD (14) had the first injection and promptly fainted. The second one was traumatic. She's just refused to have the third one. They were all done at school but last week she refused to have it and told them I'd take her to the doctor to get it done.
Can I do that? Should she have it?
Tried to research it but there's lots of opinions out there and I'm really confused!

OP posts:
Stuckforthefourthtime · 28/02/2019 16:30

She's going to get a lot more needles if she ends up with cancer. I'd also worry that a child who struggles with injections is highly likely to become a young woman who skips her smear tests, so she's even higher risk - do everything you can to get her fully protected.

pointythings · 28/02/2019 16:30

If it's fear then you need to work with her on strategies to deal with that fear rather than compromise her health. At 14 her voice needs to be heard in terms of consent, so you have to work with her on this. Having it at the GP with numbing cream and music to distract might well work.

twosoups1972 · 28/02/2019 16:32

Exactly the same here with my dd who is now 17. She didn't manage to have the second one at school and I took her to a clinic to have it done but it was extremely traumatic for her.

She didn't manage to have the third one done unfortunately. It's not ideal and she knew the risks but she's had 2 out of the 3. Interestingly, at dd2's school (different school) they only gave 2 doses.

I would strongly encourage her to have the third one but ultimately it is her decision. My dd's phobia is pretty bad but the more I pressure/encourage her the worse it is. I know she will deal with it one day when she's ready.

dementedpixie · 28/02/2019 16:33

I thought you only got 2 hpv vaccines now. Are you sure that's what she was getting?

TeenTimesTwo · 28/02/2019 16:36

Just take her to the doctors to get it done there.

Some girls can whip themselves/others up into hysteria at school about vaccines. A doctors surgery will be calmer.

TeenTimesTwo · 28/02/2019 16:38

If she is due the men-ACWY and the diptheria/tetanus/polio boosters soon (y9 round here), you could see if the doctors will do them all in one go to get them out of the way?

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 28/02/2019 16:39

You can ask her if she'll go to the GP to have it but she must consent. I'm sorry but I do NOT buy all the scare tactics or emotional manipulation to cajole a person into having a medical procedure or treatment she does not want. I find that coercive and if you suggested that for any other type of medical procedure that you deemed to be for her own good you would, right, be flamed. You can explain why it's a good idea to have the third one, to tell her she can have it done in an alternate setting and leave the door of communication open, but that's about it.

My similarly aged daughter refused to have it at all.

We went over the info, she said no, it was made clear to her she can change her mind. And that's all they or I could do because you cannot force a person that age to have treatment they don't want unless they're incapable and even then . . . .

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 28/02/2019 16:41

Just take her to the doctors to get it done there.

You could try to do that but if she still doesn't consent they won't do it.

Jubba · 28/02/2019 16:41

My girls won’t be having it. It’s from personal experience to problems caused by the vaccines.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/02/2019 16:42

It's not necessary to have it right now is it? Could it be left a couple of years? And she won't get cancer just because she didn't have it anyway, all it does is mean she won't need as many smear tests. Which is well worthwhile in itself as they are not exactly pleasant but it's certainly not the case that if you don't have the vaccine you get cancer, otherwise all of us aged 30 or older would have had cervical cancer and we haven't. I have always had normal results and many women just need limited treatment to treat abnormal cells which are not cancerous.

However, the point that someone made that if she doesn't like needles she might skip smear tests is a good one, although the way you behave at 14 isn't the way you behave after 25. I take myself to the dentist regularly - at 14 I needed my parents to make me go!

Gastonimo · 28/02/2019 16:43

I suffered with needle phobia as a child and still do to some extent as an adult.
I used to get so worked up and faint and have seizures. I tried hypnotherapy but nothing seemed to work. It wasn't till I finished university and wanted to go travelling did I realise that the fear was holding me back and stopping me from doing the things I wanted to do.
Help her find coping mechanisms, I used to find focusing on meditative breathing and lying face down in the doc's room with the lights off really helped.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/02/2019 16:43

Oh and she's had 2 out of 3 injections anyway so is probably protected in any event.

Fiveredbricks · 28/02/2019 16:45

Cervical cancer risk vs a 2 second injection... Why is this even a question OP?

janetforpresident · 28/02/2019 16:45

And she won't get cancer just because she didn't have it anyway
No one is suggesting that. That's not how vaccinations work.Hmm I havent been vaccinted against plenty of conditions and i expect i will get very few/if any but if i knew i could have a quick injection to prevent myself from getting a form of cancer I would in a heartbeat

saythatagain · 28/02/2019 16:46

We went to the docs to discuss her needle fear. Doc was very benevolent and suggested CBT - she wrote to CAHMS but unfortunately, DD didn’t have enough issues, so was declined. Back to the docs next week to discuss further.
Yes, 100% agree about NOT having threats over DD and am hoping that someone comes along with some positive suggestions.
To those that have mentioned about ‘getting on with it’, the far reaching consequences of not having the vaccinations etc, been there, done that.
I could give you a second by second account of taking DD to the docs surgery; double appointment booked, very pleasant nurse etc - it didn’t happen and, to my eternal shame, I did become very cross with her and did try to man-handle her. It was awful.

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 28/02/2019 16:47

Cervical cancer risk vs a 2 second injection... Why is this even a question OP?

Because the 14-year-old has to consent to the 3rd injection and that is not a question, that's a fact, you cannot force a medical treatment on a person that age Hmm

You can try to persuade him/her, but you cannot force and using scare tactics and emotional manipulation are coercive behaviour. That's not okay.

Troels · 28/02/2019 16:48

My Dd hasn't had it either jubba I did tell her she can always get it done later if she feels she wants to.
She is having her boosters done at school next week, no needle phobia.
OP does your Dd have a fear of needles, does she faint at all vaccinations or just this one?

PetuliaBlavatsky · 28/02/2019 16:48

The nhs vaccination schedule says only two doses are needed if the first dose is given under the age of 15?

to not make DD have last HPV vaccine
FuerzaAreaUruguay · 28/02/2019 16:50

It's not just a 'quick injection' to someone with a phobia Hmm.

FermatsTheorem · 28/02/2019 16:50

I totally get where your daughter is coming from on an emotional level. I used to be the same with blood tests (and it's not under your conscious control, I've actually had situations where I've been consciously looking at posters on the wall thinking "la la la, distract yourself, think of something else, it'll all be fine", thought I was perfectly relaxed - by my standards - then, boom! black out time).

But it's not a good enough reason not to have them. It's a phobia (like mine) which needs to be controlled for your own good as a person. Lots of medical procedures necessarily involve blood tests/ needles, you can't escape from that unless you lead a remarkably charmed life.

I'd sit her down and talk through it with her, listening to her, but stressing that needles in the course of health care aren't just going to go away. Then see if you can get it done at the GP's surgery, and explain before hand that she needs a sympathetic HCP, and preferably a chance to lie down flat (will minimise the risk of blacking out). My experience with phlebotomists is they'd much sooner know up front and let you have the extra minute or two it takes to arrange you on the bed rather than in a chair, rather than have to scrape you off the floor later.

And I repeat: these things are not rational. The fainting is a physiological response which isn't under your control, you can't think it away. (With time and patience from HCPs it becomes less likely, and you do start to get a modicum of control.) But you do (generic you) have to learn techniques to mitigate the situation.

janetforpresident · 28/02/2019 16:51

I would bribe but i wouldn't punish. It's her body her choice and this is the start of you having to get use to her making her own life choices even if they are ill advised.

Antonin · 28/02/2019 16:52

My DD had to have abnormal cells cauterised at 17. There were several sessions and it was a very traumatic time — not only the procedure but the worry and the extra smear tests etc. Ten or so years later and she could have had the vaccinations.
So, OP you are justified in doing whatever you judge best to persuade your DD to have that injection. If she has it at the GP surgery, then embarrassment avoided.
Good luck

Notthatsimple · 28/02/2019 16:54

You don’t have to force/scare/manipulate/coerce. You could just PARENT them. 14 is still a kid. At 14, if my parents had let me make all decisions for myself... well, I’m not sure i’d have survived my teens Grin

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 28/02/2019 16:58

You could just PARENT them. 14 is still a kid. At 14, if my parents had let me make all decisions for myself... well, I’m not sure i’d have survived my teens grin

Yes, no one is disputing that 14 is a child but no one will force her to have an injection she doesn't consent to which is a fair point in law as then you could potentially be allowed to force a person to have all sorts of treatment they don't consent to (or vice versa).

lilybetsy · 28/02/2019 16:58

She should have it, absolutely. She is a child and cannot weigh up the potential impact of not having it against her short term wish not to have any more needles.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread